The Month of May

Well the month of May has come and its going today,
And I wonder where the month went---Another peculiar thing about Autism--- from day to day you have things to do, many times nothing in particular but then you sit back and look at a month gone by and say-- "Damn where did this month go?"
Living with Autism is one of those things I have found to be all encompassing. Its not a matter of general care or specific duties to be performed its just an all day affair. I know those of you who live with Autism know what I mean. There's something about Autism that commands your involvement 24/7 365. Our kids although grossly impaired socially still require our attention from the moment they wake up, to the minute they finally go to sleep.

As for the month of May I think I really suffered an blow when the Prom came and went and I kinda gave up for a minute--ha ha
But "this too shall pass".

Dakota had some opportunity to participate with the track and field team which kept him engaged quite a bit this month and we had an unexpected journey out of town which took up a week so I guess we really have been doing stuff I guess I just don't see the "fruits of my labor".

June will be a challenge especially in the early part as I have a couple of hurdles to jump! Senior activities that I want Dakota to engage in but we will see---And Graduation-- he is adamantly against "walking" for graduation he says hes DONE; FINISHED and hes not going to walk! Again I say "I can only present the opportunity" it is up to him to decide whether he wants to participate. I have mixed emotions about the graduation in that it is just a ceremony but it is an activity that allows him to do what all kids do.

As a parent of one who has Autism it has been a constant lament of mine from his very early years that I just want him to do what he wants-- I want him to make the choices: he decides for him; to form and express an opinion no matter whether I agree or not AND once he finally does this I have to honor it. That's the hard part. It is a double edged sword and we have to find that moment in time to be at peace with what we wish for. You wish for them to be independent and capable of making decisions and choices. Sometime when they arrive at this ability you question their opinion or choice.

All any parent wants is for their child to be happy and healthy. Everything passed that is "cake".

as a post note to this excerpt;
I want to include a strategy that is currently working in our house for some of the decision making processes. When I have a choice for Dakota I have found that taking a piece of paper {any paper} and writing 2 choices down with a BIG 'OR' between the choices THEN WE READ THE CHOICES AND DISCUSS --You can do"THIS" OR You can do "THAT" and I the hand him a marker, pen or pencil and tell him to mark which one he wants to do----- I then read his choice and ask him again is this what you want to do? He usually confirms with a head shake or occasionally a verbal "yes". Although Dakota is verbal --very verbal when it comes to this particular process, writing the choices down and physically allowing him to choose; I am finding this process to be extremely successful.

The Prom and exiting High School

The Prom has come and gone at Dakotas high school and once again I have been unsuccessful to get him to attend---Although a little part of me hurts I know it is his desire and his choice.

At the top of this post I will say this: My 22 + years on this journey of Autism have taught at least one thing
I can only present the opportunity to him---It is up to him whether he acts on it!

I had such "grand plans" in my head how I was going to make this Prom his "Swan Song"--I was going to cut the apron strings and construct a support system to get Dakota to the Prom WITHOUT MOM!
I had figured every detail--- called the school got permission for a "personal assistant" to shadow him; talked to a couple of friends some disabled and high functioning and Best Buddies to go with him; figured out transportation; had my sights on a suit E V E R Y T H I N G
and it was all blown to hell when Dakota emphatically told me he was "through with school" "I'm finished, I'm done and I am not going back-- I cant go back!"
My heart broke because it was said with sadness and hurt. He has had a terrible time with exiting school and after all the kid has been in school since he was 3 --so he knows nothing else.
I have to admit I surveyed my own feelings and had to ask if I wanted him to go more for me than for himself. At that point I decided I wasn't sure but I would rather error on the side of Dakota's contentment than trying to push his limits on something that did not appear to be important to him.
So the Prom has come and gone
Now on to the last of the senior activities.

There is a luau, breakfast and graduation all coming toward the end of May. So I will reload and try again--
Graduation being the "creme de la creme"== I have already started on Grad Night and am hoping that since its at Disneyland that I will be able to get him to go with his peers. If he walks down the aisle for graduation and goes to Grad Night it will be a night of celebration---

Then its on to the community -- Thank God there is no time limit to the rest of his life-- he can go on and flourish in an environment that suits him!