When you first start this journey there is so much information flying past you it is a miracle that you remember or retain any of it! Certain things seem to stick and I have come to the conclusion that it is because those things either make sense or seem to apply somewhere !
One of these little gems was the documentation about inanimate objects and how our kids don't seem to bond or derive any pleasure from the "typical" toys or stuffed animals; that they nstead prefer to attach themselves to "things" like jars or cans or brushes or any other item you can think of that would not necessarily be of any interest to a child--- Nothing colorful or frilly; soft or cuddly nothing that has an identity like an animal but just STUFF.
Even now at 24 I find this incredibily fascinating--
And just yesterday I walked back into the bedroom only to find an array of objects spread around the bed.
A plastic Banana Hair clip; a bottle of Moouse; a little box of floss; a comb;a spray bottle of febreeze; a dispenser for tape and some stick deodorant!
You cant help but have a little chuckle when you know these are unrelated other than they can all be found in the same general location.
An extension to this is that the items get transported from room to room.I cannot tell you how many times I have walked into the kitchen and I will see a toothbrush or I walk into the bathroom and a spatula has found it's way there!
Its really not a big deal; its just a part of Autism and I have to say there are so many other issues it is actually a part of this disorder that can be entertaining. Don't want anyone to think I am making fun but when you realize that this is a forever situation it is so important to take every opportunity to find the silver lining whenever possible!
Monday, March 21, 2011
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Emotions and Crying
This is such a tough subject for me---
Primarily because it has such a "double edge".
On one hand you live for the moments your child actually experiences typical behavior and feelings;
On the other it tears your heart out to see them sad or confused or even elevated with aggression because their brain does have the capability to decipher whats "normal" and whats not!
I REALLY HATE USING THE WORDS TYPICAL OR NORMAL OR REGULAR . Sometimes it is the only way to describe what I know as a person who does not have Autism and what I see and experience as a mother of a child who has lived with Autism for over 20 years.
Recently Dakota seems to have heightened emotions which are manifesting in crying many times. He has had some new awakenings about many feelings and emotions, not just sad ones, but those are the ones that are most difficult to deal with . When he puckers up and becomes distraught it is a helpless feeling because he is unable to reason WHY he is feeling sad. The natural progression of an interaction would be to show compassion and/or empathy and to try to comfort Dakota. The difficult part is that he cannot express what is triggering his sadness and tears.
Then I arrive at a place where the more I press him sometimes causes the emotions to escalate yet if I ignore them I often feel like I have missed an opportunity to crack open another little part of "normalcy".
The hardest part of all is that this has spilled over into other situations outside of home . That makes it even harder because others are really baffled how to handle it.There does seems to be some predictability to it, as small as it seems, the crying almost always follows the end to something-- whether it be a movie or a goodbye to a person or even leaving one place to go to another. I know that in someways that seems obvious but in other ways it almost seems too simple.
No one ever has said that Autism is simple . I do know that sometimes the most simple solutions are the best for our kids. Being practical and utilizing your "gut" feeling is almost always the best way to handle any situation .
For now this is one of the most pressing issues or at least tone of the most predominant- I know we have been going through many stages with various behaviors and I am sure there will be more as the years roll by . The one assurance I have is that with every day and every issues I learn a little more about my guy and it makes me a better parent to help him through this world!
Primarily because it has such a "double edge".
On one hand you live for the moments your child actually experiences typical behavior and feelings;
On the other it tears your heart out to see them sad or confused or even elevated with aggression because their brain does have the capability to decipher whats "normal" and whats not!
I REALLY HATE USING THE WORDS TYPICAL OR NORMAL OR REGULAR . Sometimes it is the only way to describe what I know as a person who does not have Autism and what I see and experience as a mother of a child who has lived with Autism for over 20 years.
Recently Dakota seems to have heightened emotions which are manifesting in crying many times. He has had some new awakenings about many feelings and emotions, not just sad ones, but those are the ones that are most difficult to deal with . When he puckers up and becomes distraught it is a helpless feeling because he is unable to reason WHY he is feeling sad. The natural progression of an interaction would be to show compassion and/or empathy and to try to comfort Dakota. The difficult part is that he cannot express what is triggering his sadness and tears.
Then I arrive at a place where the more I press him sometimes causes the emotions to escalate yet if I ignore them I often feel like I have missed an opportunity to crack open another little part of "normalcy".
The hardest part of all is that this has spilled over into other situations outside of home . That makes it even harder because others are really baffled how to handle it.There does seems to be some predictability to it, as small as it seems, the crying almost always follows the end to something-- whether it be a movie or a goodbye to a person or even leaving one place to go to another. I know that in someways that seems obvious but in other ways it almost seems too simple.
No one ever has said that Autism is simple . I do know that sometimes the most simple solutions are the best for our kids. Being practical and utilizing your "gut" feeling is almost always the best way to handle any situation .
