THOUGHTS AFTER THE MEETING

KINDA HIT A WALL YESTERDAY BECAUSE THE GENERAL PROGNOSIS THAT I GOT FROM MORE THAN ONE EXPERT WAS THAT I WILL HAVE GREAT DIFFICULTY FINDING FUNDING FOR THIS BECAUSE IT IS TOOALL-INCLUSIVE.  THAT CERTAIN SOURCES WOULD FUND CERTAIN THINGS BUT NOT OTHERS AND THAT I NEED TO GO TO AREA 12 AND START PRESSURING THEM TO ADVOCATE FOR THIS  BECAUSE THERE IS NOTHING OUT THERE FOR THESE KIDS THAT ARE TRANSITIONING FROM HIGH SCHOOL -- MY BIGGEST PROBLEM  ;  THE REALITY IS THE "BIGNESS" OF THE CENTER AND THE FACT THAT I WANT TO DO SO MANY DIFFERENT THINGS  WILL PROBABLY BE THE REASON I HAVE DIFFICULTY FUNDING IT---ITS SO STUPID BECAUSE AS A PARENT  OR EVEN A PROFESSIONAL  LOOKING FOR  SERVICES FIND THEY ARE SO FRAGMENTED ;  THERE IS NO CONTINUITY OR COMMON THREAD. I WANT THIS CENTER TO PROVIDE THAT --THE ONLY WAY IT CAN BE THAT ; IS FOR IT TO BE AS INCLUSIVE  AS I HAVE DESIGNED--- ITS A CATCH 22 ONE OF THE OTHER PROBLEMS THAT BOTHERS ME IS THAT I DONT WANT TO CHALLENGE THE STATE OR ANY OTHER AGENCY TO PROVDE THIS BECAUSE IT WILL BECOME SOMETHING TOTALLY DIFFERENT IN THE END. THE CENTER IN ITS PUREST FORM IS ONLY GOING TO BE EFFECTIVE IF IT IS PRIVATE ENDEAVOR ..   LETTING A STATE AGENCY BE INVOLVED IN ANYMORE THAN FUNDING MEANS WE HAVE TO DO THINGS BECAUSE THE OF A STATE MANDATE . OR WE ARE RESTRICTED FROM DOING THINGS BECAUSE OF THE STATE'S INVOLVEMENT . I KNOW I WANT MY CAKE AND EAT IT TOO THE STATES MONEY BUT NOT THEIR SAY-SO I SOUND LIKE A TEENAGER LIVING AT HOME WHO WANTS FREEDOM AND ALL THE LUXURIES OF HOME BUT DOESNT WANT TO LISTEN OR DO WHAT MOM AND DAD WANT!!! I CAN FEEL THIS CENTER IN MY BONES AND I KNOW THERE IS A NEED FOR IT JUST THE WAY IT IS IN MY HEAD AND WHAT I HAVE ON PAPER BUT I AM NOT SURE IT WILL EVER COME TO FRUITITION   WHAT I THINK IS THAT I DONT WANT THE PARENTS TO BE BURDENED WITH PAYING FOR MOST OF THE SERVICES  THE CENTER PROVIDES  .  SO; THAT JUST ABOUT ELIMINATES CREATING IT AS A  PROFIT MAKING BUSINESS  BUT IT SEEMS TO BE THE ONLY WAY I CAN MAKE IT WHAT IT SHOULD BE----- THE OTHER SIDE OF THAT COIN IS THAT  MOST OF THESE PARENTS HAVE BEEN PULLED IN EVERY DIRECTION WITH SO MANY "CURES AND STRATEGIES " POTIONS AND  PILLS" AND I SEE IT EVERYDAY IN THE ON-LINE SUPPORT GROUPS THE DOUBT THAT ERUPTS IN THE PARENTS : THAT PEOPLE ARE ONLY IN IT FOR THE MONEY  ; THAT WE ARE EASY TARGETS BECAUSE WE ARE SO DESPERATE TO FIND A "CURE". MOST OF THESE PARENTS AND CARE GIVERS  ARE WORKING AN EXTRA JOB OR HAVE TAKEN A JOB THAT IS FROM HELL BECAUSE IT HAS SOME BENEFIT FOR THEIR CHILD .EITHER BY WAY OF ACTUAL BENEFITS OR THE HOURS ACCOMODATE THE CARE OF THEIR CHILD--- THEY ARE TIRED , WEARY, FRUSTRATED, FED-UP, CONFUSED YET THEY TRUDGE ON FOR THE LOVE AND DESIRES THEY HAVE FOR THEIR CHILD  AND THE WHOLE FAMILY.     