"The Transporter"

Well I have certainly posted enuf "bitching and frustration " so I guess its time to move on for now---

My son has become "the Transporter" Its is the funniest thing. Dakota was never a child that crawled into cupboards or dig into closets. He was not a climber or a seeker. He never bothered things on a coffee table or explored the kitchen. As he has gotten older he has become unusually insistent on having something--ANYTHING in his hands at all times!

The item of choice seems to be a tube of any substance hair gel toothpaste shampoo. Or the other preferred item is a plastic bottle of any thing that shakes--- Again shampoo, bath gel ,mouth wash anything that shakes and makes noise and bubbles--Often times I find him with several items in his hands--which can include perhaps a comb ,a writing pen and toothpaste in one hand and a bottle of body wash in the other-- Its quite comical and intriguing to me the combination of items.

What I have notices with this obsession is that things move all over the house-- we have on room that has a variety of strange items in it and one day you walk out to the kitchen and there's a small candle sitting on the counter. Or you go into the bathroom and find a coca-cola bottle--?????

The biggest obstacle is that sometimes when you go to use something that was always in the same place is gone ---The first words out of my mouth are Oh "The Transporter has struck again!"

 

Fathers Day Weekend

I have intended to post about my stressful Fathers Day weekend and just kept putting other things in front of it and now the details are a bit foggy for me----Most who know me; know that I am really not one to hold grudges. I get mad or upset but I am usually pretty easy to let something go. I have just found that practice to be beneficial for my well being and bluntly put I have to consider the others I live with before myself. I don't expect anyone to give me a silver star or commend me for being selfless it is more self-preservation!

I also attribute my foggy memory to progressing age. More "senior " moments seem to occur more frequently although I refuse to accept that condition lightly. "I feel 18 as long as I don't look in the mirror" HA HA

All that aside this past month has been pretty overwhelming and there were moments when I really thought I was at the "brink " Fathers Day Weekend was one of them.

Essentially what happened was that Dakota had an altercation with his Dad the week before and he was anxious and upset about going to see his Dad -- On top of it he and his grandmother had several "run-ins" over the past week or two and LIFE was just HELL all the way around. I could not control his environment and every where I looked things were falling down around me so I BAILED.

I am not one to do this but I felt like Dakota and myself needed to de-fuse . I simply took a detour to a hotel and camped out for the night! Things were not right at home and going to POPs was not an option so we honkered down at the hotel. We went out and dinner picked up a couple of snacks for the evening went back to the room crawled in bed and rented a movie! We slept in till it was time to check out and then made out way back to the house.

Of course I had managed to get on grandmas "shit-list" but I really didn't care --It was what Dakota and I needed to get somesanity back into our lives and I actually think it made a fresh start for us cuz since then it seems to be a bit more manageable--I am sure that will fade but for the moment just that one little thing made a world of good.

Only A Mother's Perception ????????

I don't want this to sound snobbish or narrow minded but sometimes it seems like I am the only one who truly understands my son. I know anyone who has read the past few entries about Dakota and his "antics" with grandna probablyy got a good belly laugh . I even have a very close friend who wrote me and told me that she, too had a similar experience with her children and when she read my of my fiasco she could not help laughing out loud. Getting back to my point that many can relate to circumstances but when it comes to applying "learned" strategies of coping with "Attention Seeking Behavior" all bets are off when you are in the "heat of an episode" {as my mother would call it}

It becomes a real talent to stop and re-group when you are between an autistic individual and a senior citizen squaring off for a "showdown"-- The big problem is I have actually learned how to control Dakotas environment {too and extent} in order to defuse most behaviors and situations BUT the real challenge is my mom - the senior.

Grandma has spent the last 20 years in very close proximity to Dakota. She has attended every meeting know to man and has graciously been here { I take great liberty with this statement} working with me to give Dakota the best that he deserves. She knows about what "sets him off and how to handle most situations but occasionally when the "shit hits the fan" all bets are off . And it does seem like as she gets older it is more often.

