There are so many myths about what Autism is and how it affects those who are challenged with this crazy diagnosis. One of the most prevelant is; our kids are so socially inept that they have no emotion or they have no preception how to display what emotion they might feel. A contributing factor to this is; many are unable to grasp "conceptual thinking" which is a part of their inability to show emotion.
Dakota is for the most part one of these individuals. He has a high tolerance for pain and internalizes most of his feelings by no language or eye contact. Even when you challenge him to respond--he hears you and he understands you but 90% of the time he refrains from acknowledging any inquiry you have for him.
Even when we have lost pets or people who are a part of our "world" his reaction is relatively nill. Often several days later he will intitiate some conversation about the subject but almost always with very little emotion. Adversely I have also witnessed what appears to be callous response to someone who has hit their head or stubbed their toe. He often laughs inappropriately and seems to find humor alomst pleasure from someone elses pain.{I know in my head that this is just the Autism however there have been occassions where those close to him and his diagnosis have become perturbed with his reaction--simply because they do not understand it}
Well today was a different day. It is a fine line between sorrow since my baby was sad and joy that I was witnessing a break through.
Dakota has suffered and extreme amount of anxiety about leaving school. So in an effort to keep him "connected" with the class, teacher and instructional aides we have tried to participate in a few activities since he graduated .
This morning we met the class at Target for the Best Buddies Christmas shopping trip. He was so excited he got up and was ready to go way before he usually even wakes up! We got dressed and when we entered the store he was so happy! It was his "Nirvana". He saw his friend and immediately glommed on and that was it-- "leave me alone Mom".
I need to finish later cuz Dakota is nervous about me writing----OK
Dakota was inner-acting with the Best Buddies {the typical peers that are paired with the special kids} and of course those whom he knew from his class last year. Everytime he saw someone else his face lit up. He wanted nothing to do with me--In fact they all gathered in the little cafe and were having a snack and he literaly pushed me away--- I retreated to the car to allow him to have his time with his friends.
Afterall the fall-der-all the kids started coming out and getting ready to get on the bus to head back to school. I walked up and said "Come on Dakota we will follow the bus back"--about that time his teacher came out and said "I am sorry Dakota you cannot ride on the bus". In that moment it seems that all was ok. We walked back to our car, got inside and positioned ourselves to watch the bus so that when it took off we would be right behind it. I noticed that Dakota has gotten very quiet and he was starting to say things about school and the class and the fact that he was too old to be in class. His mouth started to pucker up and the corners turn down. I knew he was escalating. I felt so helpless cuz I didnt know how to stop the hurt. For a few moments I beat myself up for even coming to the event. Then I realized I had a bigger mission here--What was done was done.I had to somehow make this a positive experience. As the bus turned out of the parking lot and headed for school the sorrow just became overwhelming for him. Huge crockadile tears, sobbing and snorting
Oh My God I dont think I have ever seen this much emotion. He was beside himself. Of course he lamented "They dont want me anymore!!!" "I didnt even graduate!" "They dont want me in the class!" My heart ached. I felt so incredibily bad for him. I actually pulled the car over and gave him a hug. I told him it was OK to be sad. He has the right to miss his friends. The important thing is for him to realize that is why you have to use the phone and email to keep in touch. So even if you don't see them in school every day you can still be their friends long after school is over for everyone.
He gathered his thoughts and sniffled quite a bit. I contemplated for a split moment not to go back to the school but thought differently in a few minutes. Following thru on the intial plan to return to the school and the class was the right thing to do. It was what we planned and discussed. By not following through I could have made the situation worse.
When we arrived at the school we entered the classroom and in the very front of the class on the chalk board was a picture of Dakota. The teacher pointed out to him that even tho he has completed his class he is still there every day looking back at those who are still there. He nestled up to his best friend and they even went out and visited at the benches . I spent a few more minutes with the teacher and then Dakota came back in and said it was time to go--- I was so proud and sad and happy and sorrowful all in one big ball. I didnt know what to feel. I knew that things happened today--Dakota really discovered some true emotion today and also how to recover and manage it.
I dont think we are ever prepared for things like this . In the moment they can feel "icky". Once you reflect and see the bigger picture its actually your child growing and experiencing situations that perhaps we thought they might never experience! AND in the end---it was a great day!!!!!!!!
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