As I took Dak to see Dad yesterday it occurred to me that I often wonder how his day goes - - - That although there are times and will be more and more time when he ill not be with me, I think about if his demeanor is replicated with everyone. For the most part we all react or act differently with different people whether we are typical or challenged but with AUTISM it seems to be a little more complicated . The "social cues" or how "we" read people are much more {I hesitate to say} natural where our kids have a very unusual way to perceive ANYTHING much less the actions of a human!
Add in the element of unpredictability with Behaviors we have a "crap shoot"
I guess where I am going with all of this and why I titled it "a visitor" is my curiosity about Dakotas adaptation to the world around him particularly when I am not present.
I have for sometime been trying to "push Dak out of the nest" for a number of reasons -- mostly because I think he is ready for it. However, just when I think he can adapt to a change or new challenge that's when a behavior or unusual reaction will pop up . Then I get nervous for him, about how others will take those actions and either retreat, withdraw or give up on him. Its scary--- I know he needs to spread his wings and mainly without his mother and eventually without overwhelming support . Pushing those boundaries can sometimes end in disaster and even failure. There are days when I just have to say it is not worth it to push him when he is in TOTAL overload. On the other hand if you don't challenge him he will never learn or program himself to accept new environments and people .
Some might say don't expect that -- I understand he is disabled and he has a particular disorder that inhibits the ability to be "typically social" but I will never give up on trying to give him challenges to make him a better person and especially one that he can function in the community without too much negative reception or perception.
I draw a lot of criticism for "coddling" and for not PUTTING him in a day program-- Which to me is mostly a glorified babysitting situation but this is how I see it-- I understand that Dakota is challenged and I have no problem with the "Challenged Community " being a COMPONENT of his life BUT he needs to be as typical as possible . Is it fair that his whole life be Special Ed ?? NO --I say! This means I have to bust my butt to strive for as many normal {I hate that word} opportunities as possible and maybe a few more on top of that.
Coming full circle back to my initial thoughts about "a visitor in my house" --- I almost titled it a "Stranger in my house" Because when Dakota goes off the deep end and his behaviors go sideways --It feels like I have someone here that I don't know . Its not that I don't expect moments of craziness and unpredictability {I am far passed that] BUT when he get so intensely out of control all of the above that I wrote about flashes thru my head in a matter of seconds ---I have feelings of despair and the inability to control a situation. It like having a stranger in your home and you are not sure what will happen next.
What saves me every time is taking a deep breath, walking away, almost chanting to my self either the Serentity Prayer or "this to shall pass" AND then starting over. I have to be relentless in my pursuit to give Dakota a QualItity of Life that no one will ever be able to duplicate---My only wish is that someone somewhere will continue this effort once I am no longer capable or able to do so>
And hopefully they will never give up on the SOMETIMES "Visitor in their life"
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