Christmas Time.....

Traditionally I post about Christams time activities and how it affects our kids....
The sensory overload of sounds, sights and smells..not to mention the change of routine and schedules, traveling, visitors, school programs etc...we as "typical" people have to put our highest coping mechanisms in place, can you imagine what it must be like for our "kids"???
Many scoff it off as "it's that time of the year" and even many parents who have special needs children will power thru and even "coerce" their children to COPE......by reasoning that it's just part of life and the year. I can honestly say that this year inparticular has been extremely hard for me...be it age, health or emotional condition something's "in the air"!

I cannot fathom how it would feel to have autism and deal with all the "holidays" have to throw at us...

Christmas Eve is upon us and most of the craziness is passed so it should taper off. There will always be residule effects some that may stick around for a month or two and others that potentially will hold on for quite a bit longer.
if you are out and about and for some reason you see a person struggling with repetitious behavior or vocal stemming, chewing fingers, twisting hair, talking to themselves or completely withdrawn..just know you are probably near the world of autism and are witnessing coping skills.There will be parents or caregivers close by,give them a hug with your eyes.....I can't tell you how much that means to us....

For the moment Merry Christmas  and here's to a New Year..chocked full of new adventures!

Thoughts Late at Night

Well I have certainly failed my blog these passed few months....I would like to attribute it to having less issues to write about but on retro spect its it the polar opposite...Along with several happy events there have been more challenges and road blocks recently ...some predictable, some anticipated and certainly some unforeseen:
"Have no fear I will get on the horse and ride again"haha, there are still may subjects to write about. It's about focus and stick-to-it'veness ....

I normally don't write about any other subjects but those pertain to Autism yet I feel compelled to veer of course just a tiny bit....One of the major reasons I have been so dismissive of posting is my own health..although not tragically bad ....age is rearing its head and I am having a bit of difficulty "accepting" and adapting ...it effects us all but when you are taking care of another human being it presses on your soul just a lil bit harder. Kinda get those deep thoughts about how all of this plays out and of course who will carry on for him once I am no longer here.We all have thoughts , again when you realize all the things you do on a daily basis and many many of them done with love only a parent could have..you often ponder how will anyone be able to do this? Then you know they won't ; your next thought is how will my "baby"go on? How will he adapt? Will he adapt? Will he be left to his own devices to sit in a chair or on a bed for the duration of his life been ignored or minimally "maintained"by someone who is being paid ..not because they care or love him? The obvious and big answer is once you are dead you won't be conscious to worry about it however while we are still here and among the living it swirls in our brain...

I am quite sure any parent feels or thinks these thoughts sometime after the birth of their children and maybe perhaps till they "leave the nest" many times even after they leave the nest ....with our kids they don't rally ...they don't pick themselves up by the boot straps when life happens; if anything they re gress. typical human being seem to most of the time bail themselves out . Perhaps not always successfully but get on with it never the less.

There's no "pat"answer or solution . Our kids at least many of them even lack the ability to communicate what they need..so how will they ever survive? Again guess once I gone I won't have the ABILTY to worry about it.

Just asking anyone out there who may have any influence or ability to advocate for these kids PLEASE STAND UP.....
learn what you can, know the individual enough to be a voice, help anyway you can for any individual you can! Cures may be coming, programs may support, organizations can help, personal knowledge is priceless.

Center for Autism Post

I have not been posting volumous posts for many reasons mostly because life with Autism just doesn't give you as many opportunities to sit down and write ..also I don't want to overwhelm those that do look or read my blog ...
MOSTLY I want everyone to see and or read my dream for a center for Sutism because I truly believe it is a start for what we all need...
It is a truly one of the first posts I put in the blog and difficult to find even using the search engine..
If you go to the archive list on the bottom and the right of the home page it has a list of posts according to the year......
The Center post  was written on March 24 2005.....so just go to the list of posts for 2005 then find March!!!thats the easiest way!!!