I CANT TELL YOU HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE READ ABOUT FAMILIES SCRAMBLING TO GET INSURANCE TO PAY FOR A TEST  OR ONE MOM WORKING WITH ANOTHER MOM TO POOL THEIR KNOWLEDGE FOR THE BEST OUTCOME. ONE OF THE MOST RECENT SUBJECTS ON ONE OF THE AUTISM SUPPORT GROUPS IS THE FACT THAT THE DA N   DOCTORS {DEFEAT AUTISM NOW} {ITS A BIO-MEDICAL APPROACH ] CHARGE  A MINIMUM OF $300 AN HOUR  AND ONE MOM EVEN WROTE ABOUT THE FACT THAT IN ORDER TO GET THE LAB RESULTS ON HER CHILD, FROM THE DOCTOR ,  SHE HAD TO CALL IN WITH A CREDIT CARD SO THE DOCTOR COULD CHARGE HER A HALF AN HOUR FOR A PHONE CONSULTATION  -- NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT THE MAJORITY OF INSURANCE CARRIERS DO NOT COVER OR RECOGNIZE MOST OF THE THERAPIES  IN THE DAN  PROTOCOL   SO ITS ALL OUT OF POCKET   HOW CAN I SERIOUSLY JUSTIFY CREATING A CENTER WHERE PARENTS HAVE TO PAY? MAYBE I SHOULD CONSIDER MAKING IT LIKE A GYM AND SELL MEMBERSHIPS --   PEOPLE SIGN UP FOR GYMS ALL THE TIME TO MAKE THEIR BODIES  BETTER SO IF I HAVE A CENTER THAT PROVIDES  SERVICES FOR THESE KIDS  A MONTHLY OR YEARLY  STIPEN MAY BE THE WAY TO FUND THIS THING-- ESPECIALLY OF IT COULD BE AFFORDABLE I ONE BIG DRAW BACK I SEE IN THAT IS --I WANTED THE PARENTS AND OTHERS TO BE A BIG PART OF THE CENTER AND VOLUNTEER BECAUSE THEIR KNOWLEDGE AND INPUT IS VALUABLE . PERHAPS THE ":MEMBERSHIP" WOULD INCLUDE A REQUIREMENT OF VOLUNTEER HOURS IN ORDER TO MAKE IT AFFORDABLE FOR FAMILIES??    THIS CRAP HAS BEEN MUDDLING AROUND IN MY HEAD SINCE LAST NIGHT AND I AM SO SURE WE NEED THIS TYPE OF FACILITY --- I AM TIED UP INSIDE MY HEAD HOW TO MAKE IT HAPPEN- WELL THEY DONT CALL ME RELENTLESS FOR NOTHING I WILL NOT GIVE UP  I KNOW THERE HAS TO BE A POINT WHICH I REALIZE IT IS ALL BIGGER THAN ME BUT FOR NOW I AM STILL COMMITTED TO FORGE ON  AND HIT MY HEAD AGAINST THE WALL A FEW HUNDRED MORE TIMES BEFORE I EVEN CONSIDER TO GIVING UP THE SHIP.   I GOT SO CARIED AWAY BUT I JUST HAD TO UNLOAD  .  I AM SO INCREDIBILY FRUSTRATED BECAUSE I HAVE SEEN HOW MUCH I HAVE FOUGHT FOR DAKOTA AND HOW LITTLE I ACHIEVED .  HE AND MANY OTHERS HAVE SO MUCH POTENTIAL AND THEY ARE WRITTEN OFF ,  IGNORED, DISCRIMINATED AGAINST,SHUNNED ,AND WORST OF ALL NO ONE HAS THE TIME, ENERGY OR INFORMATION TO MAKE IT EASY TO HELP THESE KIDS--- THAT WHY I WANT SO MUCH FOR THIS CENTER TO WORK