A quick post about presenting choices-- As I have worked thru many situations with Dakota I recently discovered the most effective way present choices and eliminate most behavior.
I have struggled with Dakota getting escalated when I try to involve him in making choices throughout the day. Since Dakota has reading skills and minimal manual dexterity I now utilize scratch paper or notepads or any writing surface I can find in the house to present choices .
When I verbally ask him to make a choice it either generates no response or even more so a behavior that potentially will escalate.I do not understand the root cause, all I know is it is not beneficial for him or myself. Sooooooooooooooo I now grab a writing utensil and scribble choices -- Do you want to eat a Hamburger or a hot dog
Grapes or melon
Then I hand him the pen or pencil or chalk or marker and re-read the choices and ask him to pick one---
It has been working like a charm -- he will either circle or check his preference-- and BINGO we are on our way
Next time you have a situation try this-- it sure has helped us!
Sunday, August 16, 2009
I'm Hungry Momma
Dakota did not say one word until he was 5 years old---Many of the so-called professionals that came to the home and worked with him told me "DON'T GIVE HIM ANYTHING UNLESS HE ASKS FOR IT" that included WATER. Well sorry folks you maybe experts and you can advise me BUT I will not "cave" to their suggestions just because they have read a book.
Needless to say I am probably the biggest enabler on Earth and perhaps not exactly the best title to be given however I am a Momma first and I will do what feels right in my gut! Withholding water was not something I will do!
22 years later language has been a slow process. That's not to say that Dakota has not developed reading skills and cognitive abilities that allow him to have conversation but the DAMN autism just doesn't cooperate. He also is a smart kid and he knows what will get him by-- so he will do everything in his power to utilize as few words as possible.
I am forever hounding him to use a complete sentence. every chance I get I will stop and withhold action until I get at least a noun and a verb !
There are many situations I could use as examples here's but the one I want to use:
I keep re-iterating to him that no one knows what goes on inside his brain if he doesn't tell us-- we cannot read his mind and if he needs something he has to use language--sounds straight forward and easy RIGHT? HA HA HA HA HA HA
Dak is not one who will raid the fridge or cupboards. He will just not eat if it's not fixed for him and set down in front of him-- This could be good in ways --YES again what is the consequence come the day that someone who does not know him has to provide for him---
THEY DON'T KNOW THIS ABOUT HIM!
So have been pounding it in his head you have to ask, you have to let me or someone know if you are hungry,want or need something to eat! You cannot expect us to be mind readers. From that he has emerged with;"Are you hungry Momma?"-- I know that this is the way he tells me that he needs a snack or its time for a meal--
This works well because I know his cryptic code
So one night last week after all was said and done and the evening was wearing on all of a sudden Dak gets up and hes hem-hawing around and he looks at me and says "I'm hungry Mama"
Oh MY GOD -- the clouds parted and I saw the heavens-- How many years have we been working on this??? Well I jumped up and immediately took him to the kitchen to discuss options.
It may sound simple and insignificant to most --Its not to me.It feels like the result of hours of instruction and prompting and it just paid off!
The lament is DO NOT EVER GIVE UP-BE RELENTLESS
IT DOES DELIVER DIVIDENDS!
Needless to say I am probably the biggest enabler on Earth and perhaps not exactly the best title to be given however I am a Momma first and I will do what feels right in my gut! Withholding water was not something I will do!
22 years later language has been a slow process. That's not to say that Dakota has not developed reading skills and cognitive abilities that allow him to have conversation but the DAMN autism just doesn't cooperate. He also is a smart kid and he knows what will get him by-- so he will do everything in his power to utilize as few words as possible.
I am forever hounding him to use a complete sentence. every chance I get I will stop and withhold action until I get at least a noun and a verb !
There are many situations I could use as examples here's but the one I want to use:
I keep re-iterating to him that no one knows what goes on inside his brain if he doesn't tell us-- we cannot read his mind and if he needs something he has to use language--sounds straight forward and easy RIGHT? HA HA HA HA HA HA
Dak is not one who will raid the fridge or cupboards. He will just not eat if it's not fixed for him and set down in front of him-- This could be good in ways --YES again what is the consequence come the day that someone who does not know him has to provide for him---
THEY DON'T KNOW THIS ABOUT HIM!