Fathers Day Post

Perhaps because it is Fathers Day ..or should I say it was ..since it is in the wee hours of "tomorrow" that I find myself a lil more emotional than a "normal"day ..of course the joke (in the community)is "What is Normal?" So where do I begin ?
I guess with someone else's experience for the day....An Autism Dad posted with a lil frustration that this morning his son had a meltdown ..full blown meltdown as he chronicled it....in Denny's ..which I might add is a regular place that has been very sucessful for this Dad prior to today. The end result being, leaving the restaurant with a full meal still on the table and having to briskly pay..probably more like throw the money on the table or at the cashier as youre trying to exit as swiftly as possible with some sense of dignity...and the hope that Not too many people were jeering at his son and him . BEEN THERE DONE THAT...It is an all too familiar occurance...truth be told I had a lil giggle under my breath only because my heart hurt for this Dad knowing its Fathers Day, Knowing he was trying to do a good thing for him and his son. Knowing that the restaurant was probably packed to the rafters with people ..mostly judgemental people who might be the type that only come out for an occasion and knowing that these people are not the kind to even understand this scenario in the slightest....while still realizing the funny part of the relief that it was him and not me!!! is that cruel?

Well I had my own set of problems today...although I must admit far more endearing yet not very common..so this hit me a little harder than usual.....might say Fathers Day had a bit to do with it, too!
First part of it being that I have been challenging with Dak to make some kind of jesture.towards his "pop" which has been met with disinterest and pretty much "NO"at any attempt.....personally it doesn't bother me but I feel he needs to have some kind of connection so I try to encourage him...
Ok so on to the event....
It was a Movie going day...went to see "Inside Out"--Disney Pixar animated thing about emotions
...got to the theater In a snit because I had tried to call to find out about disability access and of course no one answers the damn phone and when you get there all they can say is oh we've been busy.."Yeah" "Then why aren't you busy now and how can you not answer the phone for hours on end?"( called repeatedly for about 10-1)..so it's much busier than I expect, knew the movie we were going to would be probably dads and kids , much younger audience ...theater IS NOT ..the one with disability access , couldn't get the seats we typically get, so let the games begin.....the movie starts and from the beginning not little kids but BABIES..yes more than one start crying..gooing...and of course the moms are trying but they have other lil ones so they certainly don't remove themselves ...(oh how I long for the days of the theaters with the crying rooms).. Then I tell myself this is no different than having a child which would have a meltdown..so how can you judge or bepissed ..they are trying to do the best they can..enter the damn song from "Frozen"....."Let it Go"...Dakota is close to the isle and of course he is more interested in the motion and actions of the people in the theater than the movie.....GOD knows I tried...I whispered to him , redirected to him, did everythinI could but eventually sensory overload hit and he started with ecolealee (echo-lay-lee)crying as the baby did ..the. He stared calling out to the baby...OH MY God.....now I am that same mother with the kid that is creating the disturbance...more than 3/4 thru the movie Dakota had ..had it with me and stood up and said "I'm getting out of this place""Let's Go" ...SHIT..I think to myself ..this is a whole set of new scenarios that could go very wrong.....he gets up and actually buzzes down the stairs ..I sit for a minute thinking he will retreat...then realize who knows where he will go once he's out of the theater I better pick my butt up and go....gathering up all the crap..I managed to get down the stairs and out the door ..remarkably there he stands....!almost to calm ...wasn't sure if he was ready to blow or ready to try to go back in....I opened the door and said "it's Ok ....it's was very distracting in there...are you alright?"he looked at me and I guess he thought I was going to be upset.....I said do you want to go??? And I kinda guessed he really didn't want to ..so I said come on you wanna go back???Its Ok Dakota....he walked back InThe hall that lead along the side and around back to the stairs where the seats were and he didn't want to go any further....I told him if he wanted to stay here it was ok ..he could finish out the movie right here....a few minutes later he started to cry...I mean out right bawl...at the very moment in  the movie when the emotions start in the movie ..so I was confused if the movie affected him or it was the action of leaving the theater...Never the less it got me crying.....Dakota does not show this type of emotion very often and it stabs me in  the heart every time....again I told him it was OK and that he had done the right thing..I was proud of him..he knew enough that he was on overload and he removed himself..instead of allowing a behavior to happen ...we finished the movie and walked out, I told him over and over ..how proud I was and that I would never get mad at him for doing the right thing...that he had made a big step today ..and it was a day to be proud of himself... ANYWAY it was a big day because again Dakota made progress..
I was very glad he decided to return to finish off the end of the movie because I didn't want him to have a memory of going to the show and walking out before the end....

