Sometimes --A vistor in your home----

As I took Dak to see Dad yesterday it occurred to me that I often wonder how his day goes - - - That although there are times and will be more and more time when he ill not be with me, I think about if his demeanor is replicated with everyone. For the most part we all react or act differently with different people whether we are typical or challenged but with AUTISM  it seems to be a little more complicated .  The "social cues" or how "we" read people are much more {I hesitate to say} natural where our kids have a very unusual way to perceive ANYTHING  much less the actions of a human!

Add in the element of unpredictability with Behaviors we have a "crap shoot"

I guess where I am going with all of this and why I titled it "a visitor" is my curiosity about Dakotas adaptation to the world around him particularly when I am not present. 

I have for sometime been trying to "push Dak out of the nest" for a number of reasons -- mostly because I think he is ready for it. However, just when I think he can adapt to a change or new challenge that's when a behavior or unusual reaction will pop up . Then I get nervous for him, about how others will take those actions and either retreat, withdraw or give up on him. Its scary--- I know he needs to spread his wings and mainly without his mother and eventually without overwhelming support . Pushing those boundaries can sometimes end in disaster and even failure. There are days when I just have to say it is not worth it to push him when he is in TOTAL overload. On the other hand if you don't challenge him he will never learn or program himself to accept new environments and people .

Some might say don't expect that -- I understand he is disabled and he has a particular disorder that inhibits the ability to be "typically social" but I will never give up on trying to give him challenges to make him a better person and especially one that he can function in the community without too much negative reception or perception. 

I draw a lot of criticism for "coddling" and for not PUTTING him in a day program-- Which to me is mostly a glorified babysitting situation but this is how I see it-- I understand that Dakota is challenged and I have no problem with the "Challenged Community " being a COMPONENT of his life BUT  he needs to be as typical as possible . Is it fair that his whole life be Special Ed ?? NO --I say! This means I have to bust my butt to strive for as many normal {I hate that word} opportunities as possible and maybe a few more on top of that.  

Coming full circle back to my initial thoughts about "a visitor in my house" --- I almost titled it a "Stranger in my house" Because when Dakota goes off the deep end and his behaviors go sideways --It feels like I have someone here that I don't know . Its not that I don't expect moments of craziness and unpredictability {I am far passed that]  BUT when he get so intensely out of control all of the above that I wrote about flashes thru my head in a matter of seconds ---I have feelings of despair and the inability to control a situation. It like having a stranger in your home and you are not sure what will happen next.

What saves me every time is taking a deep breath, walking away, almost chanting to my self either the Serentity Prayer or "this to shall pass" AND then starting over. I have to be relentless in my pursuit to give Dakota a QualItity of Life  that no one will ever be able to duplicate---My only wish is that someone somewhere will continue this effort once I am no longer capable or able to do so>
And hopefully they will never give up on the SOMETIMES "Visitor in their life"

Thanksgiving possibilities

They are having a Thanksgiving pot luck for people who have difficulty finding appropriate places to go for Thanksgiving with their Autistic kids Thought you might be able to spread the word or might know someone who might be looking for an alternative


Below is a link

Its a little more than half way down the page

https://ieautism.com/Home_Page.html

Just one of those moments.

I consider myself a pretty upbeat person with a overwhelmingly optimistic view of life in general. Oh I have my issues and can be more than a bitch sometimes but considering Autism is a major player in daily living more times than not, I can accept things and be content.

Today has not been one of those days --- I found myself in the bathroom for the third time today helping Dak and it was like a flush of water flowing over my head and tears came to my eyes. I had some extra cleaning to do and the thoughts flowed to who will do this when I am no longer here? Then questioning myself if I did enough to help him help himself? Could he have had anymore "training" that would prepare him for the days beyond those with family? Then I fret over unfinished business and although I try everyday to slay that dragon it seems the more I worry about it the more difficult it is for me to do everything I want to do --In an Hour---In a Day--- In a Week  well you get the idea. 

I find myself still continuing to get him to understand simple things like picking his clothes off the floor, moving his shoes out of the middle of the room so he wont trip over them, or how to sort clothes for laundry--oh and try as I might teach him how to use the washer. As soon as that thought clears my head then I realize that he has limitations that will never be remedied and I just need to let it go-- That's not my nature

Oh don't get me wrong, I can be a great procrastinator and can be somewhat laxidazical with every day life BUT Dakota and his Autism has been the one thing that I just wont give up on. After 25 years, it has become apparent {to me} that sometimes you just have to let go . You just have to have faith that you have done your best and it is, what it is.

That doesn't stop the haunting thoughts from consuming you once in awhile  BUT you just have to get over that hump and get on with Life .It can be all encompassing. The best thing to do is make it thru the day only to wake up in the morning and start fresh with a New Day.

The Holidays --

Well here it is Fall with Winter fast approaching and Dakota reminds me everyday several times a day -- That's Autism--His anxiety really builds during the holidays as it seems that every other week there is another holiday of some type is coming or just around the corner. I know I have preached on this at least one other time but it is a really tough time for our kids. The change in the time and the weather, the decorations, the family gatherings and dinners, shopping and music and what the hell else?????? Everywhere you go ITS DIFFERENT AND EVEN THOSE KIDS WHO UNDERSTAND AND ACCEPT THE CELEBRATION HAVE A HARD TIME WITH BEING OVERLOADED!
And to top it off is it any wonder our kids have the anxiety surge when they walk into a store before Halloween and they already have Christmas decorations?Yep that's right I blame corporate America for some of our kids anxiety--yuk yuk

Well Halloween has passed and Thanksgiving is upon us as well as Veterans Day and LORD knows what December brings-- Oh I ramble on but I will soon post Halloween pictures. Just need to down load them.
Stay tuned for more posts!