Tonight it just dawned on me that tomorrow will be the last day of the first month of the year???What the Hell??? I know that the world is moving in warp speed and all of us are caught up in the daily operation of life...Where does time go???
I also realize that I posted ramblings about how autism seeps into our lives almost like becoming who you care for...or at least mimicking behavior simply because of extreme exposure to it..I do believe it is true to some extent..you can't help but anticipate your child's issues and needs try to edit the event that occurs and many times you go to great lengths to prevent, over ride or avoid situations I. Order to keep your child calm ...as i stated...osmosis!!!
Oh I digress...my observation tonight is how quickly time flies, how inconsistent I am with posting and how many things keep me from posting more.
We actually had some vacation time this month half in Vegas over New Years...very fun. Very successful, colder than crap..and really only one meltdown over the course of several days..then we spent several more days at the beach ..made progress towards actually stepping on to the sand ..didn't make it but got closer, had several challenges ..changes in routine but, made it through without ANY behaviors...had gorgeous weather and a successful trip.
As I have stated befor I try to not make this a blog where if you miss a day you miss a post...for several reasons including my own time constraints as well as most of my posts are directed at a specific incident and the lesson learned..and how we got through it...rather than manufacturing filler. Plus it always seems to come out better when an occurrence trips my writing...
Finally in concurrence with the last paragraph I have discovered that my writing is much better and more poignant when something has happened or we have gone thru an experience. I will start composing in my head and sometimes loose it befor I get it written...when I actually get the time to sit down and write often times I loose the thought...
Perhaps I am not the perfect blogger but I will reiterate my intention is simply to help anyone learn more about life with Autism and to supply "tools"to those who live with it on a daily basis by blogging my insights, observations and how we dealt with it !
Well a new month is upon us
Who know what it will bring..for now I can only say a renewed effort to post more is in my heart and soul!!!!Happy New Year
Saturday, January 31, 2015
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Autism by Osmosis
After 28 years and many encounters with a roller coaster ride of emotions I have come to the conclusion that I suffer from Autism by Osmosis....I know many of you many of you probably think I am off my rocker and others probably completely understand my thought process.
There is often times a "bi-polar" or "manic - depressive " condition to what a caregiver or parent goes through when living with, dealing with, or merely trying to understand what your individual is experiencing or acting out about...Even when there is a positive behavior like conquering or completing a task never befor preformed...there is a vast array of emotions . Extremely high and overwhelmingly low. I know I am not the only one who feels this....
What brought me to the blog tonight was an overwhelming feeling of sadness and in ability to get my son to understand the seriousness of things that go around in my mind on a daily basis...First I want to scream and cry and yell "Don't you get it...Don't you realize you are an adult and you should be able to do these things for yourself???""what happens if I am not here to help you?" "When I get old and can't help you" "who will do it"..... Then comes the reasoning ....well you can do this..or you can do that then why can't you do this??? Now comes the surge in the other direction guilt and sorrow and helplessness.....he cannot help it because he can't do this that or the other thing, why am I so hard on him, why did I let it upset me, do others struggle with these same thoughts? Am I whining? Am I wimp? Why can't I Take it ? Why does it get to me?
Then the slump goes even further"What's going to happen to him when I am gone?" "Who will love him like I do? " " Who will give him the same care.".Will he sit I a corner and drool and no one will provide a "life"for him.....
I get angry And I yell...I feel like I have lost all hope.
Just when I think the screw is a loose as it's gonna get a "wash" of new thoughts and optimism comes like somewhere some one knew I needed to tighten the screw before it fell off...
I see Dakotas behaviors sometime and I cannot imagine the world he has to deal with every day. I see him get mad and act out and get angry, even tho he has a voice his body often reacts. It's not his fault it's autism and it's can be pretty shitty. How can I be mad at him when it IS his disability..
The ups and downs happening so quickly are difficult to grasp, when We live in a world with an individual who lives these emotions it's difficult to not adopt some of the same behavior. it's not our fault it's Human Nature to adapt to your environment and that's why I believe it's easy to be Autistic by Osmosis!
There is often times a "bi-polar" or "manic - depressive " condition to what a caregiver or parent goes through when living with, dealing with, or merely trying to understand what your individual is experiencing or acting out about...Even when there is a positive behavior like conquering or completing a task never befor preformed...there is a vast array of emotions . Extremely high and overwhelmingly low. I know I am not the only one who feels this....
What brought me to the blog tonight was an overwhelming feeling of sadness and in ability to get my son to understand the seriousness of things that go around in my mind on a daily basis...First I want to scream and cry and yell "Don't you get it...Don't you realize you are an adult and you should be able to do these things for yourself???""what happens if I am not here to help you?" "When I get old and can't help you" "who will do it"..... Then comes the reasoning ....well you can do this..or you can do that then why can't you do this??? Now comes the surge in the other direction guilt and sorrow and helplessness.....he cannot help it because he can't do this that or the other thing, why am I so hard on him, why did I let it upset me, do others struggle with these same thoughts? Am I whining? Am I wimp? Why can't I Take it ? Why does it get to me?
Then the slump goes even further"What's going to happen to him when I am gone?" "Who will love him like I do? " " Who will give him the same care.".Will he sit I a corner and drool and no one will provide a "life"for him.....
I get angry And I yell...I feel like I have lost all hope.
Just when I think the screw is a loose as it's gonna get a "wash" of new thoughts and optimism comes like somewhere some one knew I needed to tighten the screw before it fell off...
I see Dakotas behaviors sometime and I cannot imagine the world he has to deal with every day. I see him get mad and act out and get angry, even tho he has a voice his body often reacts. It's not his fault it's autism and it's can be pretty shitty. How can I be mad at him when it IS his disability..
The ups and downs happening so quickly are difficult to grasp, when We live in a world with an individual who lives these emotions it's difficult to not adopt some of the same behavior. it's not our fault it's Human Nature to adapt to your environment and that's why I believe it's easy to be Autistic by Osmosis!
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