Cognitive ability...receptive and expressive language

Cognition in our children is often hard to measure or even detect...teachers,therapist and professionals will over and over again discourage you from having any hope that your children will communicate mush less UNDERSTAND...

In my Humble Opinion I say BS....perhaps that is because of my optimistic attitude but moreso because in our case with my son I KNOW...he understands. I also know that he cannot express his understanding a large part of the time. Additionally I would say that many times those who are  around him often times just don't pay enough attention to what he does say to realize in his own way he is trying to have conversation.other times he tries to start conversation but people do not know how to engage with him....

I have witnessed so many situations where Dakota will be standing with a group of kids and they are all jabbering about a subject and Dakota will interject a statement that to the others they don't make the connection BUT I do...if they are talking about the month of April and he will say April 27 is on a Sunday this year.....trying to enter the conversation....I know that the 27 is when he experienced a traumatic event years ago so whenever he hears some one talk about April that is his way of working into the conversation . Now I know I cannot expect others and especially kids in his "circle" to totally get him, however it's been my experience that even the "professionals who are trained to work with Autistic individuals "are just as guilty and unprepared to engage Dakota either...

This is not a bitch session about others not recognizing the need to accommodate Dakota in conversation but more about people in general to take a minute , to stop and wonder why he said what he said or more importantly why he said it...So much of Dakotas language is extremely subtle.....so much of his life is decided for him but I really want him to be able to EXPRESS his needs wants and desires..if everyone shuts him down is it any wonder that he just gives up and won't talk??? 

Mirrored Behavior

As I have written before ; Autism is such an individual disability or ability (which ever way you wish to think about it) ..Each family will grow and learn that their individual will be unique in their needs and behaviors..yet somehow they are diagnosed under the PDD-NOS umbrella (Pervasive Development Disorder- and I cannot recall the second part specifically but it is something like Nonspecific Origin.....forgot what the "S" stands for!!!!haha) 

Of course as your child grows and the years move on you learn all the different little nuances of Autism and how it effects your child ..kinda like on the job training....somethings are obvious and others are more difficult or perceive, diagnose and most importantly do your best to eliminate..GOOD LUCK WITH THAT!!!( another saying in the Autism community is "be careful what you wish for; because every behavior you wish away will return with a replacement behavior ....which can potentially be worse than the one you wished away on the first place!!!!")

The one I am writing about today is Mirrored. Behavior..I do not know if that is the formal monicker??but it's what I call it!!!

We all have certain Personalities and behaviors in the "typical" world and it is extremely hard for us to alter our habits. can you imagine what it might be like for one of our kids who don't have a "Switch"  to turn off a behavior ????????

I try my best to do everything I can to model "appropriate " actions and reactions so that Dakota has an example or at least an idea of how people are supposed to act..believe me I am certainly not perfect and I struggle every day but I try...and I fail daily ..Dakota reminds me of that...With Mirrored behavior...something as minute as a reaction to another driver doing something stupid and I get lil road rage...I Can see him tighten up, and even holler himself sometimes ....

These kids are sponges. It's is incredibly critical we do all we can to give them the ability to see how we are SUPPOSE to act, react or behave. It is also another reason why all of us are so passionate about inclusion at school and positive typical peer models...They do not have the "social" chip..they are NOT  programmed like we are!

All of that being said something I struggle with is checking my own anger and negative reactions to daily living..I cannot tell you how many times I have become angry at something ai hear on the radio or TV and I will make a stupid remark ..turn around and see it duplicate itself almost immediately in Dakota...with the exception that it is 100 times  more intense and it does not go away as quickly ...

This has made me alter my behavior and "thinking"...I certainly have not succeeded ; I am a work I progress. What it does is make me rethink almost all of my actions and reactions before displaying them...AND ITS HARD. To see your child react to you getting angry and he yells and screams and groans and even gets physical it. It only breaks your heart and you want to spare him those emotions BUT it makes you check you own behavior at the door....It is like looking in a mirror and seeinghow destructive   the whole situation is.....firstly I am hurting my child but lastly it is behavior unbecoming of any human being and it needs to stop....

Mirrored behavior has done a lot for me ...... I more fully understand how my kid "ticks" and what "triggers" him but it gives me a perspective of my behavior and how I need to stop and think before acting or reacting ...something that all of us are SOMETIMES guilty of NOT DOING!

We need a kinder gentler society and one that think before acting.....my son does that for me every day....I don't always succeed at being a lamb or perfect, I am a work in progress, as we all are BUT many times when I act like an ass, my son is a perfect reminder that I need to check myself,remember that he is effected by my actions ....and try to set a better example....

Mirrored Behavior can be a curse.The benefit to me is learning to change my behavior which hopefully makes me a better person and give my son a better environment to live !