So have been pounding it in his head you have to ask, you have to let me or someone know if you are hungry,want or need something to eat! You cannot expect us to be mind readers. From that he has emerged with;"Are you hungry Momma?"-- I know that this is the way he tells me that he needs a snack or its time for a meal--
This works well because I know his cryptic code
So one night last week after all was said and done and the evening was wearing on all of a sudden Dak gets up and hes hem-hawing around and he looks at me and says "I'm hungry Mama"
Oh MY GOD -- the clouds parted and I saw the heavens-- How many years have we been working on this??? Well I jumped up and immediately took him to the kitchen to discuss options.
It may sound simple and insignificant to most --Its not to me.It feels like the result of hours of instruction and prompting and it just paid off!
The lament is DO NOT EVER GIVE UP-BE RELENTLESS
IT DOES DELIVER DIVIDENDS!
Bananas -- Food in general
Dakota does not have many food issues-- there are a few things he doesn't seem to care for --- I think mostly because of the consistency or texture. For the most part he is a kid that will eat most of what you put in front of him.This is a kid who will eat rutabagas or broccoli, almost any vegetable you can imagine.He seems to have an aversion to things like BBQ sauce but he will literally drink cocktail sauce, he does not like biscuits I think because they are too mushy or soggy for the most part that is it-----
Although he is a relatively big kid he does not gorge or over eat. His size is mostly because he just does not have enough activity or friends to interact with to get physical activity.Something I need to work on -- truth be told I too could use the exercise too--ha ha--
He has a big OCD thing going right now with certain fast food places on certain days but often after getting the food he will not eat the food -- its more about the action of going then it is about the food. I know that is hard to understand for most but it is just the nature of the beast!
He also seems to gravitate towards things that are tart or sour rather than sweet or salty. He will eat lemon slices whole -- peel, seeds and all --most fruit is good for him BUT what I have found is that the presentation {or preparation} is the key to success in consumption!
Bananas for example give him a whole banana with the peel on or off he will maybe take one bite and put it down and that's it---BUT peel the banana and break it is half hand it to him and he will eat it every time!
Apples {I know more work and not always practical but} if you core and slice the apple he will almost always eat the whole apple where handing him even a small whole apple he will take one bite and boom hes done---
Grapes on the other hand need to be left on their stem-- usually place them in a small colander and put them on a table near the TV or other activity and before I know it they are all gone.
Melons always work better if they are "chunked" into large squares that can be handled either with the fingers or a fork -- give him a wedge -he wont have anything to do with it--
All these funny little nuances that people take for granted are observations that I have worked with over the years . Of course not all people are the same but again if you are having issues with meal time sit back and take a look and see if anything new comes to mind ---
It is incredibility frustrating but it feel so good when you find a successful strategy!
Although he is a relatively big kid he does not gorge or over eat. His size is mostly because he just does not have enough activity or friends to interact with to get physical activity.Something I need to work on -- truth be told I too could use the exercise too--ha ha--
He has a big OCD thing going right now with certain fast food places on certain days but often after getting the food he will not eat the food -- its more about the action of going then it is about the food. I know that is hard to understand for most but it is just the nature of the beast!
He also seems to gravitate towards things that are tart or sour rather than sweet or salty. He will eat lemon slices whole -- peel, seeds and all --most fruit is good for him BUT what I have found is that the presentation {or preparation} is the key to success in consumption!
Bananas for example give him a whole banana with the peel on or off he will maybe take one bite and put it down and that's it---BUT peel the banana and break it is half hand it to him and he will eat it every time!
Apples {I know more work and not always practical but} if you core and slice the apple he will almost always eat the whole apple where handing him even a small whole apple he will take one bite and boom hes done---
Grapes on the other hand need to be left on their stem-- usually place them in a small colander and put them on a table near the TV or other activity and before I know it they are all gone.
Melons always work better if they are "chunked" into large squares that can be handled either with the fingers or a fork -- give him a wedge -he wont have anything to do with it--
All these funny little nuances that people take for granted are observations that I have worked with over the years . Of course not all people are the same but again if you are having issues with meal time sit back and take a look and see if anything new comes to mind ---
It is incredibility frustrating but it feel so good when you find a successful strategy!
