Rough Day -- questioning Myself

Today was just the pits----
When Dakota hurts I hurt.I know that is the lament of every parent somehow it just seems more intense when it comes to Autism. Many would say prejudice.Perhaps---

 Trying to reduce the medication has made me sensitive to any recent behavior change--add to that we had an unexpected doctors visit for a possible injury and it creates confusion and second guessing.

You can never be sure which situation may be causing a new or different behavior. When many of the parents try new meds or new therapies or vitamins/supplements EVERYONE says the same thing do one thing at a time so you can discern what is causing the change.

I feel deeply convicted to giving this reduction of medication a genuine effort. I feel I owe it to Dakota to see if he can in fact function reasonably with out meds or if another med may be better for him. The Risperidol has been actually quite successful for us. Unfortunately his puberty coincided with the start of this medication and I do believe that the long term effects MAY be to blame for a few things that Dakota is experiencing. In all fairness I have kept him on a significantly reduced dosage-- to the point of many doctors telling me that the amount he is getting is not enough to do do anything--- I DISAGREE. I can see a difference and I can see a benefit. I know it has helped Dakota. Again my concern is the length of time he has been taking the meds. 
And as a parent it is important to not become complacent when you have a child that is dealing with something like Autism--There are always new things coming out and new information, new trials, new therapies.You don't have to try all of them and you don't have to be an "Uber-Parent" just open to possibilities that change may be a good thing.

Where I am torn is; right now I am seeing escalation of behavior not anymore severe than I have seen before but behavior I haven't seen for awhile--My first reaction or mental note is Ah-HA it's the meds---Then I see him struggle in an afternoon of crying and aggressiveness and plain-ass misery, my first reaction is OK this isn't gonna work and I want to shove the meds back at him--Of course its the easy way out! OR Is It???? 

Is it really OK to let him get into a state where he is beside himself with emotion and behaviors just to avoid side effects???Then I say well perhaps this will pass as the meds leave his system---I don't know---I just don't know if there is a right answer.
I am not opposed to medications for our kids/On the other hand I say that if they can do it with out them Why Not?
This is why I am questioning myself.
When I look at my boy and I see in his eyes that he is lost and he is inside is head and the thoughts or words just can't or won't come out it tears me up.

What has come from today is a new quest to seek out some advise.To research and look for information that can help me figure this out--following my own advice--Never Give up.