January has come and Dakota's High School career is done. He has experienced such great improvement in the past few years and developed some abilities that I was not sure he would ever develop. As this chapter comes to a close, it is a double edged sword. For the one side offers new and hopefully exciting changes and opportunities to move on into the rest of his future while the other side is filled with sadness to say goodbye and overwhelming anxiety to leave what is familiar!
From the time Dakota was 3 he was placed in school. It is really all he has ever known. Its something that he has patterned his life around and now he is struggling with "What comes next?" I have tried to re-enforce the idea that he can always take classes in College because you can never "age out" of college. People of all ages attend and it is also a place where young adults more his age will be, also! I am currently looking into a few options and intend to continue to do everything I can to develop his independence. I have also tried to impress upon him that by leaving school he will now be less restricted to do other things he would like to do--Like go to the beach on a Tuesday or bowling in the middle of the day. He seems accepting of these thoughts yet apprehensive for the change---that's the anxiety!
What he seems to be missing the most is the social aspect of school. Ironic that several years ago I wasn't sure he would ever bond to any person: now I see several people he has developed feelings for. Although the relationships are far from what most call "normal" I as a parent can see marked improvements in the simple idea of what Dakota thinks of as a "friend"! He gets smitten around those whom he is attached too often to the point of shyness and embarrassment. He will carry on small conversaton but still relies on the other person to "carry" the exchange. As far as the phone its "a hello" and then hand the phone to Mom then his conversation is vicariously through me. Although he very rarely speaks on the phone he will never leave my side if I am speaking to "his friend". And many of his attachments have been with other adults on campus like the groundskeepers, security or the cafeteria staff.I think that is because they are more pro-active to engage him.
So leaving school will put a big hole in his social advancement and I must press on with other opportunities to keep him flourishing in that arena.
One of the bigger issues was the actual finality of exiting school, especially mid-year. We had already made arrangements for Dakota to participate in the traditional senior activities; senior breakfast, senior luau, prom and graduation. What I had to do for the "mid-year" exit was create an atmosphere of positive re-enforcer's to make it "OK" for Dakota to leave his class and teacher. Here's what worked for him:
The teacher and I sat down and created an "Certificate of Advancement" declaring him he had successful completed school and it was a step to move into the future and his young adult life. We made it on a special paper that was like a scroll and we had the teacher and instructional assistants sign and date it along with a gold seal. We also had a small party with a beautiful cake that had a graduate sprawled out on a book and the caption read :"Look out World - Here comes Dakota" We also invited all the people who meant something to Dakota like other teachers whose class es he attended ,other instructional aides who had some involvement with him and any other staff that knew Dakota.
Although at the beginning of the day started off with resistance, quite a bit of resistance I was able to work around his insistence to NOT GO to SCHOOL and eventually convince him that it was OK and he would enjoy, remember and hopefully cherish the memories later.
The end result was fun and great pictures that will be placed in his yearbook !
I only hope that my boy knows how proud I am of him and how much he means to me -- I will go to the ends of the earth to make his world right!
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Saturday, January 17, 2009
WOW another little Glimmer of Hope
Time to boast a bit---- Went to Popeye's the other day thru the drive thru. Ordered some pies that we were informed would take 6 minutes and could we please park in front and they would bring them out when they were done. So we went to the front and parked. About 10 minutes went by and I made the comment WOW I think its been more than 6 minutes and all of a sudden Dakota unsnaps his seat belt opens the car door and says " well I will just go in there and find out what the hold up is!" Talk about cracking me up -- he walks in there and it was all I could do to stop myself from not following him in there but I held myself back and he goes in there says something to the person at the counter{I am watching this thru the glass door} and he steps back put his hands in his pockets; about a minute later out he comes with the bag and a smile on his face. I was so proud of him and he was proud of himself.
Again another little accomplishment that makes both of us feel like a million dollars!
Again another little accomplishment that makes both of us feel like a million dollars!
