Tonight was the culmination of wanting to scream ;runaway or break something---
I am living with a son who has Autism along with other medical factors AND an 81 year old mother who has got to be one of the orneriest people on the face of this earth. As I have described Dak repeatedly in my journal I have not spoken of my Mother for a number of reasons-- mostly because she is not the one who is Autistic. What continues to develop tho is the strained interaction between these 2. Don't misunderstand -- My Mother would walk on hot coals for Dakota and she loves him and has been an intricate part of helping care for him--Here comes the "but" SHE DOES not POSSESS the ability to always handle him with and informed level headed educated way-- NOW Do Not think I am perfect and I certainly have my moments where I slip and don't follow thru as I know I should but what is now happening is her age is becoming a factor--- she has all of her "facilities" and cares for her self and still helps with Dak {on a lesser level than before} However she is becoming more reactionary and this is not the way to create an environment to teach or train Dakota .
Tonight for some unexplained reason Dakota walked out to where grandma was laying down and decided to take MY hair glaze-- My special expensive Paul Mitchell Hair glaze ;Unscrew the top and squeeze it all over a sleeping grandma-- It was in her hair her head and ear her nightgown and ion her pillow--- YES I WOULD BE PISSED TOO BUT what transpired was ridiculous and absolutely not correct---She jumped up and started screaming at him and yelling of course I came right away and tried to intercede only to get yelled at even more -- like it was mu fault---I tried to calmly talk to Dakota and tell him that what he did was inappropriate and ask him what caused him to do that -- it appeared to be completely unprovoked or for no reason-- when I tried to calm my mother and grabbed her night gown to get it in the washer I come back and she has taken a 44 ounce cup of water and thrown it on Dakota-- Not only on him but in my bedroom on my bed and pillows; on my floor the carpet was soaked and I had just changed his t-shirt and now he was in another shirt that was soaked so I had a change of 3 T-shirts within 10 minutes---- then I tell her that she needs to calm down and quit acting like a 5 year old only to piss her off even more---
This becomes a very tricky situation and it is not the first time similar things have happened where I feel like I have 2 small children or siblings fighting rather than a child and a grandmother-- I don't have any solid answers but I know that this is something that has to be solved---These people both deserve their own space and to be treated with respect----And I know the Lord knows I deserve some peace,too!
Without going into extensive family history My mother is pretty much here to stay and the only real solution I can come up with is to get a little trailer and put it on the property to give her --her own space----I know something has to be done and this is Dakotas house
She and I don't see eye to eye on much of anything and I think tonight was one more step towards separating away from her even more---I cannot and will not continue to break up 5 years olds that are fighting . I know what Dakota did was totally unacceptable: again he has Autism its not an excuse it is a condition of his brain and it is even more a perfect example of what is meant when they say that Autistic individuals lack social skills --any 10 year old child would have the social conscience not to pour hair glaze on his/her sleeping grandmother NOT DAKOTA!
Something has got to give-- Stay tuned for further developments!