AND SO GOES my Fathers Day... Eventful as well as any other ....Just so proud of how he handled it! It really is the littlest of things that can make you day!

3 Things that Happened Yesterday

Well ..yesterday delivered 3 new epthamies I didnt see coming..all a lil differen but all substantial examples of why I know Dakotas brain is still developing ...

We were watching a movie yesterday and when we looked up the synopsis it was made in 2000....when I read that ;Dakota got this very serious look on his face and said that was when poppy walked out of Mulan......I sat back and said what?  he said we didn't see the whole movie.....15 years later he pulls that lil tiny piece of information out of thin air ...Simply amazing that has been swirling around in his brain and it took reading and seeing another description of a movie from the same time period to spark is language to tell me ?????

Then later on that evening we were switching the channels and it flashed on Joel Osteen and he said "OH....GOD is Praying"...now where the hell did he get that ? Surely Joel is not GOD but he made the connection that he (Joel)and God have a connection ..

Thirdly we had gone to Rubys Diner last week and it is one of his favorite places ..in fact it is one of the only places he will go in And sit down ....anyway...I made breakfast for dinner and when we were eating it for the very first time he actually commented on the "dinner"...He said "this is better than Rubys last week"Oh My God I nearly fainted...I have never heard him EVER COMMENT ON food or dinner ..but a compliment as well!!!!

Well it may seem menial to others but these things are huge to me..and definitely tells...tells that indicate his brain is working and still developing ...that's why I Continue To stand up and fight for him...I may be spitting in the wind but I will never give up as long as I know things are still "perking "in his brain!!!!!

His Brain Keeps Growing

I continue to be extremely frustrated with IRC (Inland Regional Center)..... So the beat goes on..I know I am not the only one BUT for me this is a critical issue. Dakota does NOT and cannot .s ore well on IQ or functional psychological profiles ..I understand that the test are to be given in a prescribed way and delivered in a "sterile"environment...in order for them to be accurate and fair to all .....YEAH.   YEAH.   YEAH....

THE RESULT IS .they still and remain labeling him as mild to moderately mentally challenged...quite frankly it pisses me off...for a number of reasons but mostly because I refuse to accept it..and these are the people that are supposed to understand, support and help provide for these individuals..especially when there is no one there to help! Yes this kid has very challenging issues with things like money or personal grooming or general survival..yet he can understand things that most people have no clue???so does that make him less..according to IRC (Inland Regional Center) it does . It gets him a label that is untrue....

I get that he needs and will always need support and help in everyday living yet he can label an event according to the presidential term rather than the year or date ???who does that?? He can recognize a commercial before the dialogue happens ...the SECOND the music hits the first chord he will start reciting the words....he can memorize an event that has happened years ago and associate things with a specific item of clothing or a situation...his brain is very complicated, but it is ?NOT LESS THAN....it just works different..why is that wrong...STIGMA

ON top of all of this I continue to see lil breakthroughs on a regular basis which tells me his brain is still sorting, still growing , still finding new ways to communicate.....another subject that is PooPoo'd because surely he can't still be developing ??? He's an adult , his brain has done all the growing it's
gonna do...B.S..... IRC will not even entertain the idea that a kid his age would benefit from things like ABA(Applied Behavioral analysis ) or any other academic or behavioral help....try to find programs that don't warehouse them..impossible ...is there anything out there for these individuals to be in the "typical "world...NO.....AS a parent you just have to search out opportunities and stay on it and insist that they get the best possible choice to be out in the world with all of us..and. NOT sequestered away.

