"Stuff" I dont like to write about!

I woke up yesterday with a few scratches and scrapes and even a light bruise--- These are the things that create such complicated feelings and emotions in those of us that are caregivers.Dakota has had a couple of fairly aggressive days and although I am confident of the triggers { will write another post on triggers --soon to come} ; I believe that we all second guess our ability to "mind read" what our kids are going thru.When you live with Autism the years seem to give you perspective and observational skills that make you feel more "sure" about what is going on. BUT when you hit a day or days, sometimes, weeks, months or years where you are facing behaviors that make your kid crazy YOU WILL ALWAYS SECOND GUESS YOURSELF. Even more you often shutter to admit or mention these events to anyone. Not because of shame but moreso because of the inability of the typical community to grasp that these behaviors are what the disability is. These are the things that people referr to as"what goes on behind closed doors". Its not that it is abuse or something unacceptable, it is merely this crazy disorder making the brain inside our kids go WHACK. They have no filter, no ability to be angry without being physical . There is such a huge feeling of loss of control it is enough to drive you to be "provoked " by the behavior. Often times the best and quickest resolution is NO ACTION and believe me it is often times extremely difficult NOT TO REACT. {AND we are the caregivers that get this disorder can you imagine how  Joe Q. Public would react?}

I think the purpose of this post is two fold---1. to speak to those who deal with and live with Autism --who have had days like these and say -- its is part of the nasty, ugly, disgusting , son-of-a- bitch disorder and  "this too shall pass"--- Its OK and we do not live in an Ozzie and Harriet world where everything and everybody is perfect-- so do not be ashamed and do not be afraid to talk about it--this is a learning process for all of us and we have to allow the community to learn from us.
2. for the community or public side of this is that our kids are not monsters, that they are not INTENT on hurting or defacing property --that this IS THE CONDITION OF THE DISABILITY. That their fear or shunning of individuals who have Autism is without merit and that if they would take a few minutes to learn about someone who has Autism that they can greatly improve the lives who live with this crappy thing called Autism.

We need to be aware that more and more individuals are coming into the community with this disability. That these people have skills and abilities {perhaps very "tailored or narrow"} but we need to bring them into the patchwork of the community and the only way that will happen is by tolerance and accepting someone who may not be just like you.