The "F" bomb!!!!

Why do I put things off??? The queen procrastinator has entered the room-- Many thoughts have been coming to me that I want to post but I am not a typist so this does not come easy for me -- however I want to keep the journal going because it helps me so much -- And if it helps one person, one time, it is worth it ----

Well lets see;  I posted on the 16th and it must have been at least a week before that we had this "episode" in the Stater Bros Market  of all places.  You know the place that you go every week and all the people know you so even if you wait a week or two you will still run into someone who was there when "IT" happened!!!

In all fairness to Dakota it was not a routine day-- which consists of him going to school, I pick him up, we may run 1 errand something simple like a trip to the post office, his fast food run , and then home and in for the evening.Mom was in the car and I cant remember specifics that day but some how she and I had gotten into a "discussion" in the car where we butted heads--NO SURPRIZE there -- Dakota was in the back seat and of course absorbing it all.  I have noticed recently he has been much more attentive to the interactions of others especially those he lives with.

We had done several errands and I knew I was pushing my luck by adding one more stop but things had gome well up to that point so I figured it would be smooth sailing--right???WRONG                               We all had agreed it would be a quick trip --Mom went one way and Dakota and I another  about half way thru the store I saw Dakota start to get escalated 

He started to stem on grandma and her getting old and all of a sudden he decided he needed to find grandma-- at first I thought it was just a transition to go with her instead of me but by the time I got to the end of the aisle I saw him start to touch and pull on her face I tried to verbally prompt him back to the aisle I was at but i could tell a tidal wave was coming and I wasnt gonna be able to stop it so I went into DAMAGE CONTROL mode----

I heard his voice getting louder about her getting older- Mom uses a tone that is sometimes impatient or gruff and tells him to just forget it and lets keep shopping ---WRONG THING TO DO! he starts hollering at the top of his lungs "Just forget it"  "I said just forget it" As luck would have it the store was realatively empty but we were in the dairy section in the back of the store and of course just as the wave is about to hit 2 or 3 people come from nowhere and are getting in to close proximity. One was an older gruff looking man and I thought all I need is to have him decide hes gonna "teach Dakota a lesson". Dakota starts to grab at Grandma and continues to holler so I positioned myself between the 2 looked at Mom and said take my cart and we will be in the car--I put my arm around him and lowered my voice and started trying to soothe him by saying its ok Dakota lets just go to the car --come on --  ThankGod he complied and went willingly considering hes bigger than me now{before I could always just throw him over my shoulder and carry him out like a sack of potatoes} We were all the way down the aisle and about 20 to 30 feet from the door we came around the corner heading for the exit and thats when Dakota turned one last time and looked up the aisle and let it rip"F__ You"

Just at that moment my eyes meet with and older woman and what I think was her grand-daughter who was about 10 or 11--OH MY GOD the look! Well so you think you have had a bad day???I kept my eye on the prize which was to exit ASAP and we were out in a few more seconds-- we got to the car and he had an emotional breakdown --alligator tears and sobbing "why do you let grammy live with us??" Finally after about 10 minutes of words bouncing back and forth between us I realized from what he was saying that he was upset before we ever got out of the car and he was mad at his Grandma because he saw that I got upset at her -- she made me mad so he was mad at her--- it wasnt easy to arrive at that but I knew that was what had started it all

LESSON learned it wasnt his fault for his behavior once again-- I have to remember that although these kids often dont elude to understanding whats going on around them, they in fact soak in every thing and it affects them tremendously--I have to work on my behavior and demeanor every day because I never know when he will pick up on my attitude -- I owe it to him to give him every chance to have qualtiy of life and an enviroment where he can thrive. If I am yelling or not behaving appropriately it has a cause and effect on Dakota

Second LESSON is that you cannot let the circumstances embarrass you. We do not live in an OZZIE and HARRIET society --everything is not roses and sunshine and for the most part unless your childs behavior directly affects another person {like putting his hands on someone else}You DO NOT owe anyone an apology or explanation-- However sieze every opportunity to educate others  about autism

 

ttNew Postings to come!

hey  i have 2 or 3 things to post -- we had a meltdown in Stater Bros. and it was a dooooosey! and we went to the taping of a new TV show and Dak did so well -- It was a big accomplishment

Will be posting real soon!