Another Reason NOT TO GIVE UP

At 28 ... Most doctors and professionals will say It's too late to change behavior..these individuals WILL NOT benefit from therapies like ABA or behavior modification.....for the most part I believe their reasoning to be solid...but falable.

I must admit my so. Is pretty ingrained to a specific routine and / or schedule ,to get him to try something new maybe almost problematic..because it will irritate him and cause more behavior rather than helping him get rid or behavior....

HOWEVER....almost everyday I see little glimmers of progress that indicate that his brain is still fighting to get out, To show the world that he's "in there"and crying to get out..

Then I become perplexed now to help him and how to convince others that he still has potential and to not give up on him....

By the time you have arrived at 28 years there have been so many "irons in the fire"..there is a sense of "weariness". You always out get it the point where you start to believe the doctors and professionals and you are ready to cave and just go with the flo...then something happens and you KNOW...you're not crazy and you kid is doing things he never did befor ..you get a second wind and start the embers to light the fire AGAIN!

Something like this: over the weekend we went to Anaheim to meet up with a long time friend and I suggested Rubys..cuz it was familiar for Dak and I knew he would go in and sit down so we could have a successful visit ....we actually lasted 2 hours and then it was time to go....

So the next night I actually decided to make bacon and Eggs with homemade hash browns and raisin toast..for dinner...about half way thru eating ...Dakota looked up ..straight in the eyes and said this is better dinner than Rubys was!!!!!Oh My God I almost fell off the chair..I have never heard him comment on dinner or make a comparison every befor in 28 years...

It may seem insignificant to others but again what it tells me is that he is still growing, and learning and his brain has not given up...so I will not give up!!!

GOODBYE APRIL.....

Good bye April.....Good riddence....
I am not quite sure how this came about, I definitely know why...
April has always been a HELL MONTH for me.Its completely unrelated to autism yet conncected in some ways....

Perhaps I have arrived at "wishing"it on myself. Just from the knowledge of the month coming in the natural rotatation.Yet as far back as I can remember April has always brought challenges, bad luck and crap. Agruments with close personal liaisons,cars breaking down,bank accounts over drawn, physical injury, weird situations that have no specific reason to happen.

This year, this month has been no different. Without enumerating all the crap that the last 30 days have brought I am jumping with glee that within the hour April will be gone at least for the next 11 months or 336 days (gotta add an extra day..leap year)
So Farwell, So long , averdersein(sp) , adieu.....can't wait for midnight....for the month to be GONE!!!!

10 years ago Today

As if Dakotas birth wasn't enough for a life time....10 years ago today we suffered another set back...
The short story is that Dakotas Teacher went against the IEP and made him and his 1 on 1 aide go to the baseball field for lunch rather than the quad as described in his goals . This way the teacher could give the other aides in the class their breaks while still covering his own ass by using Daks aide to watch the other kids...
Dakota decided he did not want to be there and started back to the class ..stepped down off the cement foundation onto gravel slipped and broke his leg in 3 places............

The ride and stay in the ER is another subject but this post is about how it has had an effect that has yet to fade and the residual memories still give Dakota terrors.
After 3 days in the hospital which was a "tap dance"to keep Dakota there and co operative it was 2 months on the bed refusing to get off because he was afraid of breaking his other leg...of course there was no acknowledgement by the school or offer for accommodations to get him back and eventually after a discussion with risk management and their in ability to understand that not only could this incident been avoided but a simple fix with very little  cost could solve the problem there was litigation..again not what this post is about.

