Bad Start to the Day

I HAVE MANY CHALLENGES AT HOME EVERY DAY BUT I ALSO HAVE 2 FRIENDS RIGHT THIS MOMENT --Both of THEM Fighting SUCH DEVASTING FIGHTS THAT MY PROBLEMS SEEM TO SMALL

I WILL ADMIT THEY DONT FEEL SMALL TO ME BUT WHEN I REFLECT ON OTHERS I GUESS I HAVE TO THANK MY LUCKY STARS THEY ARE WHAT THEY ARE!

LAST TUESDAY DAKOTA WAS IN THE BEDROOM HAVING A HUGE ATTITUDE BEHAVIOR GROWLING AND YELLING AT ME OVER GETTING READY FOR SCHOOL-- -- ITS A COMPLICATED STORY BUT IN A NUTSHELL GRANDMA BROKE HIS JUICE GLASS SEVERAL MONTHS AGO AND SINCE HE HAS REFUSED TO DRINK ANY JUICE--{not the right glass not going to drink juice!} SO I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO FIND A REPLACEMENT-- MY NEIGHBORS HAVE BEEN TRYING TO FIND A REPLACEMENT-- THE TEACHER HAS BEEN LOOKING FOR A REPLACEMENT. ITS AN OCD THING WHERE HE HAS ONLY ONE GLASS FOR JUICE , ONE FOR WATER, ONE FOR TEA AND HE ABSOLUTELY REFUSES TO DRINK OUT OF ANY OTHER GLASSES ---

NEEDLESS-TO-SAY IT IS INCREDABLY FRUSTRATING BECAUSE IT BECOMES A HEALTH THING TO HYDRATE HIM-- HE WONT DRINK OUT OF ANYTHING ELSE AND I DO MEAN ANYTHING ELSE!

ANYWAY THE GLASS WAS AN OLD LIBBY GLASS WITH THE GREEN LEAVES AND ORANGES ON IT FROM HIS DADS MOTHERS HOUSE--- SO I HAVE BEEN SEARCHING ALL THE ANTIQUES STORES SINCE LIBBY NO LONGER HAS A DISTRIBUTION CENTER OPERATING AND I HAVE BOUGHT AND TRIED PROBABLY 7 TO 10 DIFFERENT SIMILAR GLASSES--NO GO

SO THIS MORNING I HAD THE CLOSEST MATCH YET-- THE PEOPLE AT THE ANTIQUE STORE FELT SO BAD FOR ME THEY FOUND SOME SIMILAR GLASSES SOMEWHERE ELSE AND BROUGHT THEM TO THEIR STORE. THEN CALLED ME AND GAVE ME THE GLASSES --NO CHARGE

THIS MORNING I PUT JUICE IN IT AND SET IT ON THE TABLE WITHOUT ANY DISCUSSION OR WORDS-- HE SAT DOWN FOR 30 SECONDS AND JUMPED UP AND STARTED SHOUTING I AM DONE -- I AM NOT HUNGRY--

AND THE RIFF--ENSUED-- EVENTUALLY I TOOK THE BREAKFAST AND HOT TEA INTO THE BEDROOM TO ENCOURAGE HIM {mainly because of his meds}TO EAT WITHOUT THE ORANGE JUICE AND HE STILL INSISTED HE WASNT HUNGRY AND STARTED GROWLING AND PUFFING UP LIKE A ROOSTER.

FINALLY I PICKED UP AND LEFT-- ITS JUST NOT WORTH IT. THE DAY WAS PRETTY MUCH A WASH AND I DECIDED TO DROP EVERYTHING AND LET "MOUNT VESUVIUS" REST. EVEN SCHOOL WAS PUT ON HOLD-- I WILL NOT HAVE A START TO A DAY LIKE THAT AND THEN TAKE HIM TO SCHOOL EXPECTING THAT EVERY THING WILL BE ALRIGHT;ONLY TO GET CALLED A COUPLE OF HOURS LATER AND FIND OUT HE HAS HAD A TOTAL MELTDOWN. THE MIND THOUGHT IS I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO DISCERN WHETHER THE BEHAVIOR AT SCHOOL WAS FROM SOMETHING THERE OR WAS PRECIPITATED FROM THE BLOW OUT THIS MORNING AT HOME.

DAKOTA FIF FINALLY EMERGED FROM THE BEDROOM HAVING DRANK SOME TEA AND NIBBLED ON A SMALL PIECE OF PUMPKIN PIE AND BROUGHT HIS SHOES TO ME WHICH IS USUALLY HIS WAY OF COMMUNICATING HIS READINESS TO LEAVE. I WAS IN NO HURRY TO SEND HIM OFF TO FAILURE BUT I COULD FEEL THAT THINGS HAD "RIGHTED " THEMSELVES AND WE WERE ON TRACK AGAIN--HE FINISHED THE REST OF SCHOOL WITHOUT INCIDENT AND IN FACT HAD A GREAT DAY --SO THE END RESULT TURNED OUT GREAT.

