ONE YEAR AGO TODAY; DAKOTA BROKE HIS LEG. ALTHOUGH IT SEEMS THAT I CAN PERHAPS SEE THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL --OUR FAMILY IS A LONG WAY FROM THE FINISH---- AT THIS POINT MY HEART HAS SUFFERED ANOTHER BLOW FROM WHICH I DONT THINK IT WILL EVER RECOVER AND I HAVE NO ABILITY TO ERASE OR FIX WHAT HAS HAPPENED. IT IS INCREDIBILY FRUSTRATING WHEN YOU THINK YOU HAVE TAKEN EVERY PRE-CAUTION AND YOU HAVE PLACED YOUR CHILD IN THE HANDS OF COMPETENT PEOPLE ONLY TO HAVE SOMETHING HAPPEN THAT SEEMS TO BE UNEXPLANABLE OR UN ACCOUNTABLE.
TO ARRIVE AT A PLACE WHERE YOU HAVE MOURNED THE FACT THAT YOUR CHILD IS NOT "TYPICALLY DEVELOPING" BUT YOU ARE OK WITH THE CHALLENGE AND ARE FACING IT HEAD ON;TO ASSESS YOUR CHILDS POSITIVE ABILITIES AND ONE OF THEM BEING AN ABLE BODY WITH 10 FINGERS AND 10 TOES THAT WORK CORRECTLY AND THEN TO FACE THE FACT THAT NOW THERE IS ANOTHER DISABLING FACTOR IN YOUR CHILDS LIFE IS DEVASTING--
THE ONLY THOUGHT I HAVE IS , IF IT HURTS ME THIS MUCH WHAT IS IT DOING TO MY CHILD? THE BITCH IS ""OH THATS RIGHT HE DOESNT HAVE THE ABILITY TO TRUELY TELL ME JUST HOW MUCH IT HURTS , WHEN IT HURTS, WHAT HIS HEAD IS PROCESSING FROM THE FEAR ,THE ABILITY TO ACTUALLY FEEL THE FEAR AND KNOW WHAT IT IS AND OH YES ,HOW 'BOUT PROCESSING THE FEELINGS AND LEARNING HOW TO RE-COOP FROM THESE FEELINGS AND FEARS WHAT A HELPLESS DAMN FEELING.
AS THE SAYING GOES THO "IT IS WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE" "DONT CRY OR SPILLED MILK" "PULL YOURSELF UP BY THE BOOT STRAPS AND GET ON WITH LIFE" YES ITS ALL FINE AND GOOD FOR THOSE WHO LEAD A RELATIVELY NUERO-TYPICAL LIFE , TO ALL OF US ,IT IS ANOTHER HOLE IN THE BOAT AND THE WATER CONTINUES TO FLOOD THE LIFE RAFT WE CLING ON TO WITH OUR HOPES . THAT THINGS WILL BE BETTER OR THERE IS ANOTHER "CURE" JUST OVER THE NEXT WAVE AS WE DROWN AT SEA.
SOMETIMES IT IS VERY DIFFICULT TO PUT THESE WORDS OUT THERE FOR OTHERS TO READ --BUT THE ONE DRIVING FORCE IS THEFACT THAT I KNOW I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE OUT ON THIS OCEAN JUST TRYING TO SURVIVE AND ALL MY RANTS AND RAVES ARE TO LET THOSE OTHERS KNOW WE FLOAT IN SEPARATE LIFEBOATS BUT WE ARE ALL IN THE SAME WATER! KEEP BAILING- KEEP PADDLING-KEEP PRAYING
1 comment:
HUN, YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN! I ALSO HAVE A CHILD WITH AUTISM. WE ARE JUST GETTING STARTED THOUGH. HE IS 2&1/2. I HAVE 4 OTHER CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 8. NEEDLESS TO SAY, I AM BOUND TO SINK IF MY BOAT DON'T GET FIXED! FEEL FREE TO CHECK OUT MY JOURNAL...http://journals.aol.com/rmommyoffive/SPECIALNEEDS
NOPE- YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT FEELS THIS WAY...I AM RIGHT HERE WITH YA!
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