OK so I decided to start a FaceBook page under "Daks Open Door"
I figure that it is a way to get connected with more people. I am just trying to cast a "wider net" and get more people in the conversation. I hope this will be a postive move--
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Barn Burner--
Today must have been a day that was pulled out of the Playbook from Hell. Saturdays have been difficult to say the least for several years now-- I have my theories about that; which I believe revolves around the TV schedule or lack thereof and transitional days where they are different than the weekdays. All of that being said; This day has been a Barn Burner--
An emotional Roller Coaster; a Day from Hell.
Between not having the ability to get anything done- and Dakota's unstable emotions, it just makes me wonder What am I doing here? What is my purpose and why do any of us deserve to have these challenges ?
I know that people try to be compassionate and say things like "Oh God doesn't give you more than you can handle" but honestly that's bull PUCKY.
That is why people end up in institutions. or as alcoholics or just disappear of the face of the earth SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY CANNOT HANDLE WHAT WAS GIVEN THEM.
Every day I thank God I have the strength to persevere and not give up but days like this really challenge me. I know I am not made of the same "cloth" most other are but for these days is a blessing . Hopefully I will have enough water to extinguish this Barn Burner
AND TOMORROW WILL BRING A BETTER DAY!
An emotional Roller Coaster; a Day from Hell.
Between not having the ability to get anything done- and Dakota's unstable emotions, it just makes me wonder What am I doing here? What is my purpose and why do any of us deserve to have these challenges ?
I know that people try to be compassionate and say things like "Oh God doesn't give you more than you can handle" but honestly that's bull PUCKY.
That is why people end up in institutions. or as alcoholics or just disappear of the face of the earth SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY CANNOT HANDLE WHAT WAS GIVEN THEM.
Every day I thank God I have the strength to persevere and not give up but days like this really challenge me. I know I am not made of the same "cloth" most other are but for these days is a blessing . Hopefully I will have enough water to extinguish this Barn Burner
AND TOMORROW WILL BRING A BETTER DAY!
Friday, August 19, 2011
Drowning------
I am quite sure I have touched on this topic before and probably more than once. However I feel it is a legitimate subject that needs attention because it pertains more to the caregivers. Although there is no given solution we have to be diligent to remind ourselves of the bigger picture and what we might be feeling is in the moment and "This too shall pass".
Recent months have brought more than usual frustration and overwhelming feelings for me-- perhaps because there are additional issues that need to be addressed over and above caring and providing for Dakota. The biggest problem that I am grappling with is that this "drowning feeling" has been much more prominent. And I hate it.
Those that know me; know that, for the most part not much "ruffles my feathers" and I am a pretty "live by the seat of my pants " girl. Autism has brought more routine and predictability but I have tried to also incorporate change for the simple reason that we never know what life will throw at us. Our kids need to know that . Our kids need to be conditioned to accepting some irregularities even their own world. In fact they should be encouraged to "function" out of the box simply because there will be moments or days that do not go of as planned. We all know what repercussions that may bring in the form of behavior or God knows what!
Having said that, SOME will be the first to say that I yield to Dakota to a fault. That I allow him to dictate most situations -- That's OK -- they can have their opinions and they may not necessarily be wrong. What I know is that the way I live life is that, nothing is so damn important that by pushing an agenda on him which results in behaviors is worth it. Its just not that damn dire of an emergency that I need to make him do something that he will in turn get flustered agitated and react. I go back to the thought that he already has what I call "static" in his head-- {Call it whatever you want Boogie Men, crossed wires, poor perception doesn't matter} So why would I aggravate the condition? It would be like taking someone who has skin cancer to the beach and having them sit out for 8 hours in the blazing sun without any protection-- Does that make sense?
All of that being said I do admit that it has been "getting to me " much more.I am finding that simple things like trying to go to a doctors appointment is more of a challenge or even going to the store for that matter. I know there comes a time when you just have to do it or you have reserved a time to execute something,Yet I find myself incredibly torn by the thought process of weighing the pros and cons of making him participate in something he clearly is protesting. It is making me stressed out to even write about it.
