No Apparent Reason

Wow this is a loaded subject--- I cannot tell you how many times I have seen Dakota "blow up" and the first thing that comes to my mind is "where the hell did that come from?" It been a years on this journey and I feel like I have an answer --now. I guess I consider it "on the job training" . ....Again I hesitate to say, answer but more like observation and summation---
Additionally among many of the Autism support groups online and Autism blogs you read over and over parents and caregivers having the same remark or reaction: {out of context and totally generic} My son just starts pinching or biting for NO APPARENT REASON 
OR
My daughter just started banging her head  for NO APPARENT REASON
In my Humble Opinion I do not believe that these actions have NO APPARENT REASON--we may not be able to see what it is that is bothering them or we may not understand their language but in my heart I believe that these actions absolutely have a purpose.

Yesterday was what I call a "I should have had a V-8 moment"-- Don't know if you remember the commercial years ago where the person suddenly discovers that the choice they made should have been the V-8 and they hit their head with an open palm and say "I should have had a V-8!" Well yesterday I was attempting to get Dakota to go bowling-which has been a preferred activity in the past....however for the most part I have always made arrangements for him to go with his friend and mentor Brad and one or a couple of peers -- to develop his independence and let him get away from Mom for an afternoon--Well Brad has unfortunately passed away and since then he has been resistant to bowl but has done it a few times-- not with much success but at least done it--- So fast forward to yesterday and I drag out his bowling ball and all of a sudden he FLIPS OUT.......he swacked at me and started to scream --and I found myself saying AGAIN "where did that come from ??? that was for NO APPARENT REASON." So the wheels start grinding in my head and I am trying to analyze what triggered this behavior--- --In the meantime I have found that the best thing is to let him "defuse" a bit by letting him be; while my mind ungulates all the factors-- within about 15 minutes he started crying and before too long it was painful gut wrenching emotion--- I asked him what he was feeling and why didnt he want to go. After about 10 minutes he professed "hes gone , he left me and I cant see him" I knew right away he was talking about Brad----- It was really the first time he mourned the loss of his friend. Brad has been gone almost 2 years and it has taken this long for him to come full circle to realize exactly what has happened --- then he asked me is Brad was with his grandpa and I told him that hopefully they were there together and on some level they were watching over him{Dakota} from the "other side".   

I guess the point of all this is my opinion that there IS A REASON for the biting.pinching, hitting, screaming,running, eloping, spitting,or whatever behavior you might encounter. God didnt make these children and adults with out feelings and emotions  he just left out the ability to portray them . This is their disability and I guess on some level we have to be "super" human to realize and recognize that their actions are purposeful/ We have to be the "shaman" who deciphers "the code"

The next time something like this happens just take a deep breath and say to yourself "Ok theres something going on and I am gonna do my best to figure it out-" It doesn't always come to you in the moment sometimes it will be hours or days later when you finally have that "V-8 moment"  Leaving yourself open to that and knowing there is a reason  eliminates shutting yourself down and not being receptive to answering your own question==="where did that come from?"
Doing that helps you be a better caregiver but more importantly validates the individual. It also opens the door to teach better ways of communication . When they "get" that you understand  them they can make improvements in their ability to tell us what they are feeling .
Just remember its NEVER FOR NO APPARENT REASON!