I KNOW AS A PARENT OF TYPICAL KIDS YOU TRY TO COMMAND RESPECT AND TEACH OR SET AN EXAMPLE BUT WHEN YOU HAVE AUTISM IN THE MIX YOU LEARN THAT SOMETIMES ITS JUST NOT WORTH IT --- ITS SO HARD BECAUSE YOU STRUGGLE WITH WHETHER YOU ARE A GOOD PARENT BY LETTING THIS GO AND THERE ARE NO RIGHT ANSWERS!

MOST WHO HAVE TYPICAL KIDS OR DONT HAVE KIDS ARE QUICK TO JUDGE YOU AND YOUR STRATEGIES-- AND YOU GET A HUGE AMOUNT OF PRESSURE FROM SCHOOL AND THE STAFF WITH THEIR OPINIONS OR JUDGEMENTS

YOU HAVE TO BE STRONG JUST TO STAND FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE AND IT IS SOOOOOOOOOO SOOOOOOOOOOOO HARD---YOU SECOND GUESS YOURSELF CONSTANTLY JUST "GO WITH YOUR GUT" AND DONT LET ANYONE CONVINCE YOU OTHERWISE.

The Repairman

After returning from our summer frolic I had lots of catching up to do including launbdry produced by the vacation Of course the very first load of laundry my washer decide to quit--- So I located a repuatble guy to fix the washer and made arrangements for him to come.

The doorbell rings and Dakota is not "presentable" so I explain to him that he cannot answer the door or be around the repairman if he doesnt get dressed appropriately. I leave the bedroom and let the man in and take him to my washer. All of a sudden the garage door opens and its Dakota and HES DRESSED and he has a big smile on his face! He was pulling on the waistband of the pants and so proud that he independently dressed himself! What a special moment-- He has always had some ability to HELP with his dressing but for him to intiate this social action by himself was amazing I WAS SO PROUD! I think the repairman thought I was off my rocker!

When the repairman left -Dakota and I started to go back into the bedroom and I found another surprize! Not only had Dakota seeked out a pair of pants and put them on by himself but he actually had tried another pair of pants but had trouble putting them on due to the zipper and they had gotten turned inside out somehow so he left them in a ball on the floor. I was more than happy to pick them up since we just had such a huge milestone!

This one is definitely what this journal is all about- - -celebrating the successes as well as documenting the challenges!

Birthday Bash

Early September found us smack dab in the middle of Las Vegas for a Birthday celebration-- Hard to believe that it was Dakotas 21st birthday!

When I think about the day Dakota was born and the many days before in labor {4 to be precise}and the horrible weeks {3} to follow in the NICU its hard to believe how far we have come!Although I admit everyday is still a challenge in many ways -- I can honestly look back at the begining and at least recognize all the accomplishments too. I have always been more of an optomistic person and prefer to look at the glass as half full than to ponder on all the things that went wrong or did not happen.

So this was a celebration of joy and happiness. A celebration to give Dakota an experience that any ":typical" 21 year old would want. Now I do admit we didnt do the strip club or the alcoholic beverage but we took in some of the best parts of Las Vegas. His Dad was also able to come and stay for a couple of days which enhanced the vacation for him.

We saw "the Beatles "LOVE" Cirque Du Soliel" which was fabulous -- I want to go back and see it again.  We also saw John O Hurley in "Spamalot" which I think Dakota loved because he loves John O Hurley!It was a great combination. Of course we had some great dining and what would Vegas be with out gambling.

Oh the week didnt go by without challenges but the experiance as a whole far outweighed the behaviors. His dad walked him all over the strip so he got to see many casinos and together we took him downtown to see the new overhead canopy and to get one of the "world famous" shrimp cocktails at the Golden Gate Casino for 99cents!he actually worked a slot machine at the Gloden Nugget and built up almost 90 dollars but instead of cashing out he insisted on playing till he was busted!!! I GUESS THATS JUST LIKE MOST OF US!

Rather than recount the challenges I will say that although I thought Vegas would be more difficult than it was and i was really glad that I choose to try this. The noise and the lights and the crowds were definite distractions even potential triggers for behaviors BUT we made it through . Perhaps better than I expected.That was a present to me.

It been Disneyland for years for Dakotas birthday but for once we tried the "adult " Disneyland and just maybe we will have an alternate destination in the years to come!HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAKOTA - - - - - - I LOVE YOU!