On His Own

WOW I guess my guy is growing up --sometimes its hard for us to believe it and especially when you have kids like ours but you just have to celebrate every little  accomplishment like its a fricken graduation or something because you have times when you  seriously doubt that they will ever "get" some things!!!

As I previously told you Dakota had the tendom release last monday and the doctor recommended that he stay home and off of his foot as much s possible . The doctor did not want to "chance" that the toe would heal "curled up" and instructed both of us that if he got off the bed he absolutely must wear the special boot to keep his toe straight.

I struggled with him the first day remindingnhim to keep the boot on when he walked on the floor .

Wednesday I had gotten up before he did and came out to check email before the day was to start --- about an half an hour goes by and I hear him coming down the hallway and all I can do is freak cuz i am worried that he walking with out that boot!I jump up and turn around start to holler at him not to be walking withpout the boot to find my guy standing there in his underwear, t-shirt and the boot! HOORAY !!!

I cant tell you how awesome that felt to know that he woke up and had the presence of mind to put the boot on before coming out from his bedroom

Good Job ! Yipeeeeeee

Another Surgery

Again we find ourselves heading to the clinic for another "out patient proceedure" since Dakota broke his leg 18 months ago. And again we have to find someway to make this as easy and painless, not to mention without a meltdown, as possible.

This was supposed to have been done in July but was re-scheduled for many reasons . After over a year of physical therapy , many assessments, proceedures and evaluations; a tendon release was what the podiatrist ordered . This is another "hail Mary" if you will to get Dakota's "leg" back. For months now he has been telling me he wants to have the surgery cuz he wants his toes to be flat and in his own way has indicated on many occassions that the toe bugged him  BUT of course when the day came and we were actually walking into the clinic WELL the anxiety  started rearing its ugly head.

Being a Mom who had a few tricks under her belt, I came equipped to slay the "Big Behavior Dragon" with a sword that could cut down the mightiest of evil- - The portable DVD player! When Dakota was much smaller and not quite ready for the hair salon I used to prepare a place at home with a tall- stool chair, lots of old shower curtains and a TV strategicaly placed right in front of the chair loaded and ready to go with the video choice of the day-- some how the  movie and I managed to succeed to get the job done.  When these "proceedures"  came around and my son was becoming big enuf to no longer physically restrain or carry out I had to devise a new way to handle getting done what needed to get done!HENCE the portable DVD player equipped with a rechargeable battery pack, ear plugs if necessary and of course the most current or most preferred video in the house!

We checked in and went to the waiting area where I started the video giving him time to get involved with the story.  When it came time to go to the "spooky " nurse preping area and the O.R. he was already busy with the story-- vitals and bloodpressure taken , gowned up and we are off to the "room". Absolutely no hesitation entering the room and I continue to direct him to whats happening in his movie so he wont be distracted by whats actually going to happen. OOOpppssss theres a flinch when they put the "cold stuff" on him but once again I re-direct; the doctor administers the local and by the time hes saying "Mommy they are hurtung me" hes numb and about 10 more minutes and the doctor is done!

All I can say is that for us the Portable DVD player is a GODsend. You may have to find a "different carrot" for your child  a interactive book,a cd or radio ,an electronic toy of some kind or maybe a portable playstation but I know that someone should be able to benefit from this---and the payoff is walking out of the clinic having the work get done and your child with out a meltdown!

One last tip that seems to really make my plan work is when I know one of these damn things are coming up I pay particular attention to the dvds that are being released near the same date as the surgery and I make sure that he knows that new DVD will be in that player for that proceedure--- cant tell you how many times I have been bailed out by Harry Potter , Spiderman and Shrek!   

September and School

Just a quick update -- school has started and I remain cautiously optomistic .

We have started with an old plan put forth with new surroundings and new people and I am pretty happy right now. Many of the things that I have struggled to incorporate into Dakotas schedule have been put in to place with a new team of  people.

