FRUSTRATION

MY INTENTION WHEN I STARTED "JOURNALING" WAS TO TRY TO KEEP A FLOW WITH CHRONOLOGICAL EVENTS OR TO SEGUE FROM TOPIC TO TOPIC

MY IMMEDIATE NEED IS TO VENT NOT ONLY FOR MY OWN SANITY BUT TO ALSO ALLOW OTHERS TO SEE THAT ITS OK IF NOT NORMAL TO EXPIERENCE THIS TYPE OF EMOTION.

IT IS AFTER 12 MIDNIGHT AND AS I WRITE THIS MY SON IS LAYING NEAR ME  IN HOPELESS DESPERATION THAT I MIGHT GO LAY DOWN WITH HIM. HERES THE CATCH-- I HAVE BEEN LAYING DOWN WITH HIM SINCE 10 PM [2 HOURS] TO NO AVAIL HE HAS DONE EVERYTHING TO PREVENT HIMSELF FROM GOING TO SLEEP INCLUDING SCRATCHING HIS HEAD, CHEWING ON HIS HANDS,AND RESTRICTING HIS BREATHING. HE HAS IT IN HIS HEAD THAT 10 O'CLOCK IS THE CUT OFF FOR ALL ACTIVITY IN MY BEDROOM  THATS RIGHT NOT HIS BEDROOM BUT MY BEDROOM. LIGHTS OFF, TV OFF, COMPLETE DARKNESS IN BED WITH ME. WHETHER HE IS TIRED OR NOT. NOW I GUESS THIS IS A CASE OF BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR BECAUSE ANY PARENT WOULD PROBABLY BE GLAD THAT THEIR CHILD HAD ADOPTED A  DECENT HOUR FOR GOING TO BED . THIS IS PROBLEMATIC BECAUSE THE CONCEPT OF SLEEPING AND GETTING REST HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH GOING TO BED AT 10. IT IS  OSESSIVE COMPULSIVE AND ROUTINE THAT BECOMES AND ISSUE OF CONTROL AND POWER NOT BENEFIT OF THE CHILD.

I HAVE TRIED TO RE-ENFORCE THE IDEA THAT YOU SLEEP WHEN YOU ARE TIRED NOT BECAUSE THE CLOCK SAYS A SPECIFIC TIME BUT SO FAR WE ARE STUCK. THE MOST FRUSTRATING THING IS KNOWING THAT THE PATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE IS USUALLY THE MOST EFFECTIVE MOST OF THE TIME HOWEVER I CANNOT HELP MYSELF FROM TRYING TO IMPOSE ALTERNATIVES TO HIS DEMANDS.I HAVE ASKED HIM TO JUST LET ME LAY WITH HIM WITH THE TV ON OR A RADIO . I HAVE OFFERED HIM SEVERAL OPTIONS AND SO FAR I HAVENT FOUND THE "MAGIC PILL" YES MOST OF YOU WOULD SAY MAKE HIM SLEEP IN HIS OWN ROOM BUT FOR MANY REASONS, AT THIS TIME, IT IS NOT A VIABLE OPTION MOSTLY BECAUSE I WANT HIM TO SLEEP SOME OF THE NIGHT AND I AM NOT WILLING TO SACRAFICE THAT RIGHT NOW.

WELL ALL I CAN SAY RIGHT NOW IS THAT  IF AND WHEN I COME UP WITH A SOLUTION THAT WORKS FOR US I WILL BE SURE TO ADD IT TO THE JOURNAL.SEE ALREADY I AM FEELING A LITTLE BETTER NOW THAT I AM GETTING THIS OFF MY CHEST.I HAVE FOUND THAT BEING ABLE TO VENT EVEN IF IT IS TO YOURSELF IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT IT HELPS!

WILL TRY TO ADD ANOTHER ENTRY TOMMORROW. MY GOAL IS TO ATTEMPT TO ADD TO THE JOURNAL EVERYDAY. HOPEFLLY I WILL ABLE TO ORGANIZE IT EVENTUALLY AND START SPEAKING TO OTHER PARENTS AND CAREGIVERS ABOUT DAILY LIVING SKILLS WITH AUTISTICS.-----------