What Dakota got out of this is a permanent inability to to feel safe any longer on his own 2 feet...he now refused to go anywhere near the sand at the beach because of the instability of the sand, he has major issues with many types of flooring and surfaces...if there is a texture, or a color or even a crack or change in patterns HE FREEZES...
The cast was set improperly which we didn't understand until it was too late and he had pain in his foot and leg while in the cast so he started twisting and pulling his hair to the point of bald spots ...that habit has continued ...it also is my biggest battle as I write this post....it no longer is a way for him to deal with pain but has become a habit that he cannot stop.....He has had toenails removed and a hammer toe and no longer walks like a normal person. His "gait"is not right and I have yet to get a podiatrist to agree that so ething need to be done. The last time we went to Disneyland I had to get a wheelchair half way thruthe visit   as his foot was giving out on him.of course all this pisses me off YET we solider 

Beyond all of that when the date rolls around .....it obvious that he is well aware of it and he becomes almost traumatized and fixated ....that SOMETHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN...

As early as yesterday morning I noticed he was "touchy"and he had escalated behavior. Had a minor meltdown , was sleeping or napping a couple of times during the day and just an overall sketchy  day. Last night he usually sleeps quite well, falls asleep easily and wakes up predictably around the same time..BUT not last night
First thing out of his mouth this morning was "Mom....It's April 27" 
I sat down and looked him in the EYES and told him it was Ok and we would have a good day...We 
would be careful and I would make sure that nothing happened...
he seemed to be relieved and and trusted me..but I knew until the time passed and the clock struck midnight we wouldn't be out of the woods....

It's now 11:39pm and barring any unforeseen freaky happening I think we made it through about April 27...10 years down....hopefully by the time we hit 20 years I won't be writing about it !!

APRIL is AUTISM Awareness....not Celebration but Information!

A friend shared this and I thought it was very consise .......
April is Autism Awareness Month and today is World Autism Awareness Day! While awareness IS still necessary, I hope that it leads to more action! 1 in 68 are diagnosed with autism. 1 in 42 boys!! These numbers are staggering and continue to rise!
What is Autism?
Autism is a bio-neurological developmental disability that generally appears before the age of 3
Autism impacts the normal development of the brain in the areas of social interaction, communication skills, and cognitive function. Individuals with autism typically have difficulties in verbal and non-verbal communication, social interactions, and leisure or play activities
Individuals with autism often suffer from numerous co-morbid medical conditions which may include: allergies, asthma, epilepsy, digestive disorders, persistent viral infections, feeding disorders, sensory integration dysfunction, sleeping disorders, and more
Autism is diagnosed four times more often in boys than girls. Its prevalence is not affected by race, region, or socio-economic status. Since autism was first diagnosed in the U.S. the incidence has climbed to an alarming one in 68 children in the U.S.
Autism itself does not affect life expectancy, however research has shown that the mortality risk among individuals with autism is twice as high as the general population, in large part due to drowning and other accidents.
Currently there is no cure for autism, though with early intervention and treatment, the diverse symptoms related to autism can be greatly improved and in some cases completely overcome.
Autism Facts & Stats
Autism now affects 1 in 68 children
Boys are four times more likely to have autism than girls
About 40% of children with autism do not speak. About 25%–30% of children with autism have some words at 12 to 18 months of age and then lose them. Others might speak, but not until later in childhood
Autism greatly varies from person to person (no two people with autism are alike)
The rate of autism has steadily grown over the last twenty years
Comorbid conditions often associated with autism include Fragile X, allergies, asthma, epilepsy, bowel disease, gastrointestinal/digestive disorders, persistent viral infections, PANDAS, feeding disorders, anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, ADHD, Tourette Syndrome, OCD, sensory integration dysfunction, sleeping disorders, immune disorders, autoimmune disorders, and neuroinflammation.
Autism is the fastest growing developmental disorder, yet most underfunded
A 2008 Danish Study found that the mortality risk among those with autism was nearly twice that of the general population
Children with autism do progress – early intervention is key
Autism is treatable, not a hopeless condition

Time Change ?

