Only A Mother's Perception ????????

I don't want this to sound snobbish or narrow minded but sometimes it seems like I am the only one who truly understands my son. I know anyone who has read the past few entries about Dakota and his "antics" with grandna probablyy got a good belly laugh . I even have a very close friend who wrote me and told me that she, too had a similar experience with her children and when she read my of my fiasco she could not help laughing out loud. Getting back to my point that many can relate to circumstances but when it comes to applying "learned" strategies of coping with "Attention Seeking Behavior" all bets are off when you are in the "heat of an episode" {as my mother would call it}

It becomes a real talent to stop and re-group when you are between an autistic individual and a senior citizen squaring off for a "showdown"-- The big problem is I have actually learned how to control Dakotas environment {too and extent} in order to defuse most behaviors and situations BUT the real challenge is my mom - the senior.

Grandma has spent the last 20 years in very close proximity to Dakota. She has attended every meeting know to man and has graciously been here { I take great liberty with this statement} working with me to give Dakota the best that he deserves. She knows about what "sets him off and how to handle most situations but occasionally when the "shit hits the fan" all bets are off . And it does seem like as she gets older it is more often.

I have to qualify this behavior does not only apply to her but to his Dad and even sometimes me! Lets not forget all the "professionals" -- I have seen even they : in their finest hour-- can loose their cool and/or concentration and mis handle Dakota. I know this is not the only household and it is not exclusive to Autism and the families who walk this journey.It just seems more intense , more prominent because of the disability components-- I look at Dakotas life as a learning experience for me and every day I can put another "tool" in my tool belt so when the day comes I have the means to interrupt and re-direct the behavior to avoid the next major tsunami. BUT for some reason others just don't seem to have the same ability to STOP; TAKE A DEEP BREATH; THINK A MINUTE AND THEN EITHER ACT OR IGNORE.

I actually started this excerpt to tell about my wild weekend {Fathers Day}{which I will do}to more of a commentary on how to hopefully avoid or address behaviors How people with their greatest intentions and love for an autistic individual can totally undermine a situation if they don't continuously remind themselves what works for each individual---For example when Dakota does something stupid like pour goop on grandmas head the less you react and the more you ignore the faster you will defuse the situation and he will return to us in afew minutes when the "static has calmed in his brain".But the natural reaction of most folks is to get mad and get even -- we all have a tendancy to take things too personally instead of remembering its a Big Bad Boogie Man in his head that HE has NO CONTROL over it! I am no angel and have occasions where I re-act in appropriately but I am trying and find that I am getting better -- DAMN I should after 21 years --right?

The hardest thing for me is when I hear his Dad or Grandma{even me sometimes too!} react with words like "he's old enuf to know better" ; "he knows what's going on"; "he's no dummy" ; "he has the ability to know right from wrong". All these statements are true HOWEVER-- Although Dakota is very intelligent and can be the most precious child and young man on earth and I would even argue probably<SPAN id=sp-35 title=" ay, by, cy, my, yd, ye, yo" style="BACKGROUND: url(undefinedimages/bg_spellingErr.gif) yellow repeat-x left bottom; PADDING-BOTTOM: 2px; COLOR: #000" _backupTitle="null"> a much better son than most young men on this earth most of the time he still CANNOT control what he knows is not right ---THAT'S AUTISM DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

It is incedibily amazing when you see a kid progress and make milestones strides and your refer to him as high functioning an how he has adapted so well; CRASH AND BURN.The funny thing is more times than not we fan the flames because we cant get beyond our own natural deficits to react in the way we were molded. Its no ones fault But we have to be the ones to step up and say "Hey He's the one struggling with the crap in his head so I have to put to good use the social behaviors God gave me to understand him and make life betterfor him" .Sometimes that means recognizing and respecting the Autism . Being the bigger person and not taking things personally or the way things 'SHOULD' be-- Because on the path of this lifetime journey there will never be any rest! It is a lifetime marathon. One to make life a little bit more enjoyable for our babies!