Fathers Day Post

Perhaps because it is Fathers Day ..or should I say it was ..since it is in the wee hours of "tomorrow" that I find myself a lil more emotional than a "normal"day ..of course the joke (in the community)is "What is Normal?" So where do I begin ?
I guess with someone else's experience for the day....An Autism Dad posted with a lil frustration that this morning his son had a meltdown ..full blown meltdown as he chronicled it....in Denny's ..which I might add is a regular place that has been very sucessful for this Dad prior to today. The end result being, leaving the restaurant with a full meal still on the table and having to briskly pay..probably more like throw the money on the table or at the cashier as youre trying to exit as swiftly as possible with some sense of dignity...and the hope that Not too many people were jeering at his son and him . BEEN THERE DONE THAT...It is an all too familiar occurance...truth be told I had a lil giggle under my breath only because my heart hurt for this Dad knowing its Fathers Day, Knowing he was trying to do a good thing for him and his son. Knowing that the restaurant was probably packed to the rafters with people ..mostly judgemental people who might be the type that only come out for an occasion and knowing that these people are not the kind to even understand this scenario in the slightest....while still realizing the funny part of the relief that it was him and not me!!! is that cruel?

Well I had my own set of problems today...although I must admit far more endearing yet not very common..so this hit me a little harder than usual.....might say Fathers Day had a bit to do with it, too!
First part of it being that I have been challenging with Dak to make some kind of jesture.towards his "pop" which has been met with disinterest and pretty much "NO"at any attempt.....personally it doesn't bother me but I feel he needs to have some kind of connection so I try to encourage him...
Ok so on to the event....
It was a Movie going day...went to see "Inside Out"--Disney Pixar animated thing about emotions
...got to the theater In a snit because I had tried to call to find out about disability access and of course no one answers the damn phone and when you get there all they can say is oh we've been busy.."Yeah" "Then why aren't you busy now and how can you not answer the phone for hours on end?"( called repeatedly for about 10-1)..so it's much busier than I expect, knew the movie we were going to would be probably dads and kids , much younger audience ...theater IS NOT ..the one with disability access , couldn't get the seats we typically get, so let the games begin.....the movie starts and from the beginning not little kids but BABIES..yes more than one start crying..gooing...and of course the moms are trying but they have other lil ones so they certainly don't remove themselves ...(oh how I long for the days of the theaters with the crying rooms).. Then I tell myself this is no different than having a child which would have a meltdown..so how can you judge or bepissed ..they are trying to do the best they can..enter the damn song from "Frozen"....."Let it Go"...Dakota is close to the isle and of course he is more interested in the motion and actions of the people in the theater than the movie.....GOD knows I tried...I whispered to him , redirected to him, did everythinI could but eventually sensory overload hit and he started with ecolealee (echo-lay-lee)crying as the baby did ..the. He stared calling out to the baby...OH MY God.....now I am that same mother with the kid that is creating the disturbance...more than 3/4 thru the movie Dakota had ..had it with me and stood up and said "I'm getting out of this place""Let's Go" ...SHIT..I think to myself ..this is a whole set of new scenarios that could go very wrong.....he gets up and actually buzzes down the stairs ..I sit for a minute thinking he will retreat...then realize who knows where he will go once he's out of the theater I better pick my butt up and go....gathering up all the crap..I managed to get down the stairs and out the door ..remarkably there he stands....!almost to calm ...wasn't sure if he was ready to blow or ready to try to go back in....I opened the door and said "it's Ok ....it's was very distracting in there...are you alright?"he looked at me and I guess he thought I was going to be upset.....I said do you want to go??? And I kinda guessed he really didn't want to ..so I said come on you wanna go back???Its Ok Dakota....he walked back InThe hall that lead along the side and around back to the stairs where the seats were and he didn't want to go any further....I told him if he wanted to stay here it was ok ..he could finish out the movie right here....a few minutes later he started to cry...I mean out right bawl...at the very moment in  the movie when the emotions start in the movie ..so I was confused if the movie affected him or it was the action of leaving the theater...Never the less it got me crying.....Dakota does not show this type of emotion very often and it stabs me in  the heart every time....again I told him it was OK and that he had done the right thing..I was proud of him..he knew enough that he was on overload and he removed himself..instead of allowing a behavior to happen ...we finished the movie and walked out, I told him over and over ..how proud I was and that I would never get mad at him for doing the right thing...that he had made a big step today ..and it was a day to be proud of himself... ANYWAY it was a big day because again Dakota made progress..
I was very glad he decided to return to finish off the end of the movie because I didn't want him to have a memory of going to the show and walking out before the end....