Anyone else out there experience more than abundance of behavior yesterday? Hmmmmmmm

I know each of our kids display different sensory issues and triggers but Time Change is kinda like holidays .....it has it's own special  set of challenges.

As what we call A NT or Neuro typical person we all learn coping mechanisms for lil bumps in our lives...traffic backed up??late for work?? Take an alternate route. restaurant out of your favorite beverage..choose a different one or leave....daylight savings time ......crap,I'm gonna loose an hour of sleep..well at least it's during the weekend so I can compensate.
For our kids a rule is being broken..O M G  The world as we know it is ending, there is no alternate route and I cannot escape the inevitable.

Well that's the way it was at our house yesterday. Something I have always said about Dakotas behaviors is  most all of them are very unpredictable, also erratic as far as a pattern; however there are few instances where I know trouble is coming and no matter what I do or say it's going down....
Time Change is one of them!!!

It seems so simple and honestly insignificant NOT TO MANY of our children. Although the general outcome is a desired outcome the anticipation and mechanics are NOT.The Media first of shoves it down our throats at every turn...it's on the news , it's on public announcements,even the weather man has a lil clock rotating from 2 am to 3 am ...so it's unavoidable. Then there's the actual anticipation of physically turning the clocks ahead..and when to do  it.....in creeps the anxiety. I can't help but think about the old ketchup commercials "A N T I C I P A T I O N " as the red stuff slowly rolls out of the bottle..

The day went relatively well early on. It as the day progressed I saw the tenseness building. The furrowing of the brow..the biting of the lip...the 100 times he asked if his watch needed to be changed yet
I tried to keep some decorum and explain that it was ok we could do it in the morning it was just a regular night .....he wasn't picking up what I was putting down. From evening time on it was apparent we were on the brink of a tornado comin.By about 10 the behaviors were in full swing. Oh and it is never about the time change when the behavior breaks out it's the dog..or the cat...or grandma. Or it's about the TV  any number of things to deflect the blame...

Guess the reason I write about this is it's another topic or situation that most people wouldnt give a second thought too...and they are lucky it's not an issue. For Those of us who walk this path it's just another bump in the road. And there are others who will have had a bad or challenging day and not even remember that the time change happened..and wonder why their child was having such a bad day....

Don't  think there much that can be done. Just awareness of a pending occurance and a tool belt full of information and ideas to help our kids get thru another "thing"

Compartmentalization

One of the most prevalent characteristics that Dakota displays with his Autism is "Compartmentalization".....the word is pretty self explanatory 

I have noticed from a very young age Dakota always seemed to prefer specific activities with one specific person.....or preforming an activity either in a specific time frame, hour or day...
For me is it rather confounding, but I also understand it's just another trait of his disorder ...

As an example he had a coach that he always went bowling with....we lost that coach...and every attempt since then to go bowling has been unsuccessful ....to the extent of aggressive behavior towards those trying to get him bowling again....

It goes much deeper than trips to the bowling alley but I guess my point about identifying and discussing it is that there is such a delicate balance between trying to offer opportunity and forcing an action or activity because it's is for the benefit of the individual. Again it goes back to picking your battles...you have to decide what is imperative for your child to experience and what can be excluded.

It is Frustrating as hell; as is a lot of dealing with Autsim. Keeping a perspective on what is exactly the focus and it is truly for the betterment of the child or is it because you want them to feel or hear or experience something that was a "staple" for your childhood or young adulthood or for any "typically"developed peer....like going to prom...or bowling, or a movie with friends, or the mall, talking on the phone ...any number of experiences that we identify as growing and socializing.

I also believe that there comes a time when you have to let the individual have some kind of control over his "world"( and/or environment)and if he only wanted to do something with one specific person and that person is no longer a part of his world ..then who am I to say that he needs to do it with some one else...? We have to understand that it all a part of the complex disorder called Autism and although our kids have permenent aspects that will never leave them they still do grow and develop in other ways and we have to let them be able to to do what they want and can do....