For the moment he has already done more things I have wanted for him in this 2 weeks than he had done in the passed 2 years so I am very happy in this moment. We  are incorporating a "safe haven" and special ed class with lots of communitiy activities { pretty neat new teacher, too}and some work experience with the opportunity for him to attend some reg ed classes -- just basic stuff like life science and basic english with the intent of pure socialization as the key-- no grading or other demands just an opportunity for him to be with other typical kids--

So time will tell but right now I am on cloud nine --- we will see how long it lasts! 

Celebration at Disneyland

What better  way to celebrat a birthday than at the Magic Kingdom?

We just spent almost 6 days at the Disneyland resort in a  beautiful room with a view to die for!!! The weather was great and we could see Downtown Disney, The Grand California Hotel, California Adventure, and all the Famous mountains of Disneyland--Space Mountain, Big Thunder Mountain, Splash Mountain and The Matterhorn plus we could watch the fireworks from the living room of the suite!

The best thing about the resort is there are many things you can do besides going to the parks. Not only do they have several pools but there are arcades, gift shops, waterfalls to explore, koi ponds, large park areas to just hang out and several eaterys including Goofys Kitchen {rather pricey,but} a must if you are celebrating a birthday. 

Things were a bit different this year as Dakota was still in a wheelchair last year and it made for a really  difficult time . Although he is still struggling through issues physically  he was at least up on his own 1 and 1/2 feet which helped mobility. Behavior  was stellar this year  only one real meltdown -- and that was in the pool because of his foot and inability to  be sure of himself  and the unfamliarity of  his surroundings he got very frustrated . I had also met a Mom who had an autistic son who was in the pool so we struck up a conversation which added to his frustration. I know it was  attention seeking behavior because he was afraid of his surroundings so when he started exhibiting the frustration i just said ok its time to go  and we headed back to the room and by the time we got back to the room he had managed to decompress--

For the most part we had a great time  but I have to share one incident I think could help someone else "read their child"--We had gone on Splash Mountain toward late afternoon it was still warm outside but we got horrendously wet even with a few hours of daylight left to dry  Dakotas shorts were a bit to heavy and never really dried. We continued a few more rides and towards dusk started back to the Hotel.  We  stopped for some reason for a minute and he grabbed his stomach on both sides and put out a big groan - - - - - I asked him what the matter was and he said "nothin" ;  we started out of the gates and stopped at Jamba Juice , I was speaking to thejuice girl when  I  turned around to find him slapping his foot on to the floor like a horse and throwing his knee to the outside -- just at that moment I realized that the shorts being wet were rubbing his legs and he was gaulded. We took a short cut thru The Grand  California Hotel and I got a valet to shuttle us over to our hotel-- My point is this when Dakota grabbed his stomach and groaned he was trying to tell me something then but I focused on the torso and kinda blew it off that his stomach couldnt be hurting.  I knew he wasnt hungry  so we pressed on until I finally caught the foot slapping in the juice store. Had I been just a little more  in tune I may have found his ailment sooner . I'm saying  that with these kids they dont always have all the tools to tell us when something is wrong .  You have to be a little bit of a mind reader and an extra special parent to take time to not react when they act out. Investigate to make sure they are not hurting or trying to tell us something is wrong-- {I have another story I will write about later  --The Sucker  } 

It is so incredibily easy to want your kid to conform to "typical " behavior that when they act out in public we tend to be quick to "squawsh" the behavior. Always Always Always take a few minutes to analyze whats going on and see if you can find another reason for the behavior-- I know its hard  and even I trip up after 19+ years   but our kids find different ways of telling us theres something wrong or theres something different. This has been a hard lesson for me . For the most part I think it is hard for every parent whether they have challenged kids or not  but our kids -- our autistic kids have different forms of communication and we have to give them the benefit of doubt when they are trying to tell us something -- One thing I believe 100% is that not one "behavior " happens for no reason ; we may never know all of the reasons but at least let your child use what ever means or tools he has to tell you something is wrong  - -  Spare an extra moment or two to read the cues

In the long run you will be a better parent and  in our case I have seen and improving child-- muchless acting out and more meaningful  behavior as well as the ability to self monitor  when a behavior does errupt!

As for Disneyland  a great time always  and once again a learning experience!