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Specific Strategy
OK Today was a challenge and it seems to be a recurring behavior.
Dakota seems to be occasionally triggered by the media reports that come on to the TV or Radio. Particularly reports that seem to focus on issues or politians who are not viewed in our house as "favorable.
In other words he hears his parents and grandparents spout certain comments and then when the situation is just right and a newscast comes on reporting on such people or issues--- he flies off the handle
Shouting and growling saying they need to "shut up " or stop talking about it or vote the "sucker" out or whatever things you all can conjure up in your mind---It turns from verbal ranting into shouting till it escalates to physical contact with anyone in his way if he feels that he is not getting the reaction he seems to think he wants.
I realize that the best way to avoid this particular behavior is to curtail our comments in the first place --- Easier said than done--- we are human and we don't realize that when we are in the heat of the moment commenting on something we don't like that it is permeating his brain later to rear its head. Then when it does all bets are off and you find yourself in the moment doing all the things you know are feeding the behavior-- perhaps shouting yourself or becoming physically aggressive to try to calm the "Autism" That is wrong in so many ways and you realize it later.
This is where I have discovered something that has started to work for us. Of course the best case scenario is to totally ignore the behavior all together -- Often time this is IMPOSSIBLE.Again pick your battles is it something that need to be dealt with or can it be left to fizzle out--- Once you make that assessment what I have found is Complete silence and ignoring as much of the aggressiveness and verbal growling as yo possibly can. And if it becomes physical where he grabs the minute he touches me -- I go LIMP--I just flop over and go limp. I have flopped on the bed and literally played dead --of sorts -- IT WORKS
I have to say that I have had remarkable results-- Dakota gets very concerned and curious but its almost like having a re-set button.
I don't have to stay bent over or flopped on the bed very long and he comes around. That coupled with a lot of silence after "I come to" seems to do the trick.
Don't know if it will work for anyone else but it is very effective in our home. Depending on the situation I will try to have a conversation later in the day about what caused him to react that way . I usually don't get much participation verbally but I can tell that usually there is understanding and sometimes even remorse about what happened earlier.
All I can say is just keep trying -- and find what works for you and your family --eventually something will click!
Dakota seems to be occasionally triggered by the media reports that come on to the TV or Radio. Particularly reports that seem to focus on issues or politians who are not viewed in our house as "favorable.
In other words he hears his parents and grandparents spout certain comments and then when the situation is just right and a newscast comes on reporting on such people or issues--- he flies off the handle
Shouting and growling saying they need to "shut up " or stop talking about it or vote the "sucker" out or whatever things you all can conjure up in your mind---It turns from verbal ranting into shouting till it escalates to physical contact with anyone in his way if he feels that he is not getting the reaction he seems to think he wants.
I realize that the best way to avoid this particular behavior is to curtail our comments in the first place --- Easier said than done--- we are human and we don't realize that when we are in the heat of the moment commenting on something we don't like that it is permeating his brain later to rear its head. Then when it does all bets are off and you find yourself in the moment doing all the things you know are feeding the behavior-- perhaps shouting yourself or becoming physically aggressive to try to calm the "Autism" That is wrong in so many ways and you realize it later.
This is where I have discovered something that has started to work for us. Of course the best case scenario is to totally ignore the behavior all together -- Often time this is IMPOSSIBLE.Again pick your battles is it something that need to be dealt with or can it be left to fizzle out--- Once you make that assessment what I have found is Complete silence and ignoring as much of the aggressiveness and verbal growling as yo possibly can. And if it becomes physical where he grabs the minute he touches me -- I go LIMP--I just flop over and go limp. I have flopped on the bed and literally played dead --of sorts -- IT WORKS
I have to say that I have had remarkable results-- Dakota gets very concerned and curious but its almost like having a re-set button.
I don't have to stay bent over or flopped on the bed very long and he comes around. That coupled with a lot of silence after "I come to" seems to do the trick.
Don't know if it will work for anyone else but it is very effective in our home. Depending on the situation I will try to have a conversation later in the day about what caused him to react that way . I usually don't get much participation verbally but I can tell that usually there is understanding and sometimes even remorse about what happened earlier.
All I can say is just keep trying -- and find what works for you and your family --eventually something will click!
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