Guess there no right answer, it has to be what works for your families situation.all you can do is be as supportive and encourage your kid to do what he wants to do...and to live as much life as he can!

Vaccinations and a discussion among friends...

There has been a lot of attention to vaccinations and autism recently due to the out break of measles as well as a few other childhood illnesses...
Many believe that science has provided sufficient evidence that shits are not a causation of Autism...my reply is simply that I have sat I a room of parent who know that they have had typical pregnancies, births and development and one day at the doctors office for a regiment of shits and their children literally woke up the next day and started regressing ...so BELIVE what you will and say what you will but I know in my heart there is some piece of evidence missing in this scenario..

So friend joking posted an entry on my timeline that upset me as well a few others.(to the effect that vaccinations don't cause autism) which then turned end into a conversation and learning experience...we all are better for it..

My take is this vaccinations did not play a role in my child's autism at least I don't think it did as we dealt with development from birth..BUT I did see my child end up in the ER with seizures after being give. The DPT(Diptheria, Pertussis, Tetanus)..,and I ALSO have witnessed another family member have reactions from flu shots that were multi dose viles which had Thimerisol or more commonly know as mercury...so I know that medicine as much as we all want to trust it has it's draw backs and it is still one big experiment..and what works for one doesn't necessarily work for all...

From that our conversation ended up with a question about how I feel about a recent interview that President Obama had on the Today show, where he spoke about the measles outbreak and that science has "debunked"the theory of causation towards autism....
And this was my reply.....many will agree and many will not ..it is merely my opinion

...IMHO...he's no different than anybody else...and he can believe what he think is "proven" ..Just because he takes that stance doesn't mean I have to like it ..but it doesn't mean that I do t think he's done some good for our country as well...I have said this befor the Bushes in general I detest..everything about them BUT I still believe that both of them ran for president with the greatest intentions of what they THOUGHTwas right for our country...I truly believe no matter who it is they don't run to make an ass out of themselves or to screw up .....AND truthfully Obama is the last of a long line of many who believe it's been "disproved" but here's my take...each and everyone of us has right to smoke or drink or stuff our faces till we can't walk and there will always be a dissenting voice;whats happening specifically with the vaccination issue is this...we have manged to erraticate many illness with the power of vaccines and NO one wants that to revert,institutions, counties school districts,regional centers are finding that people are not going to cave to the demands of what is precieved as a safety issue JUST BECAUSE...everyone else is...So when we protest or standup or even stand out by refusing to vaccinate...they don't have much recourse to force us .....THEN ALONG COMES AN OUTBREAK.....just what they are drooling over because now they can point their lil fingers and say "ah-ha!"we got cha now.....you don't want to vaccinate then you can keep your kids out of school till the quarantine expires....It's not because they think our kids are truly contagious it is merely a POWER GRAB...to get back at us because we don't conform.... 

I also believe that out society has become so litigious that there is always the fear if for instance the school districts didn't attempt to do anything then there would be some Ya-WHO..that would say they were derelict in their duties of protecting the other children..... 

There's no pat answer here..it is a double edged sword. 

One might liken it to the gun Struggle we are having In This country..where certain individuals believe their rights are being threatened or taken away and they aren't gonna let that happen..well when it comes to my kid and others who have walked the same path for their kids ....again in my humble opinion.much more important than a cold piece of steel. 

Coming full circle to the presidents opinion and observations ..I do t have to like all he does to still support hi and it is the same with friends,family, professionals, politians ...you can still appreciate an individual even if you don't totally agree with everything they do....OK down off my soap box!!!

Almost a month into the New Year...

Tonight it just dawned on me that tomorrow will be the last day of the first month of the year???What the Hell??? I know that the world is moving in warp speed and all of us are caught up in the daily operation of life...Where does time go???