AND SO GOES my Fathers Day... Eventful as well as any other ....Just so proud of how he handled it! It really is the littlest of things that can make you day!

3 Things that Happened Yesterday

Well ..yesterday delivered 3 new epthamies I didnt see coming..all a lil differen but all substantial examples of why I know Dakotas brain is still developing ...

We were watching a movie yesterday and when we looked up the synopsis it was made in 2000....when I read that ;Dakota got this very serious look on his face and said that was when poppy walked out of Mulan......I sat back and said what?  he said we didn't see the whole movie.....15 years later he pulls that lil tiny piece of information out of thin air ...Simply amazing that has been swirling around in his brain and it took reading and seeing another description of a movie from the same time period to spark is language to tell me ?????

Then later on that evening we were switching the channels and it flashed on Joel Osteen and he said "OH....GOD is Praying"...now where the hell did he get that ? Surely Joel is not GOD but he made the connection that he (Joel)and God have a connection ..

Thirdly we had gone to Rubys Diner last week and it is one of his favorite places ..in fact it is one of the only places he will go in And sit down ....anyway...I made breakfast for dinner and when we were eating it for the very first time he actually commented on the "dinner"...He said "this is better than Rubys last week"Oh My God I nearly fainted...I have never heard him EVER COMMENT ON food or dinner ..but a compliment as well!!!!

Well it may seem menial to others but these things are huge to me..and definitely tells...tells that indicate his brain is working and still developing ...that's why I Continue To stand up and fight for him...I may be spitting in the wind but I will never give up as long as I know things are still "perking "in his brain!!!!!

His Brain Keeps Growing

I continue to be extremely frustrated with IRC (Inland Regional Center)..... So the beat goes on..I know I am not the only one BUT for me this is a critical issue. Dakota does NOT and cannot .s ore well on IQ or functional psychological profiles ..I understand that the test are to be given in a prescribed way and delivered in a "sterile"environment...in order for them to be accurate and fair to all .....YEAH.   YEAH.   YEAH....

THE RESULT IS .they still and remain labeling him as mild to moderately mentally challenged...quite frankly it pisses me off...for a number of reasons but mostly because I refuse to accept it..and these are the people that are supposed to understand, support and help provide for these individuals..especially when there is no one there to help! Yes this kid has very challenging issues with things like money or personal grooming or general survival..yet he can understand things that most people have no clue???so does that make him less..according to IRC (Inland Regional Center) it does . It gets him a label that is untrue....

I get that he needs and will always need support and help in everyday living yet he can label an event according to the presidential term rather than the year or date ???who does that?? He can recognize a commercial before the dialogue happens ...the SECOND the music hits the first chord he will start reciting the words....he can memorize an event that has happened years ago and associate things with a specific item of clothing or a situation...his brain is very complicated, but it is ?NOT LESS THAN....it just works different..why is that wrong...STIGMA

ON top of all of this I continue to see lil breakthroughs on a regular basis which tells me his brain is still sorting, still growing , still finding new ways to communicate.....another subject that is PooPoo'd because surely he can't still be developing ??? He's an adult , his brain has done all the growing it's
gonna do...B.S..... IRC will not even entertain the idea that a kid his age would benefit from things like ABA(Applied Behavioral analysis ) or any other academic or behavioral help....try to find programs that don't warehouse them..impossible ...is there anything out there for these individuals to be in the "typical "world...NO.....AS a parent you just have to search out opportunities and stay on it and insist that they get the best possible choice to be out in the world with all of us..and. NOT sequestered away.