Tonight was the culmination of wanting to scream ;runaway or break something---
I am living with a son who has Autism along with other medical factors AND an 81 year old mother who has got to be one of the orneriest people on the face of this earth. As I have described Dak repeatedly in my journal I have not spoken of my Mother for a number of reasons-- mostly because she is not the one who is Autistic. What continues to develop tho is the strained interaction between these 2. Don't misunderstand -- My Mother would walk on hot coals for Dakota and she loves him and has been an intricate part of helping care for him--Here comes the "but" SHE DOES not POSSESS the ability to always handle him with and informed level headed educated way-- NOW Do Not think I am perfect and I certainly have my moments where I slip and don't follow thru as I know I should but what is now happening is her age is becoming a factor--- she has all of her "facilities" and cares for her self and still helps with Dak {on a lesser level than before} However she is becoming more reactionary and this is not the way to create an environment to teach or train Dakota .
Tonight for some unexplained reason Dakota walked out to where grandma was laying down and decided to take MY hair glaze-- My special expensive Paul Mitchell Hair glaze ;Unscrew the top and squeeze it all over a sleeping grandma-- It was in her hair her head and ear her nightgown and ion her pillow--- YES I WOULD BE PISSED TOO BUT what transpired was ridiculous and absolutely not correct---She jumped up and started screaming at him and yelling of course I came right away and tried to intercede only to get yelled at even more -- like it was mu fault---I tried to calmly talk to Dakota and tell him that what he did was inappropriate and ask him what caused him to do that -- it appeared to be completely unprovoked or for no reason-- when I tried to calm my mother and grabbed her night gown to get it in the washer I come back and she has taken a 44 ounce cup of water and thrown it on Dakota-- Not only on him but in my bedroom on my bed and pillows; on my floor the carpet was soaked and I had just changed his t-shirt and now he was in another shirt that was soaked so I had a change of 3 T-shirts within 10 minutes---- then I tell her that she needs to calm down and quit acting like a 5 year old only to piss her off even more---
This becomes a very tricky situation and it is not the first time similar things have happened where I feel like I have 2 small children or siblings fighting rather than a child and a grandmother-- I don't have any solid answers but I know that this is something that has to be solved---These people both deserve their own space and to be treated with respect----And I know the Lord knows I deserve some peace,too!
Without going into extensive family history My mother is pretty much here to stay and the only real solution I can come up with is to get a little trailer and put it on the property to give her --her own space----I know something has to be done and this is Dakotas house
She and I don't see eye to eye on much of anything and I think tonight was one more step towards separating away from her even more---I cannot and will not continue to break up 5 years olds that are fighting . I know what Dakota did was totally unacceptable: again he has Autism its not an excuse it is a condition of his brain and it is even more a perfect example of what is meant when they say that Autistic individuals lack social skills --any 10 year old child would have the social conscience not to pour hair glaze on his/her sleeping grandmother NOT DAKOTA!
Something has got to give-- Stay tuned for further developments!

When is Enough -- Enough????

I would say that this is one of the most preplexing problems we as parents of children with Autism or special needs for that matter---Because these kids either have no way to let us know what they want or what they are feeling or when they have a form of communication it is delivered in a cryptic way you are always second guessing the moves you make!

There is also the other issue of picking your battles.You know you can only beat your head againsy a wall for so long until you do damage that is irreversible.

This is where I am right now--                                                        I am experiencing an extreme period of frustration. The issue revolves around Dakota and school. For the most part Dakota was enrolled in school at an extremely early age and has been attending ever since he is now 21.{the law provided us with an option for him to attend until he is 22} Although it was never our intent that he would go this long circumstances presented themselves which changed our course of action. Up until he was 18 --he was going to graduate BUT when he broke his leg things changed -- and I might say for the better because we found new life in a different classroom with a different teacher that gave him new and exciting options he never had before.

He is currently still in this class and has benefited greatly.There are draw backs mostly the kids are chronologically younger than him and have some behaviors that irritate Dakota .The upside is that they are socially advanced enough for Dakota to learn new "community skills" He also has had a lot more exposure to typical kids through the Best Buddies program and has a cute little sophmore girl that is his friend and she is a perfect match.