I also realize that I posted ramblings about how autism seeps into our lives almost like becoming who you care for...or at least mimicking behavior simply because of extreme exposure to it..I do believe it is true to some extent..you can't help but anticipate your child's issues and needs try to edit the event that occurs and many times you go to great lengths to prevent,  over ride or avoid situations I. Order to keep your child calm ...as i stated...osmosis!!!

Oh I digress...my observation tonight is how quickly time flies, how inconsistent I am with posting and how many things keep me from posting more.
We actually had some vacation time this month half in Vegas over New Years...very fun. Very successful, colder than crap..and really only one meltdown over the course of several days..then we spent several more days at the beach ..made progress towards actually stepping on to the sand ..didn't make it but got closer, had several challenges ..changes in routine but, made it through without ANY  behaviors...had gorgeous weather  and a successful trip.

As I have stated befor I try to not make this a blog where if you miss a day you miss a post...for several reasons including my own time constraints as well as most of my posts are directed at a specific incident and the lesson learned..and how we got through it...rather than manufacturing filler. Plus it always seems to come out better when an occurrence trips my writing...

Finally in concurrence with the last paragraph I have discovered that my writing is much better and more poignant when something has happened or we have gone thru an experience. I will start composing in my head and sometimes loose it befor I get it written...when I actually get the time to sit down and write often times I loose the thought...

Perhaps I am not the perfect blogger but I will reiterate my intention is simply to help anyone learn more about life with Autism and to supply "tools"to those who live with it on a daily basis by blogging my insights, observations and how we dealt with it !

Well a new month is upon us
Who know what it will bring..for now I can only say a renewed effort to post more is in my heart and soul!!!!Happy New Year

Autism by Osmosis

After 28 years and many encounters with a roller coaster ride of emotions I have come to the conclusion that I suffer from Autism by Osmosis....I know many of you many of you probably think I am off my rocker and others probably completely understand my thought process.

There is often times a "bi-polar" or "manic - depressive " condition to what a caregiver or parent goes through when living with, dealing with, or merely trying to understand what your individual is experiencing or acting out about...Even when there is a positive behavior like conquering or completing a task never befor preformed...there is a vast array of emotions . Extremely high and overwhelmingly low. I know I am not the only one who feels this....

What brought me to the blog tonight was an overwhelming feeling of sadness and in ability to get my son to understand the seriousness of things that go around in my mind on a daily basis...First I want to scream and cry and yell "Don't you get it...Don't you realize you are an adult and you should be able to do these things for yourself???""what happens if I am not here to help you?" "When I get old and can't help you" "who will do it"..... Then comes the reasoning ....well you can do this..or you can do that then why can't you do this??? Now comes the surge in the other direction guilt and sorrow and helplessness.....he cannot help it because he can't do this that or the other thing, why am I so hard on him, why did I let it upset me, do others struggle with these same thoughts? Am I whining? Am I wimp? Why can't I Take it ?  Why does it get to me?
Then the slump goes even further"What's going to happen to him when I am gone?" "Who will love him like I do? " " Who will give him the same care.".Will he sit I a corner and drool and no one will provide a "life"for him.....

I get angry And I yell...I feel like I have lost all hope.
Just when I think the screw is a loose as it's gonna get a "wash" of new thoughts and optimism comes like somewhere some one knew I needed to tighten the screw before it fell off...

I see Dakotas behaviors sometime and I cannot imagine the world he has to deal with every day. I see him get mad and act out and get angry, even tho he has a voice his body often reacts. It's not his fault it's autism and it's can be pretty shitty. How can I be mad at him when it IS his disability..

The ups and downs happening so quickly are difficult to grasp, when We live in a world with an individual who lives these emotions it's difficult to not adopt some of the same behavior. it's not our fault it's Human Nature to adapt to your environment and that's why I believe it's easy to be Autistic by Osmosis!