Disneyland for Birthday Boy!-

September always seems to be a busy month for us as we have the most important occasion of the year-- Dakotas Birthday. Very rarely he will acquiesce to an alternate location but about 85 percent of the time he wants one thing-- To stay at the Disneyland Hotel and go to Goofy's Kitchen for his birthday! So this becomes the family vacation of the year. We actually get a suite with an view of the park and Downtown Disney and just hanging around the hotel is part of the fun.

As a single Mom it is a rather big undertaking but I feel that Dakota has gone thru so much in his life that it is the least I can do for him. We were lucky enough to have 14 guests to celebrate Dakotas Birthday at Goofy's Kitchen.

The week was filled with mostly great moments but as you can imagine Autism always seems to make sure you don't forget its is lurking around. And with a celebration like this of course the anxiety just doesn't go away.

On Dakota's birthday we headed to the park so we could take advantage of the Disney offer to get in free. When you have an annual pass Disney was providing gift cards as an alternative but you had to go to the Main Gate. As we approached the Monorail station by the Rain Forrest Cafe Dakota wanted to board --- trying to avoid any problem I explained that we had to go to the Main Gate but before I finished THE BEHAVIOR REARED ITS UGLY HEAD. All he knew was that he almost always gets on the monorail and he wasn't being allowed to follow his "routine"-- His head went into "static mode". He grabbed me around the neck and called me a bitch. I went limp which usually defuses the situation in a few minutes. One of the ladies approached asking me if I was OK and I simply said "Yes I had it under control". I am quite sure she didn't believe me as security showed up momentarily. For an observers perspective I am sure they saw a grown man head locking a woman and had the reaction most would have-- But I really did have it.
As the security man approached this sorta egged Dakota on to continue the behavior--- I told security that he was Autistic and I was OK. Dakota was aggravated by the exchange I was having with the man so he clamped down a little more -- I directed him to ease up and let go but he was in "auto-mode" and COULD NOT control his actions at that point so I reared up and chest bumped him into the bushes that were near by mostly for the others who seem to doubt my ability to "handle" him. Dakota drew back and seemed to sorta come around. I said look let's just go back to the room-- I knew that I could try otherwise but the circumstances were leaning towards giving him the "out" rather than pressure him to reign in the behavior and continue on to the park.{Often time our kids have the ability to "re-set" and continue on but it has been my experience that our kids have a self awareness of the situation and if you have the option it has always been beneficial to offer the "out" to try another time--And particularly in this situation where we have plenty of time to go to the park again and the option of a hotel room extremely close}{ also I have noticed that even when the kids do continue on, there is a much higher incidence of re-occurrence with the behavior. It seems like they are like a pot of boiling water even after you turn off the heat and pour the cup of hot water when you put the kettle back on the burner it will boil up again from residual heat-- much the same way a behavior re-occurs}

By this time Dakota was distressed I could see it in his eyes -- of course there were many on-lookers and I am sure they were judging BUT I DO NOT CARE I am so far beyond worrying about what others think or what appearances are -- I could give a damn-- They are the ones who need to pull their heads out of their asses and realize that life is just not an Ozzie and Harriet World . Every single one of us has some kind of challenge from a disability to and addiction to an appearance issue or some other kind of hang up. So My concern was getting Dakota into a safe environment where he could de-compress--- BUT before we exited Downtown Disney the f-bomb flew and flew many times -- inside I was kinds giggling to myself but outside I was trying to reel him in because I just didn't want some "YAHOO" coming after him for his out burst. We made it back to the room and by that time I could tell he was coming around but he was still touchy.His pop who was visiting laid into him which in my humble opinion was more of a reaction of embarrassment on his pops part but I cannot judge nor tell him{pop} how to feel or react as we are no longer together. Dakota broke down and started to cry --which is rare but within an hour or so things settled and the rest of the day went well---

You know the lesson here is you just cannot allow the public to dictate the way you handle your situation. Many always have opinions on how your child should be disciplined or handled and they are not the experts on your kids--YOU ARE . I guess after 23 years I have grown a very thick skin-- sure I want my guy to fit in and to be able to be in the "typical community" but by the same token we all need to exercise more temperance towards others. We need to live the same towards others. Don't Judge me and I wont judge you!

Yes Dakota needed some constructive guidance but I still have to remember that his behavior is not driven by a knowledge of what he is doing-- It is SIMPLY THE DISABILITY and the sooner your embrace that and practice it, the sooner life will be easier for both of you. The behavior is not done with INTENT. IT IS SIMPLY THE DISABILITY just like if he had cancer or a limb missing or diabetes or anything else you can imagine. Autism is the miss-firing of the neurons in the brain-which triggers behavior-- just because behavior is a social thing most every one think is can be controlled --WELL IT CAN'T FOR THOSE WITH AUTISM!

Barring that particular incident the stay at Disneyland was pretty wonderful-- we had some challenges like finding the hamburger or pizza he wanted but for the most part it was a great time. And for the first time Dakota was able to have a friend stay over one night during our stay and go to the park -- so we made progress!

Every day is an adventure for most every one but when you can mark progress with Autism then you have got something to celebrate!
Thank You Disneyland and Disneyland Hotel for a wonderful stay!

My how Time Flies!

Again a month has gone by and no posting---SORRY
This past month has been busy so please bear with me as I get back on track---