21 and still struggling

Again those of you who have typical kids probably take this stuff for granted but here's some food for thought--- I cant tell you how many times I have been in a store and a child : doesn't matter the age 2 or 7 or 12 will act up and you can see the frustration and/or embarrassment on usually the Mom who is attempting to "correct" their child in public and of course the child is just not comply-ing. I will walk by the Mom and quietly say that she has nothing to be embarrassed about and plenty to be Thankful for because I have an Autistic child whom I wish would do some of the things that their children are doing. I have to tell you I have never received a negative reception from any of the moms I have approached. I think they are relieved that someone has felt their stress--

Well that's a social situation and one that we can sometimes train our children adapt appropriate behaviors but what about more primary needs particularly those concerning health?grooming? or daily living skills?

Part of that observation is having a child with Autism is similar to having a an infant one that does not tell you when something hurts or feels good or when they are sick or hungry--it becomes a guessing game coupled with subtle nuances your child sends you.

I always try to see the strengths and the positives but I often wonder how a person who has never dealt with this situation would react if suddenly one of our children was dumped into their laps{I guess its the old thought about dying and who will take care of my child once I am gone and how well will they will treat my guy}

So here's some of the challenges : I have a kid who does not blow his nose-- its not for trying its because he has no clue how to make his nose blow out the snot--SORRY i have for the better part of 20 years tried to get him to understand the concept of blowing his nose but every time I place the Kleenex over his nose he blows air out of his mouth! I have tried believe me showing him how i do it having him hold the Kleenex HE JUST DOES NOT GET THE CONCEPT So I use a baby suction-- sure its not age appropriate but what can I do-- I refuse to let him roam around with his nose full. Then you have the quandary of what happens when he's not in you company ??? Are you going to ask or require those caring for your kid to suction him??I mean its a tough call.

OK next -- SPITTING when he is sick and he starts coughing phlegm how do you explain to your kid that he needs to rid his body of that awful stuff that he just coughed up??My guy freaks out about spitting and of course that meaning being sick too. He refuses until the body over rules him-- and usually there's a mess to clean up .

Drinking water-- this has become one of the most difficult and current issues. Dakota has a huge amount of OCD {Obsessive Compulsive Disorder}about eating and food rituals. There are specific places Dakota REQUIRES going on specific days but one of the most peculiar is his beverages-- He has one and one cup for Hot Tea NOTHING else can go in that cup including other hot items like cocoa--he has one specific glass for Ice Tea and he will ONLY drink Ice Tea from that glass -- he will yield to Ice Tea in a restaurant however he has been on a mortitorium going to restaurants for about 3 or 4 years--occasionally his father can get him in one and when we went on vacation he yielded a bit--Soda he will only drink if it is in the appropriate cup from the fast food place he has gone to that day--DON'T EVEN TRY to give him soda in a cup from the place the day before --its just will not work.He had a juice glass I wrote about previously and now he will not drink juice AT ALL! BUT water it is the biggest issue of all. he has one glass he will drink from at home but that glass cannot go to another location and be used. He will not drink out of a bottle of water and he will not drink from a water cooler--- At school the only thing he will drink is from a fountain and he has become entrenched in this ritual just about everywhere he goes. I have gotten to the point of watching for fountains NO MATTER where we go just to give him opportunities to drink water and keep hydrated.He has resorted to drinking water out of the spigot at his Dads as well as many places we have gone to stay at-- even occassionaly he will do it in his own home. I worry cuz I know this is a major health issue but so far I don't have any answers or strategies.

There are so many things could continue writing about but for now I will leave with these thoughts -- The one thing that continues to resonate is that you have to just keep plugging away and trying different things and PICK YOUR BATTLES .Present opportunities and hope that your child will accept it--if he/she doesn't just try again later.you cant change Autism you can only learn to live with it. Your child has it live with all the peculiar things going on in their heads all we can do is try to understand and be creative to offering alternatives. MOST IMPORTANTLY DO GIVE UP AND NEVER GIVE IN TO OTHERS OPINIONS--do what's right in your gut! That way you will have no regrets!