Weekend Hell

Weekend Hell.......hmmmmmmm. After the better part of 29 years I think to myself the best I can say is "I'm conditioned" . I try to anticipate and be prepared. Be keenly aware of signs when something is gonna blow.watch for triggers and do what I can to avoid or intercept when I sense a meltdown may occur.

weekend Hell is a special kind of trigger that can be anticipated yet rarely avoided. I would liken it to withdrawals of an addiction...EVERY SATURDAY &SUNDAY.....and very little can be done to get around it.

Since puberty OCD kinda took the front seat to autism; Dakotas need for certain structure,scheduling and routine are key to a smooth operation for the day. I have spoken to his food routine in previous posts but the other component is TV and the programs, which occur during the week days..NOT THE WEEKENDS..Hence the problem. Throughout the day he has a whole day filled with preferential programs and there is some wiggle room with planning but for the most part if there are no appointments or special need to be away he is ingrained in the daily routine.  When the weekend comes Holy hell breaks out usually regardless of any planning or anticipation on my part.THIS IS INCREDIBLY FRUSTRATING. some weekends are better than others but I can almost bet the farm on at least 3-5 behaviors over the course of 2 days and often times it is that many on each day........

For the most part I can sense when the "storm is a brewin". He has "tells" his eyes get very dark, he will "purse"his tongue between his lips, he will fist his hands and shake them, then comes the growling, the screaming, the aggression, the cussing and grabbing himself and grabbing me to make me hit him....I try to remain calm, I try to not engage which sometimes will help,to de-escalate faster, for the most part you have to ride it out. I must say the most difficult thing about the "tantrum"is the helplessness as a parent you feel because you cannot do anything to help him through it. To see your child wring their hands and cry alligator tears scream and act out uncontrollably, tears at your heart.Although Dakota is verbal asking him what I can do , or what made him mad will heighten the meltdown.For the most part I try with my best effort to calmly talk to him and tell him I Love him and I know he has little control over these episodes and I am here and not leaving....often times he does not want me to talk. And I have found that the less you bring attention to the episode quicker it seems to go away. There are many though that will quell and rise again and perhaps again.....it's like it's under the surface and it will re-erupt with any little trigger.

Many have brought issue with me about giving in to the behavior. saying that I'm reinforcing it by "accommodating "it. My retort "walk a mile in my moccasins; then you have a say. For our life, our family, our situation my discovery is when you are willing to let go and "accommodate"certain OCD "things" that for the most part it can make the rest of the day manageable even pleasant. Perhaps not so much for Weekend Hell..but other instances.

This has been a lingering behavior I have not found a solution for YET. I AM CONSIDERING CHANGING UP THE ROUTINE DRASTICALLY . not sure how successful I will be but something's gotta give. right now I'm doing all I can to get him out on the weekends yet the irony is when he is ready to "blow"you don't want him or you to be in a public forum. Right now there are no good answers because the obvious ones are not working.He had essentially refused to engage in very few activities like bowling, or hiking or going to park or museum. I will continue to explore possibilities but for now Weekend Hell is alive and living in our home.......

All over a $1.84....,Oh how the day could have been different!

Wow ....I am almost unable to compose the thoughts going thru my brain right now....It's been a rough day, or should I say a tough couple of weekends??? Why I did, what I did today is beyond my own thought process! To think that $1.84 could make the difference between a good day and Let's say a challenging day.
So here's the scenario....Dakota is extremely addicted to TV and the schedule of TVShows during the week...try as I might to get him to change things up, get him away from the TV all together or even encourage him to watch a different station he is steadfast in his commitment to his routine. That being said; weekends are hell for him...he just doesn't adjust to the fact that his TV schedule goes to crap over the weekends and again try as I might, to introduce him to alternative options...(the park, bowling, the mall, visiting a Friends...) it's an epic fail most of the time...

Most recently the past 2 or 3 weekends have been much more intense and I haven't been able to identify the trigger...it's seems behaviors are a plenty right now and much more present than they have been in probably, oh I don't know, the better part of a year???? His behaviors are so unpredictable and seem to come in clusters...ANYWAY today was no exception the frustration was apparent from The onset of the day...he was up rather early and irritated right off the get down. So trying to avert a full meltdown I suggested a short ride befor going to In-N-Out...and he seemed agreeable. When we were finished driving I approached In-N-0ut and said I was going to Tommys to get the thick fries....and did he want Tommys fries instead....he said YES,I was surprised but thought OK maybe changes were happening; long story short...we get home , I get the burgers out put the Tommys fries in place of the In-N-Out fries and World War III broke out................he took one look at the different fries and he went bolistic!!!! Screaming , yelling , slapping himself, grabbing himself, crying hysterically. I stood there dumb founded for a minute and then it's came to me how stupid I was.

WHY after all these years, with everything I know and have been through would I let something so simple as an order of fries jack up today? somewhere I lost my mind. How could I be so stupid to not realize that with the weekend thing happening , the irritated behavior,and the already tension in the air that I would even consider CHANGING ONE IOTA of structure today???how did I allow myself to slip on such a simple concept "whatever you do DO NOT CHANGE schedule or routine when you have already a kid in distress???" Boy did I feel stupid about that one. you would think after all,these years it would be imbedded into my head.

Not sure what "lesson"this has for anyone else. The simple answer is when You want to avoid meltdowns a basic rule is DO NOT CHANGE anything that is routine. Yo think that a large part of today's fiasco coulda or woulda been avoided for $1.84 bag of fries