This past week thousands of parents filled stadiums and gymnasiums to celebrate the accomplishment of their children who have survived the school system and have graduated. They sit with pride and angst as they see their kids pass the threshold of being a youngster to early adulthood. In all probability wondering: What will they do next ?Where will they go? Who will they become?
It's as much a "right of passage" for the parents as it is for the kids and I think we all face it with anticipation. Never knowing if we will be anymore prepared for it then our kids are.
This week I sat on the sidelines of life, as I watch Dakota's opportunity to walk at graduation and celebrate this long over due accomplishment pass by. I cannot lie that a part of me died and another part cried because Autism stole that away from both of us. I will however point a finger at DeDe Moga and the Special Education Department of Chaffey Joint Union High School District as well.
I wont go on an editorial rant about the injustice my son received from the school district because there is a bigger lesson here to write about however the actions by the above mentioned person and others within the school district Did Not help and definitely contributed to the end result of Dakota refusing to walk for graduation.
The week before graduation we were successful to get Dakota to participate in Senior Luau and a special party for seniors in his class.
Because Dakota had exited school in January we knew we had a huge task on our hands bringing him back into the fold at the end of the year. So many had drilled into his head that he was done with school and it was time for him to move on that he had this in his head. So when the activities started to come around he would echo what he had heard over and over that "He was done" and "He was not going back". I kept trying to put a positive spin on it; that he was not returning but this was a celebration of completion-- that it was a way for him to say exactly what he was saying; that "HE WAS DONE!" Some how I didn't do a very good job of convincing him.
The day came for graduation and he had to go to practice in order to be able to participate in the ceremony-- he stonewalled, dug his heels in and refused to get out of bed. It's really understandable but still hard to accept. As a parent all those bells and whistles go off in your head and say "OK should I "make" him go? -- Should pull parental rank and force the issue? For a typical kid --YES; for a kid with Autism the answer is much more of a gray area. It gets back to what I have lamented many times before I can only present the opportunity -- it is up to him to make the decision to act on it.
One of the other facets to this is, again my expectations as a parent. Me thinking that this should be an enjoyable, fun and exciting event. Me thinking that any kid would want to do this-- because I did when I was a kid. Well -- whats up with that ? Just because I enjoyed it and loved it and wanted to participate doesn't mean that Dakota wants to do the same thing. He is an individual and is entitled to his own wants and needs. Besides who am I fooling???Although the great majority of parents and kids are experiencing this celebration there are many others who are not and they are not all Autistic! There are certainly typical kids who never finish High School for more reasons than I can imagine including some who just do not want to walk . Maybe because they are quiet individuals who do not enjoy the limelight and hoop-la.
In retrospect there was a little let down and sadness. And as usual with a little creativity I made our own kinda of acknowledgement of the day. I told Dakota I would not make him do anything he did not want to but would he please just go up to the stadium and look around. I told him we would go several hours before the actual ceremony so he would not feel any pressure---he agreed. {I took his cap and gown and certificate hoping I could convince him to put them on.}
We arrived at the perfect time everything was set up but no one was around -- we walked to the stage and podium I took all the garb with me and asked him one more time if he would put on the gown-- and he was having none of that BUT He stood up on the stage leaned on the podium and let me take pictures. Then he was done. As he left and headed back to the car. I took the cap and gown out and hung them on the podium and snapped a couple of pictures as a tribute to the "Unknown Soldier".
18 years, countless IEP's, fight after fight with the schools, laughter, tears, set backs and accomplishments all came to an end on that day. Now its time to conquer the rest if his life. Most importantly doing every thing I can to make sure he is happy and healthy.
This chapter has come to an end-- a little different than I pictured it but hey "ya work with what cha got!"
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