It is what it is!!!!!

I was recently writing to another parent and discovered that I had another "rant" to publish. Don't let the word "rant:" put you off its just my way of identifying issues that I feel can be common to many of us who care for individuals with Autism. While I work through the behavior I develop observations and opinions I hope might help someone else who has reached a point where they feel helpless or distraught because they just cannot figure out what to do next!

And so it goes:
I read an article several years ago by a very high functioning Autistic girl who was angry with her parents for continuing to "rid" her of her Autism. They had taken her to many doctors and tried chelation, diets and other behavioral strategies --all to make her better . Her opinion was that as she has gotten older she resented her parents trying to make her something she IS NOT! Her  article went on to say that she felt betrayed and that Autism was a part of who she was and when others even your parents try to change that,  they are changing the person. She did not necessarily like all the things that came with Autism but it was a part of her and she wanted to remain true to herself.  This was an epifamy for me.
As the last 4 or 5 years have come to pass her words ring true to our situation more and more. When you have a baby and then a child you do everything in your power to protect ,provide and guide for their best interest. But as our kids develop in to adolescence and adulthood we have to realize that they are humans first. Meaning that regardless of the Autism they still have wants needs and desires like ANYONE ELSE. -They have their own personality traits and WE HAVE TO HONOR THAT .

I was recently telling another Mom that after 23 years I have arrived at a different point than those who have younger kids. Not so much "been there done that:" but more "Why bang my head against a cement wall?"

The observation was this----Dakota has things he likes. Maybe I don't like them . He is 24. Almost every parent on earth has an adult child that they don't like or agree with what their child has done or is going to do. Yes hes not typical and that does have some bearing on the process but essentially he has a right to do and feel what he wants. I see where his "disability" limits him and I try to enhance those parts of his life.

He needs exposure to community and as much social interaction as I can produce for him and he will accept BUT I can only present the opportunity to him and it HAS TO BE  his choice whether he engages or not. If nothing else, 23 years has given me this little "pearl of wisdom". I want Dakota to be the best he can be but I realize that at this point its more aggravation for me than it is for him.
Its not giving up its recognizing that Dakota is who he is and likes what he likes and does what he wants to do and I have to accept that his him and his personality.Sometimes I find that incredibility hard -- and it is not anything I think anyone can relate too just where I have landed after 23 years.

All I can say is if you are experiencing anything like this --Just do the best you can do  Relax and don't have a coronary over it --- Because It Is What It Is!