Just one of those moments.

I consider myself a pretty upbeat person with a overwhelmingly optimistic view of life in general. Oh I have my issues and can be more than a bitch sometimes but considering Autism is a major player in daily living more times than not, I can accept things and be content.

Today has not been one of those days --- I found myself in the bathroom for the third time today helping Dak and it was like a flush of water flowing over my head and tears came to my eyes. I had some extra cleaning to do and the thoughts flowed to who will do this when I am no longer here? Then questioning myself if I did enough to help him help himself? Could he have had anymore "training" that would prepare him for the days beyond those with family? Then I fret over unfinished business and although I try everyday to slay that dragon it seems the more I worry about it the more difficult it is for me to do everything I want to do --In an Hour---In a Day--- In a Week  well you get the idea. 

I find myself still continuing to get him to understand simple things like picking his clothes off the floor, moving his shoes out of the middle of the room so he wont trip over them, or how to sort clothes for laundry--oh and try as I might teach him how to use the washer. As soon as that thought clears my head then I realize that he has limitations that will never be remedied and I just need to let it go-- That's not my nature

Oh don't get me wrong, I can be a great procrastinator and can be somewhat laxidazical with every day life BUT Dakota and his Autism has been the one thing that I just wont give up on. After 25 years, it has become apparent {to me} that sometimes you just have to let go . You just have to have faith that you have done your best and it is, what it is.

That doesn't stop the haunting thoughts from consuming you once in awhile  BUT you just have to get over that hump and get on with Life .It can be all encompassing. The best thing to do is make it thru the day only to wake up in the morning and start fresh with a New Day.