Not sure what you would call it!

I don't write about this very much mostly because it is often misunderstood or misinterpreted...although I know that anyone who lives with this disorder experiences the same thing..
Not sure what you would call it ; but it is an accumulation of overwhelming feelings, emotions, loss of control, depression, frustration, glimmers of hope fading to desperation and any other descriptor that enters your mind when you have just had about all you think you can tolerate...

The good thing is it doesn't last forever it is merely a phase that comes and goes as the autism infiltrates you life and lives around you...you have as many glorious, indescribable,happy moments too...

It truly is a roller coaster and I am sure this is not the only disorder or disability that has this effect on the people who live through it.

The big differences I have observed is how the most minute accomplishment can send chills through your bones like no one can understand ....for instance when our kids finally say a word or learn to tie their shoes and are 8 or 10 or 20  and a typical kid it's no big deal...but when our kid throws themselves down on the floor in the store it is different than if he was a typical kid and it affects us differently...there's an embarrassment or need to explain AND "a good spanking "or "timeout"not a viable option in our world!!!

I don't know if this post will help anyone. What I will say is that sometimes just writing about it helps me release the torrid thoughts  and frustration that overwhelms me! I know those who just visit and read one or two excerpts probably won't get much from this ; hopefully someone who is struggling like me right now will read and feel like they have found someone who understands ....whatever you want to call this!