Chewing
I know I have written about Chewing before but this is a topic that resurfaces on a regular basis so I cant help but put another post up on it-
Chewing-- Man O Man Dakota has been a chewer from the time he was small the T-shirts had gnarly bottoms every time you turned around he had a shirt in his mouth -- another thing he was notorious for was to pull or chew the labels on the knack of the shirts too! Since those early days we have graduated to more "appropriate" chewing items An Occupational Therapist suggested some dog toys for numerous reasons including durability and texture but there comes a time when you don't want your child identified with "dog" toys. We even had so surgical tubing put on a long shoe string so as not to loose it and eventually I have started buying bar towels and I keep a special place. When Dakota starts to put something in his mouth I try to direct him to the cupboard where the towels are and just say "why don't you go get a towel to chew on?" Well lets face it walking around with a towel in your mouth isn't exactly appealing and perhaps provokes some people to judge~~~~~So now my latest "thing" is tooth brushes!
Every time I go to the store I always pick up a couple of inexpensive toothbrushes. I try to pick the ones that are "flexible" because he has snapped a few really cheap ones in his mouth from sheer gritting force but for the most part he chews like a mad man and it seems to be a "better fit" as far as appropriate. At least when he goes out in public having a toothbrush in his mouth is like a tooth pick or a straw.
The only problem I have run into is that he will grab his Crest Spin Brush and he will gnarl up the bristles-- those damn things cost about 5 bucks a piece so now I remove the top part of the brush and put it in the drawer--OUT OF SIGHT OUT OF MIND --works like a charm
Chewing-- Man O Man Dakota has been a chewer from the time he was small the T-shirts had gnarly bottoms every time you turned around he had a shirt in his mouth -- another thing he was notorious for was to pull or chew the labels on the knack of the shirts too! Since those early days we have graduated to more "appropriate" chewing items An Occupational Therapist suggested some dog toys for numerous reasons including durability and texture but there comes a time when you don't want your child identified with "dog" toys. We even had so surgical tubing put on a long shoe string so as not to loose it and eventually I have started buying bar towels and I keep a special place. When Dakota starts to put something in his mouth I try to direct him to the cupboard where the towels are and just say "why don't you go get a towel to chew on?" Well lets face it walking around with a towel in your mouth isn't exactly appealing and perhaps provokes some people to judge~~~~~So now my latest "thing" is tooth brushes!
Every time I go to the store I always pick up a couple of inexpensive toothbrushes. I try to pick the ones that are "flexible" because he has snapped a few really cheap ones in his mouth from sheer gritting force but for the most part he chews like a mad man and it seems to be a "better fit" as far as appropriate. At least when he goes out in public having a toothbrush in his mouth is like a tooth pick or a straw.
The only problem I have run into is that he will grab his Crest Spin Brush and he will gnarl up the bristles-- those damn things cost about 5 bucks a piece so now I remove the top part of the brush and put it in the drawer--OUT OF SIGHT OUT OF MIND --works like a charm
Volunteering forThe Rose Parade Floats
I know this is a little past due but I had to post about Dakota and I working on the Rose Parade floats---
We started 4 years ago working on the Ontario float; last year we were on the float for Santa Fe Springs and this year it was the NAMM float-- It was the Sesame Street float with the Honor Marching Band.
What a positive experience-- and the best part is I can see Dakota's participartion improving each year. This is such a great opportunity for those of you who have kids who are interested in this event. YOu can volunteer for short periods of time or for only a few days or different hours - It is perect for us---The biggest pay off is watching the float on New Years Day and knowing you were a part of putting it together.
We actually were present when the kids who were in the band came by to view the float before the parade and Dakota was able to be the one to show these kids how to make the decoration for the float instead of the way it usually is --with the typical kids being the one to instruct him--
There was one woman who flew in from New Orleans just to work on the float and we met others who were from Pennsylvania, New Jersey. Arizona and Texas. When we get home I take out the map and use it as a teaching method by talking about where the people came from and where they are on the map
Besides all the fun and excitement I saw Dakota start to take some independent steps by helping with the clean up and working more and more without Mom by his side.
I cant say enough about volunteering for the Rose Parade-- you may have to "agument" your stay or watch a little closer but the pay off is worth it -- the more you go the more your child will be comfortable the more you will develop skills, open doors and create opportunities~
We started 4 years ago working on the Ontario float; last year we were on the float for Santa Fe Springs and this year it was the NAMM float-- It was the Sesame Street float with the Honor Marching Band.