There are extenuating circumstances that factor in as I have only myself to blame. There is literally no other family involvement other than the time he spends with his dad, he is not in any programs as I cannot find appropriate placement, and the few friends he has either have challenges themselves or are not ready for a completely independent experience with Dakota. So basically he is with me for the better part of 24/7. Hence the drowning.
The feeling that I am out in this body of water and I am up to my mouth barely keeping my head above water, treading for my life and NOBODIES COMING. Its not an unusual feeling as I have been a pretty independent person all my life and have only depended on myself Its just that it seems to have intensified in recent months.
The reason I decided to post about this is because I am quite sure that I am not alone and many feel exactly the same way-- Do I have a solution? I think again each person has to figure out what works for them and their family. Getting back to that "seat of the pants " attitude sometimes just waiting It out and letting it pass is a great idea. Other times it takes hard work and dedication to change. What I do know is that I have to be more proactive to get support and back up. And I know that Dakota needs to be exposed to alternatives that he may not be used to --- How I am going to do that is another bump.
For now I just have to keep treading water and hope that I don't drown!
Recent months have brought more than usual frustration and overwhelming feelings for me-- perhaps because there are additional issues that need to be addressed over and above caring and providing for Dakota. The biggest problem that I am grappling with is that this "drowning feeling" has been much more prominent. And I hate it.
Those that know me; know that, for the most part not much "ruffles my feathers" and I am a pretty "live by the seat of my pants " girl. Autism has brought more routine and predictability but I have tried to also incorporate change for the simple reason that we never know what life will throw at us. Our kids need to know that . Our kids need to be conditioned to accepting some irregularities even their own world. In fact they should be encouraged to "function" out of the box simply because there will be moments or days that do not go of as planned. We all know what repercussions that may bring in the form of behavior or God knows what!
Having said that, SOME will be the first to say that I yield to Dakota to a fault. That I allow him to dictate most situations -- That's OK -- they can have their opinions and they may not necessarily be wrong. What I know is that the way I live life is that, nothing is so damn important that by pushing an agenda on him which results in behaviors is worth it. Its just not that damn dire of an emergency that I need to make him do something that he will in turn get flustered agitated and react. I go back to the thought that he already has what I call "static" in his head-- {Call it whatever you want Boogie Men, crossed wires, poor perception doesn't matter} So why would I aggravate the condition? It would be like taking someone who has skin cancer to the beach and having them sit out for 8 hours in the blazing sun without any protection-- Does that make sense?
All of that being said I do admit that it has been "getting to me " much more.I am finding that simple things like trying to go to a doctors appointment is more of a challenge or even going to the store for that matter. I know there comes a time when you just have to do it or you have reserved a time to execute something,Yet I find myself incredibly torn by the thought process of weighing the pros and cons of making him participate in something he clearly is protesting. It is making me stressed out to even write about it.
There are extenuating circumstances that factor in as I have only myself to blame. There is literally no other family involvement other than the time he spends with his dad, he is not in any programs as I cannot find appropriate placement, and the few friends he has either have challenges themselves or are not ready for a completely independent experience with Dakota. So basically he is with me for the better part of 24/7. Hence the drowning.
The feeling that I am out in this body of water and I am up to my mouth barely keeping my head above water, treading for my life and NOBODIES COMING. Its not an unusual feeling as I have been a pretty independent person all my life and have only depended on myself Its just that it seems to have intensified in recent months.
The reason I decided to post about this is because I am quite sure that I am not alone and many feel exactly the same way-- Do I have a solution? I think again each person has to figure out what works for them and their family. Getting back to that "seat of the pants " attitude sometimes just waiting It out and letting it pass is a great idea. Other times it takes hard work and dedication to change. What I do know is that I have to be more proactive to get support and back up. And I know that Dakota needs to be exposed to alternatives that he may not be used to --- How I am going to do that is another bump.
For now I just have to keep treading water and hope that I don't drown!
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