I have to qualify this behavior does not only apply to her but to his Dad and even sometimes me! Lets not forget all the "professionals" -- I have seen even they : in their finest hour-- can loose their cool and/or concentration and mis handle Dakota. I know this is not the only household and it is not exclusive to Autism and the families who walk this journey.It just seems more intense , more prominent because of the disability components-- I look at Dakotas life as a learning experience for me and every day I can put another "tool" in my tool belt so when the day comes I have the means to interrupt and re-direct the behavior to avoid the next major tsunami. BUT for some reason others just don't seem to have the same ability to STOP; TAKE A DEEP BREATH; THINK A MINUTE AND THEN EITHER ACT OR IGNORE.

I actually started this excerpt to tell about my wild weekend {Fathers Day}{which I will do}to more of a commentary on how to hopefully avoid or address behaviors How people with their greatest intentions and love for an autistic individual can totally undermine a situation if they don't continuously remind themselves what works for each individual---For example when Dakota does something stupid like pour goop on grandmas head the less you react and the more you ignore the faster you will defuse the situation and he will return to us in afew minutes when the "static has calmed in his brain".But the natural reaction of most folks is to get mad and get even -- we all have a tendancy to take things too personally instead of remembering its a Big Bad Boogie Man in his head that HE has NO CONTROL over it! I am no angel and have occasions where I re-act in appropriately but I am trying and find that I am getting better -- DAMN I should after 21 years --right?

The hardest thing for me is when I hear his Dad or Grandma{even me sometimes too!} react with words like "he's old enuf to know better" ; "he knows what's going on"; "he's no dummy" ; "he has the ability to know right from wrong". All these statements are true HOWEVER-- Although Dakota is very intelligent and can be the most precious child and young man on earth and I would even argue probably<SPAN id=sp-35 title=" ay, by, cy, my, yd, ye, yo" style="BACKGROUND: url(undefinedimages/bg_spellingErr.gif) yellow repeat-x left bottom; PADDING-BOTTOM: 2px; COLOR: #000" _backupTitle="null"> a much better son than most young men on this earth most of the time he still CANNOT control what he knows is not right ---THAT'S AUTISM DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

It is incedibily amazing when you see a kid progress and make milestones strides and your refer to him as high functioning an how he has adapted so well; CRASH AND BURN.The funny thing is more times than not we fan the flames because we cant get beyond our own natural deficits to react in the way we were molded. Its no ones fault But we have to be the ones to step up and say "Hey He's the one struggling with the crap in his head so I have to put to good use the social behaviors God gave me to understand him and make life betterfor him" .Sometimes that means recognizing and respecting the Autism . Being the bigger person and not taking things personally or the way things 'SHOULD' be-- Because on the path of this lifetime journey there will never be any rest! It is a lifetime marathon. One to make life a little bit more enjoyable for our babies!

Summers Coming --Combatting Bug Bites

Well summers here and bugs abound---I posted this on a couple of the groups I am on but for those of you who read here thought I would share with my own audience---haha

Please excuse the cross posting but I will send this to a couple of groups so more people can get the info---

Ok I know several of you have issues to tackle with your children tactile, allergy, scent,and lets not forget gut
So with summer upon us and many of us trying to get our kids out and active I came across a couple of "helpful hints " that I think will work for most of our kids when it comes to avoiding the dreaded bug bite!
1. Bounce dryer sheets they are so efficent warding off mosquitos-- I have even gotten emails that say that they are good to get rid of ants too---BUT I cut the sheets into 1 or 2 inch strips and tie them to a belt loop; or onto a shoe or flip flop; in the pocket of a pair of shorts especially if they have velcro you can velcro it on ; stick it in to a zipper or on the wrist underneath a watchband--- I am telling you we were in Guerneville on the river and not a mosquito bite on all 3 of us!
2. A new email circulating is saying that Listerine is excellent for basically the same thing-- Use a small sprayer bottle and spray the area you are picknicing in .the swing area where the kids play -- also on a deck or patio area NO MOSQUITOS
I have not tested this on out yet but its worth a try

I know our kids needs protection and sometimes the deet and other bug sprays are toxic and quite frankly irritate our kids--

OK "Heloise" is out of the house
Hope this might help someone!!!!!!
Cindy

and for a PS my strife continues with Dakota-- this past weekend was the weekend from Hell-- once again I make a reference to Hell but for some reason it seems as if puberty ,raging hormones and behaviors have reared their ugly head and dont seem to find much comfort in a peaceful environment--More to follow

Perhaps when I can write in the middle of the night without interference!!!!!

