Weary

There are many conquests and successes that I try to notate because those who read this  I want to encourage! But as we all know life is not all roses and at first thought I did not want this journal to go down as all "fluff" and no "grit". After taking a brief look back at my entries I guess I have presented a "Fair and Balanced" report.

All of that being said I had a moment yesterday that felt like a 2 ton rock on my shoulders-- It was nothing specific it was just daily living and the routines that I do everyday --somehow it just piled up and got to me yesterday. It actually flowed over a bit to today so thats what has brought me to write tonight.

Many ask you what the future holds and you reply in ernest you really dont know. Of course like any other parent you hold out hope that some miracle will happen or that your child will just wake up someday and the "grey curtain" inside their brains will just be gone--- The simple truth is they will always suffer from Autism. Every parent prays for a "cure" tommorrow--hell yesterday; but the simple fact is even if there is a "cure" those that already suffer from Autism will for the rest of their lives.

There are many treatments and strategies that seem to help some if not many kids but there is no magic formula for ALL.Similar to diabetes there it does seem that things like diet can help a large population of Autistics-- but it does not cure it.

This is incredibily frustrating-- when you see you child struggle ever day with things that "typical " children parents and families dont struggle with it makes you want to scream. everyday is a challenge to present opportunities so your kid can be "normal " or have a "normal experience".Things as simple as having a typical experience in the school cafeteria or playground.Forget the classroom that is a challenge that is mainly driven by an IEP {INDIVIDUAL EDUCATION PLAN}  but you have no control over the outside forces like the other children in the class or even some staff members in and out of the classroom like the secretary in the office or the janitorial people. Then your child begins to get older and ther are things like dances and sports tryouts, plays, and music or art-- Things that are usually taken for granted by parents : most kids initiate their own involvement. Our kids just dont do that

And that where the weary comes in--- as you go thru the daily routine of Autism sometimes there is no end in sight --there wont be an empty nest, there wont be a wedding and grand kids, there wont be a college graduation, and the list goes on--- It makes your heart weary it makes your brain work over time how you can be creative to take the crayons you were given and to color the picture the best you can-- Just when you think you have things under control  whooooooops here comes a tantrum or you have to go help in the bathroom or you get a call from school and something has happened there   SWOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHHH you are on overlaod over time! Its a wild ride!

When all this happens you feel your spirit being crushed and you just want to cash in your chips and quit playing. Then from somewhere -- I dont know where you get a second wind-- your baby says "I love you Mommy" or he goes and takes the stuff out of the dryer or some simple thing and you are RE-NEWED. As if someone has breathed new life into you-- You go to sleep and wake the next day and things have been washed from your worries and you press on.

I had a day of weariness yesterday but tonight I can write about it and urge others to know that the day will come and go but our kids will always need us to be their champions--and thats what washes away all the doubts.

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