What a positive experience-- and the best part is I can see Dakota's participartion improving each year. This is such a great opportunity for those of you who have kids who are interested in this event. YOu can volunteer for short periods of time or for only a few days or different hours - It is perect for us---The biggest pay off is watching the float on New Years Day and knowing you were a part of putting it together.
We actually were present when the kids who were in the band came by to view the float before the parade and Dakota was able to be the one to show these kids how to make the decoration for the float instead of the way it usually is --with the typical kids being the one to instruct him--
There was one woman who flew in from New Orleans just to work on the float and we met others who were from Pennsylvania, New Jersey. Arizona and Texas. When we get home I take out the map and use it as a teaching method by talking about where the people came from and where they are on the map
Besides all the fun and excitement I saw Dakota start to take some independent steps by helping with the clean up and working more and more without Mom by his side.
I cant say enough about volunteering for the Rose Parade-- you may have to "agument" your stay or watch a little closer but the pay off is worth it -- the more you go the more your child will be comfortable the more you will develop skills, open doors and create opportunities~
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Good Bye or Hello--am I coming or going????
Another year gone and one coming I thought about doing a year in summary but why re-hash all the stuff that was stressful or "brag" about accomplishments when there is so much more to do?!
Christmas 2008 posed its own challenges this year and it wasnt so much Dakota as it was me---My own health kinda "knocked me off my pegs" this season and it drove home the reality of "who's gonna do this when I am no longer here?" Of course the most direct answer to this quandry is "When I am gone I wont know; so I guess it will be up to those who are here!" But the bigger issue is how can I trust or know that the people who are here ; WILL; CAN; WANT TO ; Take care of my Special Angel.
All I can do is continue writing notating informing and talking about Dakota and hopefully the pieces will fall together.
I try to impress upon Dakota the importance of knowing what he wants and needs and being able to either ask for help or do it himself. Again my hope is that I will be able to present a "paper trail" or
"Operator Mannual" for Dakotas care as well as give others who read this ideas how to make life easier for their special person and those who will be left behind when they go---
Something I have written about before and feel important enough to mention again is a notebook or 3 ring binder or folder prepared by you that talks abot your chid from every aspect. Something that will be there should something happen tommorrow> Routines,sleeping habits, grooming, eating, medicines, likes, dislikes, tactile sensitivities,precursors to behavior-- at least give anyone the basics to make your child comfortable in a difficult transition in your absence. It doesn't do any good in your head it only counts if it is available for others.
So don't hash over what did or didn't happen last year and change what might happen tomorrow or this year---continue to hang in there and every day or every week make one contribution to a manual that hopefully wont ever have to be used.
Christmas 2008 posed its own challenges this year and it wasnt so much Dakota as it was me---My own health kinda "knocked me off my pegs" this season and it drove home the reality of "who's gonna do this when I am no longer here?" Of course the most direct answer to this quandry is "When I am gone I wont know; so I guess it will be up to those who are here!" But the bigger issue is how can I trust or know that the people who are here ; WILL; CAN; WANT TO ; Take care of my Special Angel.
All I can do is continue writing notating informing and talking about Dakota and hopefully the pieces will fall together.
I try to impress upon Dakota the importance of knowing what he wants and needs and being able to either ask for help or do it himself. Again my hope is that I will be able to present a "paper trail" or
"Operator Mannual" for Dakotas care as well as give others who read this ideas how to make life easier for their special person and those who will be left behind when they go---
Something I have written about before and feel important enough to mention again is a notebook or 3 ring binder or folder prepared by you that talks abot your chid from every aspect. Something that will be there should something happen tommorrow> Routines,sleeping habits, grooming, eating, medicines, likes, dislikes, tactile sensitivities,precursors to behavior-- at least give anyone the basics to make your child comfortable in a difficult transition in your absence. It doesn't do any good in your head it only counts if it is available for others.
So don't hash over what did or didn't happen last year and change what might happen tomorrow or this year---continue to hang in there and every day or every week make one contribution to a manual that hopefully wont ever have to be used.
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