For now this is one of the most pressing issues or at least tone of the most predominant- I know we have been going through many stages with various behaviors and I am sure there will be more as the years roll by . The one assurance I have is that with every day and every issues I learn a little more about my guy and it makes me a better parent to help him through this world!
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Best Friends????
When I first started this journey over 20 years ago Autism was still somewhat of a mystery. There were still many opinions about its origins and how or what to do to help those who have this crappy disorder---
It is quite disheartening as you see a fairly "typical" child from appearance, yet know and witness time after time the most screwy and unpredictable behavior that also chooses the most inconvenient times to rear its ugly head.
You read, attend support groups, search out professionals and parents or caregivers and educate yourself every way possible to help your child de-code the world.
There were many accounts of sad and unpleasant writings about frigid mother syndrome, frontal lobotomies, and permanent placement in State hospitals. As the years developed more understanding which was coupled with growing numbers of diagnosis' more professionals were starting to study and publish more promising and helpful information. Which leads in to the title of this passage "Best Friends" ;
Very early on one observation that didn't seem to have much relevance but kept reoccurring was that Autistic kids found peace and solace with things like the computer or television because they were constant and consistent; they didn't talk back and they always gave the same answer or information with the lack of emotion or personal interaction. I filed this in the back of my head and used it as I could while Dakota was in school but it was not till a week or so I had what I call a "Should have had a V-8" moment-- kinda like an ephiphamy.
I have had a lot of difficulty getting Dakota out and away from the TV and I have felt very guilty about it until now. I know he needs variety and he needs physical activity and he needs to do something else but sit and live by the schedule of the TV. As a concerned mother I embrace that theory. I also embrace the fact that this is not a typical kid and most typical kids don't want to interactt with Dakota. Those that do only do it in a limited matter and he is not one to inititate. He has feelings and longs to have what every body wants which is friends but how do you do that?? You do everything you can to get out and get exposure and involvement BUT he has the right to his own preferences.
His TV "buddies" have become his Best Friends. The shows that have Drew Carey, Wayne Brady, Steve Harvey, John O'Hurley or even Harvey Levin just to name a few those are Dakotas Best Friends.that's why Dakota gets so distraught when he has to give up is shows-- its like leaving his friends.
It may not seem normal but what is normal with Autism. I think it like anything else you have to pick your battles and you have to filter out what other might think or say and DO WHATS RIGHT FOR YOUR KID!If your kid has to struggle thru every hour or everyday with a stupid disability that buzzes in his head isn't it only fair to let him have the "buddies he wants and let him decided who he wants for "Best Friends"?-------
It is quite disheartening as you see a fairly "typical" child from appearance, yet know and witness time after time the most screwy and unpredictable behavior that also chooses the most inconvenient times to rear its ugly head.
You read, attend support groups, search out professionals and parents or caregivers and educate yourself every way possible to help your child de-code the world.
There were many accounts of sad and unpleasant writings about frigid mother syndrome, frontal lobotomies, and permanent placement in State hospitals. As the years developed more understanding which was coupled with growing numbers of diagnosis' more professionals were starting to study and publish more promising and helpful information. Which leads in to the title of this passage "Best Friends" ;
Very early on one observation that didn't seem to have much relevance but kept reoccurring was that Autistic kids found peace and solace with things like the computer or television because they were constant and consistent; they didn't talk back and they always gave the same answer or information with the lack of emotion or personal interaction. I filed this in the back of my head and used it as I could while Dakota was in school but it was not till a week or so I had what I call a "Should have had a V-8" moment-- kinda like an ephiphamy.
I have had a lot of difficulty getting Dakota out and away from the TV and I have felt very guilty about it until now. I know he needs variety and he needs physical activity and he needs to do something else but sit and live by the schedule of the TV. As a concerned mother I embrace that theory. I also embrace the fact that this is not a typical kid and most typical kids don't want to interactt with Dakota. Those that do only do it in a limited matter and he is not one to inititate. He has feelings and longs to have what every body wants which is friends but how do you do that?? You do everything you can to get out and get exposure and involvement BUT he has the right to his own preferences.
His TV "buddies" have become his Best Friends. The shows that have Drew Carey, Wayne Brady, Steve Harvey, John O'Hurley or even Harvey Levin just to name a few those are Dakotas Best Friends.that's why Dakota gets so distraught when he has to give up is shows-- its like leaving his friends.
It may not seem normal but what is normal with Autism. I think it like anything else you have to pick your battles and you have to filter out what other might think or say and DO WHATS RIGHT FOR YOUR KID!If your kid has to struggle thru every hour or everyday with a stupid disability that buzzes in his head isn't it only fair to let him have the "buddies he wants and let him decided who he wants for "Best Friends"?-------
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