Why do I put things off??? The queen procrastinator has entered the room-- Many thoughts have been coming to me that I want to post but I am not a typist so this does not come easy for me -- however I want to keep the journal going because it helps me so much -- And if it helps one person, one time, it is worth it ----
Well lets see; I posted on the 16th and it must have been at least a week before that we had this "episode" in the Stater Bros Market of all places. You know the place that you go every week and all the people know you so even if you wait a week or two you will still run into someone who was there when "IT" happened!!!
In all fairness to Dakota it was not a routine day-- which consists of him going to school, I pick him up, we may run 1 errand something simple like a trip to the post office, his fast food run , and then home and in for the evening.Mom was in the car and I cant remember specifics that day but some how she and I had gotten into a "discussion" in the car where we butted heads--NO SURPRIZE there -- Dakota was in the back seat and of course absorbing it all. I have noticed recently he has been much more attentive to the interactions of others especially those he lives with.
We had done several errands and I knew I was pushing my luck by adding one more stop but things had gome well up to that point so I figured it would be smooth sailing--right???WRONG We all had agreed it would be a quick trip --Mom went one way and Dakota and I another about half way thru the store I saw Dakota start to get escalated
He started to stem on grandma and her getting old and all of a sudden he decided he needed to find grandma-- at first I thought it was just a transition to go with her instead of me but by the time I got to the end of the aisle I saw him start to touch and pull on her face I tried to verbally prompt him back to the aisle I was at but i could tell a tidal wave was coming and I wasnt gonna be able to stop it so I went into DAMAGE CONTROL mode----
I heard his voice getting louder about her getting older- Mom uses a tone that is sometimes impatient or gruff and tells him to just forget it and lets keep shopping ---WRONG THING TO DO! he starts hollering at the top of his lungs "Just forget it" "I said just forget it" As luck would have it the store was realatively empty but we were in the dairy section in the back of the store and of course just as the wave is about to hit 2 or 3 people come from nowhere and are getting in to close proximity. One was an older gruff looking man and I thought all I need is to have him decide hes gonna "teach Dakota a lesson". Dakota starts to grab at Grandma and continues to holler so I positioned myself between the 2 looked at Mom and said take my cart and we will be in the car--I put my arm around him and lowered my voice and started trying to soothe him by saying its ok Dakota lets just go to the car --come on -- ThankGod he complied and went willingly considering hes bigger than me now{before I could always just throw him over my shoulder and carry him out like a sack of potatoes} We were all the way down the aisle and about 20 to 30 feet from the door we came around the corner heading for the exit and thats when Dakota turned one last time and looked up the aisle and let it rip"F__ You"
Just at that moment my eyes meet with and older woman and what I think was her grand-daughter who was about 10 or 11--OH MY GOD the look! Well so you think you have had a bad day???I kept my eye on the prize which was to exit ASAP and we were out in a few more seconds-- we got to the car and he had an emotional breakdown --alligator tears and sobbing "why do you let grammy live with us??" Finally after about 10 minutes of words bouncing back and forth between us I realized from what he was saying that he was upset before we ever got out of the car and he was mad at his Grandma because he saw that I got upset at her -- she made me mad so he was mad at her--- it wasnt easy to arrive at that but I knew that was what had started it all
LESSON learned it wasnt his fault for his behavior once again-- I have to remember that although these kids often dont elude to understanding whats going on around them, they in fact soak in every thing and it affects them tremendously--I have to work on my behavior and demeanor every day because I never know when he will pick up on my attitude -- I owe it to him to give him every chance to have qualtiy of life and an enviroment where he can thrive. If I am yelling or not behaving appropriately it has a cause and effect on Dakota
Second LESSON is that you cannot let the circumstances embarrass you. We do not live in an OZZIE and HARRIET society --everything is not roses and sunshine and for the most part unless your childs behavior directly affects another person {like putting his hands on someone else}You DO NOT owe anyone an apology or explanation-- However sieze every opportunity to educate others about autism
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