Guilt and Observation

Boy is this a loaded topic: I have laid in bed many nights thinking about writing this "excerpt"and really have come to no conclusion just a lot of opinion.Those of us who have special needs or challenged children operate in a different frame of mind on a daily basis---The most prevalent feeling is guilt-- What did I do that caused my child to enter this world with such overwhelming challenges??Could I have done something different ?Did I do something wrong? What can I do to make it up to this child??How will our family survive?What can be done to allow my child to live the most "normal" life possible?{Theres even guilt about referring to "normal"} {What is NORMAL?}How can I make it easier for others to embrace my child?And list goes on and on and on...........

Once you emerge from the first stages of the denial and guilt you realize that what will be will be and you HAVE TO Pick yourself up by the boot straps and get on with life and the living--

You educate yourself and begin to grow with your child and try to do all that you can to bring him into the world as it is and by the same token bring the ways of the world to him.There is a constant struggle to alter and adjust those around your child to understand and accept their diasbility.Somehow you know that the world in general will never change or accept anything less than the "Status Quo" so you try to "mold" your child to recieve everything that will be thrown in his path-- Sometimes you have a child that can handle it and sometimes you dont--BUT YOU NEVER STOP TRYING

Coupled with all this "manipulation" comes daily living and the "normal" world of a child and soon to be adult--The Christmas Pagents,The candy drives,The science Fair, Girl Scouts or Boys Scouts, Sleep overs, Football tryouts, Cheerleading tryouts, Homecoming and Football games, dances and the Prom, Graduation ceremony OUR KIDS and our families dont enjoy those simple things the same way someone who has "typical" children. I am not trying to evoke sorrow or sympathy only trying to open eyes to a different perspective-- I really believe that most who don't live with these challenges do not have a clue how different it is for us. Many if not all of the parents of these children with disabilities were typical kids themselves and had "normal" lives growing up so wanting their kids to have the same experience is exactly like a parent of a "normal"child {boy is that an awkward sentence} HENCE GUILT

As time progresses either your child does or does not but as a parent you continue to be relentless in the pursuit of making things a good as you can for your child--many of us fail a lot of the time but when you suceed you are on top of the world--What you find yourself doing is presenting situations or events that your child can function in repeatedly exposing them so they can have a "normal" experience in life-- This too comes with a price Then the child becomes so accustomed to the routine then it becomes an obsessive activity HENCE more guilt because you promoted it!!!!

Is there a happy medium--? No one know the answer.

And here is where my OPINION comes into this "dissertation"You have to do what is right for you, your child and family.You have to shut out the opinions of others teachers, professionals, in-laws, counselors, other peers,even my opinion and make your own decision. Do what feels right . Do what sounds right . Do what works right . How do you know--- This is the one thing I hope you will listen to me about:

GO WITH YOUR GUT---If it feels right and you know deep down inside that it seems right then it probably is...and you will never regret the choices or decisions you make. You may question yourself later but what I have found is that even as I look back on the 21 year journey I have traveled with my son I can draw peace in knowing that although I may not have accomplished all that I have wanted to, that I have tripped along the way I have no regret because I know I did what was right for the time AND I knew it in MY GUT.

Take no Prisoners Do Not apologize for your decsions You are playing a different game than others on this Life-Plane And your child only stands to benefit from a parent who stands up and makes the right decisions FROM THEIR OWN OPINIONS!