The Day Came---Police

My mother was a great person raising me.She taught me all the things we need to know about being a good person and treating others with respect and dignity. To "do unto others" and all the moral things of how to treat people. Judging people has always been a pet peeve of mine and especially since I have had a child with a disability that is not obvious from first glance.

We live in a society that thinks with their eyes. We also have a society which is unyielding. Most people believe that what they are going thru is always more serious or takes precedent over others.One other thing I have discovered, is that understanding transferrence or concepts for most is virtually nonexsistant. Example; Someone who has open heart surgery or cancer or diabetes and an individual who has Autism are EQUALLY DISABLED.
When an individual with Autism has a "behavior" that is the same as someone falling into a diabetic coma.It can be managed, it can be medicated BUT it CANNOT ALWAYS BE AVOIDED.

Something went terribly wrong a day ago. We had to take Grandma for some tests. When we got to the lab {one we had been to many times before with NO INCIDENT}Things were different.Mostly the chairs had been rearranged from the previous visit but also there were a few more people than most times we had been there.

Not exactly sure what started the behavior-- I have several guesses but irregardless Dakota grabbed his Grandmother.Immediately I sprung out of my chair to disengage this "behavior". But I knew we were in for a rough ride. My thought was to get him out of the building as fast as I could. Of course the more I insisted the worst it became This is where that judgement kicks in. There was an older man with his wife who was protective of and I give no argument for his concern. She was sick. I could tell that this guy was "old school"{I was trying not to judge him and give him the benefit of the doubt to understand my situation} He was not having any of what Dakota was putting down.I tried to assure him I had it under control and we manuevered away from him ,his wife and others. {when Dakota was little I would just throw him over my shoulder and haul him out like a sack of potatoes.}

Of course this was a behavior that was not going away easily. It escalated to filthy words, shouting and some physical agression towards me--since I was trying to quash the whole thing.Something snapped with me and I knew I had to get him out of the lab. Mostly because this old man had a look like he would just as soon shoot Dak than to understand him--so it was time to go. Actually at that point I was in auto-mode.I do not know how I got him out but I physically escorted him out and got him to the car.

He refused to get in the car at first and I insisted that he was not going anywhere but in the car. He shouted and called me a few choice names and let the F-BOMB fly at the top of his lungs. He grabbed ahold of my neck and rocked me back and forth, bounced his head on my head and attempted to threaten to bite me. {which  knew he was not going to succeed as I had "moves" to avoid that}I was able to finally convince "the behavior" that There was no place to go but in the car.At least I felt like it was somewhat contained {in the car} at that point.This type of behavior does seem to come in waves; it is always turbulant but there are "rogue waves" that are far more intense than the rest.

At some point in the car it escalated again and he grabbed my arm, then my hair and before I thought it through I grabbed a bottle of water and splashed it on him. WELL  "MY BAD". I might as well have thrown lighter fluid on a match. He really flipped out and tried to get out of the car. First I tried to "hold him at bay" but decided that I had to let him go. I contemplated allowing him to roam the parking lot to release the frustration. It was a busy parking lot and I was concerned for his safety. In hind sight I think now letting him blow off steam and walking around the parking lot MAY HAVE defused the behavior sooner but I will never know now. By the time Dakota got out of the car I was able to get around and corral him between the car door and the seat of the car, He was so mad at me and he was continuing to yell and at one point even begged me to slap him repeatedly.I could not do that.

You see although he is a full grown man his agressiveness really has NO INTENT behind it. He can growl and be physically threatening but his ability to truly hurt would be purely accidental. My bigger fear is that I dont keep my wits about myself and react as most "typical" people would. Lash out and really hurt him. All it would take would be an elbow or a punch and he could be really hurt.I just could not do it.Nor could I slap him at his request.

I believe that when he is at that point of the behavior he knows that he has absolutely no control over the static or disconnect in his head. He believes that the physical pain will release the endorfins or seratonin which makes him feel better. Many of the most severe Autistics have self injurious behavior such as rocking or head banging to release these self made chemicals which theoretically soothe the brain.

So back to the parking lot: By this time what seemed like years had gone by but I am sure it probably was about 20 minutes total; since the start inside had past--a few people asked me if I needed help and I kindly told them
"No Thank You that Dakota was Autistic" and I had it under control, this was all over Dakota's distress and yelling. I just had to allow it to blow over. Even though it appeared to typical people, "judging " with their eyes,Thought differently.

Finally the fit was coming to a conclusion and I was able to convince him to get into the car again. He sat down, strapped himself in the seat and was ready to go for a ride till Grandma was done.{I know I have said this before but these behaviors present themselves like seizures--as fast as they come---they go.}I start the car and as I am backing out I notice a motorcycle Policeman coming up the isle right behind me.I exit out to the street and before you know it I have the red and blue lights on me and I am being pulled over. Thats right just as if I had committed a crime.

I understand that someone felt like perhaps I needed assistance. For the most part the Police were very respectful and accommodating but again someone somewhere made a judgement that Dakota was hurting me.I realize there was shouting and physicality and from an onlooker perhaps they thought they were doing a good deed. The police ask me if I was just at the Lab and what was happening. They were there to help but I still felt like it was unnecessary. They asked if I was OK and if there was anything else that I needed or they could assist me with. Again they were extremely kind and I appreciated their ability to not come on with the "cop attitude". In fact I called the station afterwards and commended the officers. 
BUT really folks it took 1 motorcucle policeman and 2 patrol cars with 2 men in each of them to respond to a relatively benign situation.

It was a pretty hairy behavior but it passed as they all do. I am more sorry for Dakota and what his head must go through when something like that happens. ONE THING I KNOW FOR SURE is he CANNOT help himself at that point.

Finally if more people would stop judging with their eyes and really consdering others and their situations, we would all be better off. In particular a disability is a disability is a disability. If some has cancer you do not love them any less, if some one has a heart problem you do not love tham any less,If someone has Autism YOU DO NOT LOVE THEM ANY LESS!       


this was our first encounter with the poice and I certainlu hope our last.I have such a great fear that they will try to find a reason to take Dakota, That day will never come as long as I have a breathe left in my body!