Rough Day--HELL a rough 30 MInutes!!!!

After the "goop" in Moms hair a week or 2 ago things have been relatively quiet but today something was desperately wrong --- he had me take him to his Dads then he refused to get out and go, so we started home. I was telling him I have to do things like the laundry and store whether he's at home or not and I said something to him about going to the movies to see "Sex and the City". All of a sudden he grabbed my arm while I was driving and started flipping out-- I was on Mountain down by Tommy's. Before I got to the Liquor store by Stater Brothers I started to turn left , he opened the damn car door while we were in motion; then he reached for his seat belt and was going to bail out-- I JUST ABOUT HAD A STROKE THERE ON THE SPOT---My heart and brain were racing trying to figure out exactly what to do. I was across the oncoming traffic and a big Stater's truck was coming at me, I hit the drive way and by that time he had his butt turned sideways and his feet starting to dangle out of the car -- there was a car coming at me in the parking lot and a car behind me and all I could do was pull into the closest parking spot and shove the car into park--- I turned off the ignition and I had a hold of his left arm but I was in no postion to pull him completely back into the car so I made the hardest decision in a long time to just LET HIM GO and see what happens ----I said "ok --go ahead and go" I sat there with my hand on my seat belt ready to bolt if he took off but I figured once he got out of the car and took a look around he would do what I thought which was to realize that I was not going to chase him so he had no where to go--he milled around the car and grumbled and growled at me and tried to provoke me but I had made up my mind I was going to sit tight and not react--he started saying "Mommy" and I told him once I was not going to talked to him until he got back in the car--then every time he approached me I just pointed to the passenger seat finally after he made a few passes back and forth from the driver side to the passenger side and he saw he was getting no where about 5 maybe 10 minutes {it felt like forever} he finally crawled back in the car.

By this time there was no way I was going to attempt a trip to the store so I started up the car and said "OK Thank you" I was silent till we hit Hickory

Once we were driving up the street I lit into him and told him he had BETTER NEVER do that to me cuz next time I would shove him out and leave him there to figure out what he had done and how he was going to get home--- I guess it was with a different tone or something but I think he got it---

What a harrowing experience----

You know its moments like that you can never predict and no one except someone who has an Autistic child can really relate too. I have to tell you though these kids have some conscience level of what they are doing but do not fathom the consequences AND when it happens they are on auto-pilot its as if something or someone has taken over their body and they have no control-- Like and extemporaneous muscle-- It functions without thought!

I cannot imagine what it is like in their brains when they have what we in the Autism community refer to as a "meltdown" but I know it has been described as "static" in their heads. That is what creates the Fight or Flight syndrome--- often times motion is the only thing that can satisfy the behavior.

It is moments like these that set ua apart from other parents -- I dont say that in a snobby way or that other parents dont have challenges too its just that its is so "cryptic" that its like unraveling a huge ball of yarn ot putting together a 1000 piece puzzle and so many thoughts and decisoins must be made in a split second that you are always in check with yourself wondering if you made the right drcision .I guess we all do that but its the lack of feedback form our child that is missing -- At least with a typically developing child you will get cussed at or ignored BUT at least they can tell you OUR KIDS CAN'T

AS A POST NOTE TO THIS DAY-- It did not improve for several hours after -- I am still not exactly sure what set the motion of behavior AND may never know I can tell you hoever there were several other challenges later on in the day however I have to admit once this "wave" passes it is like a completely different child . Often times it seems like they dont even recognize the past few hours ITs definitely a preplexing situation and one that will keep you on your toes and always guessing!