What right ? What's Typical?

I rejoice Everytime I see Dakota make a small step of progress whether its conversational or concept and I thank my lucky stars that he is as functional as he is!!!Many especially those in the Autism  world label him as high functioning and for those of us who live this disorder  we know that labels are more for the parents than they are for the kids. As I  discover more people with Autism who can express themselves one of the things that seems to ring true is that they look at autism being a part of who they are not something to fix.
I have found myself repeatedly asking if what I want for Dakota is what he wants for himself....you know the jargain about being typical and wanting typical experiences...Is more because that's what I think he needs or is more about what I think society thinks he needs ....

Recently this has become more prevalent  in my mind as I see him becoming more and more reclusive and much less amicable towards participating every day activities that most young adults do...It hurts me to see him not want to bowl, or miniature golf, go to a movie or the mall...More so when I try to challenge him to do one of these things it becomes a trigger for escalation of behavior that is more than just a no ! It bothers me so severely that I find myself fighting tears trying not to let him know that it upsets me .He gets extremely vocal and screams at the top of his lungs  mostly to "SHUT UP" even when I am not speaking...

My heart breaks because I feel he is missing a significant part of life and love by not doing some of these activities...but should my heart break ??? should I just say I like this and he likes that and that the way it is and I need to leave well enough alone....

One thin I have learned is that you have to pick your battles and sometimes it's just not worth challenging him and than creating  confrontation....I don't have the answers  I wish someone could enlightened me but I don't think there is a right answer...or at least a correct answer..

For now I will have to muddle thru making a decision each time the situation comes to pass. Live with the frustration of not being able to push him to try and shed  a few tears in the process!

Comment on Brad Loula

Today I opened up the blog to post a few thoughts about thing Dakota and I have been going thru..mostly me..hahahaha and there was a comment on our Loss of Brad Loula...from a a friend of his in college Steve Oly...I was already in a state of emotion and his comment just sent me over the top...Steve if you continue to read this I hope you know how important your words were to us and how much we miss Brad now  as we did when he first left this earth! 

Much of what Brad struggled with was the loss of his friends and comrades from football and college. He was very much a loner and I still believe to this day he was one of the few people who really gets my son....I only wish that he would know that there are people out there who loved him and cared about him and it was circumstance that separated him from all of you....

he had a very tumultuous family life and it laid very hard on his head...and just befor he passed he was having great difficulty finding the right job and I think that ultimately contributed to why his body and mind finally just gave in...To anyone who wants to know any more about him please feel free to contact me thru this blog ...Thanks again Steve Oly

Follow up on Daks trip to the ER..

Well went to the doctors on Thursday with relative expectations ...everything is OK ?But am feeling a bit apprehensive and perhaps questioning the Professionals ability to shrug off what concerned me. I don't  mean to disrespect their years of schooling and experience  I am just one who feels that you have to go with your gut as stated on the top of my blog.

For the most part the trip to the ER produced NO worry or concern and all the tests were clear ,with the exception of one notation on the CT scan.."mild opalification of spehenoid sinus" Upon my own little investigation I find that this sinus shares space with the middle ear...AHHHH Ha my mind says as Dakota has been having trouble with his ears and I k ow that the ears and equilibrium or balance problems CAN BE RELATED....asked the doc for a referral to ENT and he didn't seem anxious to give me one...got a referral to Neuro tho so will pursue from that point...

I know there something  going on with Daks ears and what bugs me the most is that I can't prove it cuz he won't talk about it..I trudge on!

Visit to the ER again!

Well Friday brought another experience...Having the opportunity t check out the new hospital in our town!!!F U N !

For the second time in 18 months Dakota keeled over ...and could not tell me what was going on .....SO it's off to the ER .Usually by the time your kids are 6 or 7 they can at least express symptoms, when you are dealing with Autism...not so much. I know this is not exclusive to Autism but more common with these kids....Even in case , Dakota is verbal but not conversational so when you are trying to ascertain details or description  F O R G E T it! I have liken it to having an infant...you have to be perceptive to what you see, feel, hear and think .....

he got up from the table and started to walk down the hall and all of a sudden just bent over and rolled on to the floor .I don't think he passed out but have no idea why he lost his bearings. In this case there was no questioning my mind I had to take him to the ER . f he had been able to say oh I got dizzy or I tripped or My head was fuzzy I might have just laid him down and watched it pass . when you have something like that happen with no evidence of what's going on, you have no choice,you must investigate. I would never forgive myself if I didn't take him and something further had happened.

Perhaps this sounds reactionary , it only follows my own advice "Go with your Gut"

Double edged sword is this they didn't find anything..but they didnt find anything! I was glad the tests came out clean but then there's no explanation for what happened!I will press on and have follow up appointments, with the inclination that I will press for referrals for what I think is necessary. The only real positive out come was we got the "gamut" of tests done all in one afternoon that would be a nightmare to get done otherwise  and now we have a point of reference for the future.

So Stay tunes for further developments...