So heres the rub--- Dakota has always had difficulty in schedule or routine iterruptions and for example when there are minimum days or a day off for staff developement -- It totally scrwes him up!And it often takes me a week or so to get him back into the routine of getting up and going on a regular schedule to school -- He will be reluctant and resistant to going back-- AND currently this is occurring with him being off for his surgery.

I know there is apprehension because of the actual injury. I am quite sure the foot and toe are sensitive and he is afraid that going to school may cause discomfort. Also there is the psychological element of his fear about hurtig himself again which is impossible to convince him that - -IT WILL BE OK.

One other point of argument is that he is probably just had enough of school-- all of us know that it was a relief when we finally finished school and only had work to look forward too--ha ha 

All of that being said the crux of this problem is he is absolutely digging his heels in and not wanting to go back to school . Everyday it is a fight, an argument, a negociation .So I ask myself when is enough ---enough? As a Mother it my duty and obligation to not only encourage him to attend school but to insist that as long as he is well and enrolled that he must go--On the other hand I begin to second guess my insistance---Its not like he is taking a period of history and period of algebra etc :this school district has given up on him {although I press on at home to teach him}It not like he is going to get a diploma-- just a token "certificate of completion" So whats the point?--- WHAT IS THE POINT  of fighting a 21 year old young man to return to school when he doesnt seem to get much pay off for the extreme effort he has to make every day to face school with Autism? To go to  place where there are so few who understand and have the ability welcome him with open arms and where there is so little opportunity for him to be a part of the typical population. I have to admit I feel the regular ed kids are loosing out by not being integrated with our kids too. Afterall when school is done and all of us are out in the Big Bad World there is no separation whether is is color or size or disability we are all a community and that sens of community needs to start at school--Sadly it doesnt. Although educators are suppose to teach often times they dont realize that they are role models setting the wrong example by NOT having special needs kids in their classrooms--- this is a whole different subject

Resume back to enough is enough---I dont know if I have resolved the problem but I hope that I have shed light on the thought process when you are dealing with a Not So Typical kid---Every parent struggles with what is the right decision  I just think that sometimes we allow what others think to shade our decision . 

 

Mothers Day

I am not sure what happened or why I experienced this but last night I had a burst of overwhelming love for Dakota. Perhaps it was Mothers Day or because he had been gone during the day or maybe because my head and heart were in a perfect place --- i cant really explain it ---all I know is that My already intense love for my son was overwhelming

It was one of the most peaceful and perfect feelings I have ever had and it even brought tears to my eyes---

I only hope that every Mom has a moment like that because it was the most awesome feeling I have ever had!

To all who read I hope you all had a great Mothers Day

I know I did!

Back to Normal????

What is Normal???Is there such a thing????I dont know but many I know in the "Autistic Community" have always joked about this quandry.

Today we start integrating the regualr shoe. So I hope this will be the end of a nightmare that start over 3 years ago.No more therapy and no more appointments YIPEEEEEEE.

Of course I havent been able to do things like even sit on this computer and write in this journal as my nursing duties pretty much took up most of the day.If I was "nursing " I was placating Dakota's desire to just have someone around--again I guess I should be thrilled I have a kid that wants to be around his MOM! Then there is always the thought that summer is coming and once school is out theres a whole set of new routines in place--- OH WHO CAN KEEP UP WITH ALL OF THIS????

I guess my point to all of this is I have great hope that I will be able to get more things accomplished including my rant. I will say that I did discover a big life lesson after having Dakota that the old wives tale about "the housework will wait but the kids grow up" ; So dont stress too much about the dishes cuz they will still be there long after the kids are gone IS TRUE

And having a child, a teen, or young adult with Autism makes the point that you HAVE TO sieze the moment and take every opportunity because you never know when that will be a learning experience for your child----It has paid off in this house and I hope it will pay off for others . I continue to see Dakota growing babysteps and maybe he will always need someone here with him but as long as I see progress I will continue to leave the dishes in the sink !

HIATUS

Hello

for anyone who reads this journal just wanted to say I will be back this week -- Dakota recently had what I hope is his last surgery and things have been challenging to say the least

It appears that the surgey will correct his foot and hopefully we will get back to normal --whatever that is!!!!!

Thank you for being interested and if you have just started reading my "Rant" please feel free to go back into the archives for a sample of what I write about and I will have new excerpts shortly!!!!